When you think of a secret political meeting, you imagine late-night gatherings behind closed doors, with a special knock required to gain access to the 'card game' in some smoky basement.
But it would seem Early Doors is living in some outmoded Cold War-era version of reality.
If you really want to stay away from the limelight, you need to follow the David Beckham model for his covert encounter with Gordon Brown.
1 - Make sure you are one of the most recognisable people in the world.
2 - Rock up directly outside 10 Downing Street in your Bentley.
3 - Check that said Bentley has a personalised number plate.
4 - Get photographed on your way in.
5 - As you leave, have a chance encounter with the BBC's chief political reporter.
6 - Tell the news hound the PM is doing a "very good job".
7 - Wait for reports of this 'secret' encounter on TV, in the papers and online.
Job done. You have controlled the message, and proved an effective decoy for Jade Goody, who slipped in unnoticed for her high-level education talks.
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Speaking of deflecting attention, John Obi Mikel owes Joleon Lescott after picking up his fourth red card in 15 months.
The Chelsea midfielder was sent off - harshly, it's true - for a foul on Phil Neville, but his suspension will have no effect as he is now off to the African Cup of Nations with Nigeria.
And Mikel was spared the ignominy of critical newspaper headlines by Lescott's late blunder.
There's nothing quite as entertaining as an England defender getting outjumped by a dwarf, as when Shaun Wright-Phillips soared above the Everton man to grab a late winner in last night's Carling Cup semi-final.
Lescott's ricket made him look as though he was suffering the Victorian ailment of the same name; his soft, malformed bones preventing him from getting off the ground.
At least the papers waited until they had the final result before going to press - unlike their coverage of the New Hampshire democratic primary (yes, more politics, this morning Early Doors is being guest-written by a prominent member of Keele University student union).
As the world woke up to Hillary Clinton's shock victory, doormats around the country were adorned with headlines such as "Barack Obama's incredible journey", "Hillary to sack aides as she faces defeat", "Obama magic lures record number of voters" and "Lucy: I'll sex up your 2008!"
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He's got it all - pace, power, precision and pots of cash.
Alan Hansen, the king of Scottish list-based punditry, is reportedly doing his best to keep the national stereotypes business in rude health with a stunning act of thrift.
According to a story in the Sun, Hansen had a TV crew around his house to film an interview, then billed them for the cost of putting his fire on for the duration of their visit.
Early Doors is used to such tightwad behaviour. Its mother used to turn pairs of shoes inside-out in order to wear the soles out on both sides, while a young Doors was forced to hop around the house to reduce wear on the carpet.
The Currant Bun's ubiquitous 'source' also claimed: "As they were leaving Alan was taking great pleasure in telling them there was congestion on the M6."
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Yesterday was a red-letter day for the producers of Ian Wright's next 'It Shouldn't Happen to a Footballer' DVD, as gale-force winds played havoc with Yeovil's League One encounter with Walsall.
The moment that will be helping to fill stockings this Christmas occurred when Walsall keeper Clayton Ince belted a free-kick downfield from the edge of his box - only to see the ball get blown back over his head and out for a corner.
Funny, yes, but probably not worth the £19.99 RRP. Although there's always a chance you'll get to see that Zaire player kicking away the Brazil free-kick at the World Cup. And who knows, maybe Peter Enckelman will feature?
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I have talked about it with Edgar Davids, because he played there. Edgar told me it was a great club, but that I should not join Spurs. He said to me: 'You are an Ajax player, you are young and talented, so you only need to go to a top club in England, Spain or Italy'. I have thought about what he said and I think he is right." Urby Emanuelson on why he won't be joining Tottenham.
FOREIGN VIEW: Real Madrid look set to kill off those preposterous rumours linking Iker Casillas with a move to Premier League dross like Middlesbrough by handing the goalkeeper a contract 'for life'. That's from Marca, although they don't call Boro dross. They call them garbage.
COMING UP: All the usual nonsense from the transfer window, plus LIVE coverage of Arsenal versus Tottenham in the Carling Cup from 8pm!