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    Early Doors

    Manchester City’s midweek malaise

    As the clock ticked over to 07:00, a piercing alarm shattered the early-morning silence. Roberto leaned drowsily over, stretched out for the 'snooze' button and rolled back into the centre of his bed. Slowly, the events of last night drifted into his mind and a deep shame took hold.

    "What was I thinking?"

    Amsterdam does that to people.

    While the language of football cliche dictates that a European hangover takes at least 72 hours to have any effect, Early Doors imagines there are some grim faces at Manchester City's Carrington training ground this morning.

    At least any soreness afflicting Joleon Lescott's head cannot have been inflicted by a football, so comprehensively was he out-jumped for the second of Ajax's three goals at the Amsterdam ArenA.

    That incident led to the moment Mancini's normally admirable policy of blaming himself slipped into self-parody.

    "It's my fault," said Mancini. "I didn't say to him to jump."

    Elsehwere, Mancini offered enough self-flagellation to earn himself lifetime membership of Opus Dei.

    "I take full responsibility," he moaned. "I didn't prepare properly for this game."

    Theories fly this morning about Mancini's mysterious failure to get results in Europe.

    Early Doors simply believes it is a days of the week thing. City have lost three of four midweek games this season, and none of nine at the weekend.

    Mancini's sides rarely perform as well in midweek - perhaps an addiction to the Great British Bake-Off disrupts his preparations. Who can say? He looks like a man who appreciates a good orange chiffon cake.

    Certainly, City looked seriously under-cooked last night. Their back four revealed an uneven bake and a soggy bottom. Not even Mary Berry could say anything nice about the decision to move Gael Clichy from one side of the back four to the other in three stages (a rightward lurch worthy of Richard Littlejohn).

    And the late chucking on of luxury items Carlos Tevez and Mario Balotelli reminded ED of the Bake-Off contestant who dumps icing sugar and gold leaf on their creation to mask the structural flaws.

    Once again, Mancini's tactics had all the consistency of a sloppy crème caramel.

    Like his manager, Micah Richards was left in no doubt where the blame lay as he aimed not-very-veiled criticism at Mancini's three-man defence.

    "It's not something that we've worked on a lot, we're just used to a back four," Richards said.

    "But the manager likes it and if we want to do well then we'll have to work harder on it. It's a hard system and I think the players prefer 4-4-2 but he's the manager and we'll do what he says."

    Should we really be surprised that the champions of England flounder so hopelessly against quality overseas opponents?

    City were 10 minutes away from losing to West Brom on Saturday - Ajax are better than West Brom.

    Likewise, Arsenal lost to Norwich at the weekend - Schalke are better than Norwich.

    Over two decades since returning to European competition, this country still has an odd relationship with continental football.

    Early Doors was treated to a masterclass in closed-minded commentary from Five Live's Alan Green and Robbie Savage last night.

    Among the topics covered while not bothering to describe the action were zonal marking ('ridiculous'), goalkeepers punching ('unconvincing') and statistics ('nonsense').

    And yet this pig-headed resistance to broadly 'foreign' concepts coincided with a disastrous week for English clubs - three of four of whom were whomped by Juanito Foreigner, with his kooky defensive systems, his dodgy keepers and his pointless obsession with analysis.

    The contradiction was summed up when Green expressed his admiration for Ajax full-back Ricardo van Rhijn, saying: "It won't be long until a big club comes into him."

    Let's leave aside the insulting claim that Ajax, with their four European Cups and sold-out 52,000-seater stadium are not a big club.

    Green basically acknowledged that teams like Ajax produce better players than English youth systems ever do - but implied that Van Rhijn can only really be fulfilled once he leaves Holland for wealthier climes.

    Who knows, in 12 months' time maybe he will be part of the Manchester City side that loses to the next generation of Ajax youngsters.

    While the media had to feign concern for the state of English football, for the rest of us this week's results have been an overwhelmingly good thing.

    Not only is the failure of all clubs but our own intrinsically funny, the fate of all four English clubs (plus Celtic) could very easily come down to the final round of matches.

    The days when teams qualified with two matches to spare might have been good for puffing up the Premier League, but this is far more exciting.

    Who would have thought the Champions League would prove difficult?

    QUOTE OF THE DAY: Steve Bould after Arsenal's home defeat to Schalke: "We looked jaded - I don't why that is. Since coming off the international break we haven't performed. We were very sharp against West Ham but since returning from the internationals we've been jaded."

    If he thinks Arsenal are exhausted in October, it could be a long old season at The Emirates.

    Also from Bould: "Scoring first will be a major plus for us at the minute," and: "A 0-0 would have delighted us."

    It should make for an interesting Arsenal AGM today.

    FOREIGN VIEW: Hey Fergie - Jose Mourinho thinks your Champions League group is 'a joke'. Here's Jose: "This group is very tough. Some of them are a joke but this is THE group. There is still a gap to the other two teams in our group. At this moment we and Borussia are in a good position to go through but why can't City get 10 points? I think us and Borussia will have to think about getting 11."

    COMING UP: We've got the latest view from Jan Molby, plus our Tactical Brain video asks if you can have too much possession.

    Plus we have a full slate of Europa League action, with live text commentary on Maribor v Tottenham Hotspur (18:00 UK time), Liverpool v Anzhi Makhachkala (20:05) and Newcastle v Club Brugge (20:05).

    Early Doors

    Early Doors began life as a daily vehicle for mocking Rafa Benitez - and as such represented something a prototype for the modern internet. It has now evolved into a must-read morning feature from our team of football writers. Serious or silly, penetrating or puerile, Early Doors has always got something to say on the big issues. And there's still a fair amount of Rafa mockery.

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