"It's Uruguay. It's Forlan. It's South Africa forlorn." For once, the bland host broadcaster's commentator gets it right.
Diego Forlan's penalty, added to his deflected first-half strike and his killer pass that led to Alvaro Pereira's late third, has all but done for South Africa at this World Cup after they (deservedly) lost 3-0 to Uruguay in Pretoria.
Nothing boosts a World Cup like the host nation doing well but, for all their opening day heroics and sophomore game endeavour, it looks as though Bafana Bafana will be the first host nation ever to fall at the first hurdle.
It's not just in supporting their own team that South Africans have come out in force and shown such joie de vivre.
The impressive turnout from locals, despite justified criticism over high ticket prices, has helped boost the atmosphere at many other grounds. Even the England v USA match would have been a little quieter without them.
Even in sleepy Sun City the enthusiasm in the air on South Africa matchdays has been almost tangible, and that has extended towards the enjoyment of every game and the tournament as a whole. Were that to evaporate along with Bafana Bafana's hopes of progression, it would be a great shame indeed.
On any other night Early Boers would be even more sympathetic, it really would; but by the time you read this it will have been up at 4:00am for the flight to Cape Town ahead of England's clash with Algeria on Saturday.
The vuvuzela orchestra that would have erupted had South Africa beaten La Celeste would not have been welcome.
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Suddenly England's calamitous draw against the USA doesn't look so bad, does it?
The final match in the first round of group games finally gave the World Cup its first big story as Switzerland beat Spain 1-0 in Group H courtesy of Gelson Fernandes's scrappy winner in Durban. It's nice to see so many ex-Manchester City players doing well.
Without wanting to over-simplify matters by treating Spain and Barcelona as one and the same - simple creature though Early Boers undoubtedly is - it is a sad fact of football that rugged route one attacking and staunch defending in numbers has been proven as the best way of beating both La Furia Roja and the Blaugrana.
We had all been waiting for the European champions to light up the competition, but few could have predicted they would do so in this way. Given the lack of emphatic statements from most of the top teams in South Africa, it was a shame to see the Spanish lose, but the cheer that went up from watching journalists when Howard Webb blew the final whistle was evidence of how glad everyone was to see an upset.
The host broadcaster's commentator struggled to know what to make of it all. As the match drew on and Spain's attempts to level got more desperate (16 shots off target in all) he veered from cautiously marking the impending result as "possibly the biggest story of the tournament so far" to hyperbolically declaring "one of the biggest results in World Cup history". The truth is somewhere in between.
Even the embarrassment of riches on Vicente del Bosque's bench couldn't muster a revival. The recently-shorn Fernando Torres shanked his efforts all over the shop and a newly-bearded Jesus Navas may look like Roberto Baggio but he sure couldn't finish like the Divine Ponytail.
Spain now have the tough task of facing two of their former colonies in Chile and Honduras - the former looking impressive in a 1-0 win over the latter earlier in the day - as they battle to make the group stages.
It's a test they will almost certainly pass, but it now sets up the tantalising prospect of them facing Brazil in the last 16, giving that round a real blockbuster to look forward to.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I wouldn't mind being out in South Africa with the England team. The way I have been playing for Arsenal, don't you think I should be? I do. For sure... Surely, you pick people in the groove, and I was back in the groove, and I was fit. Instead, Capello picked a couple of half-fit players. It fell right for them. Not for me." Sol Campbell lets rip at Fabio Capello, conveniently leaving aside the fact that he makes Jamie Carragher look like Usain Bolt.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE: "Not only that, Capello has gone for one centre-half who didn't have a very good season, and another who just missed out on relegation." - As opposed to a man who began the season not being able to hack it against Morecambe, and ended it by helping Arsenal to yet another season of disappointment?
FOREIGN VIEW: "Pele should go back to the museum... We all know what the French are like and Platini as a Frenchman thinks he knows it all." - Diego Maradona lays into the great and the good of the game at a typically understated press conference. This World Cup would be a poorer tournament without him.
BOERMY ARMY TWEET OF THE DAY: "@EarlyBoers #torres hair looking like a u.s marine on his second week of shore leave" - Perhaps c_rollinson is trying to point out the Samson effect suffered by El Niño.
COMING UP: (grating, monotonous Geordie accent) "Matchday Two of the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Argentina are playing South Korea at Soccer City at 12:30. Later, Greece take on Nigeria in Bloemfontein at 15:00, while France face Mexico at 19:30 at the Peter Mokaba Stadium, Polokwane. Who goes? You decide." Well, you don't, but you can follow live commentary on all three games anyway.
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