Rio Ferdinand: reelingWe are barely past the halfway point of the season, and already the champions have notched up their third crisis of the campaign.
Crisis number one saw them lose 6-1 at home to Manchester City.
Crisis number two saw them knocked out of the Champions League.
Crisis number three has seen them slump to consecutive defeats to Blackburn and Newcastle.
Mind, they are in good company. Arsenal spent the first two months teetering on some imaginary precipice, Liverpool are obviously reeling and Man City also went out of the Champions League.
Meanwhile, Chelsea has been reported as a place of 'open mutiny' - which conjures images of the piratical Terry (eyepatch), Lampard (wooden leg), Cech (bandana) and Cole (parrot on shoulder) making Andre Villas-Boas walk the plank into Chelsea Harbour.
The obvious conclusion is that in modern football, we tend to confuse 'crisis' with 'something bad happening'.
As far as ED can tell, there is not a single Premier League club in what you could genuinely call a state of crisis.
Manchester United's problem is not the fact of losing two matches as much as what those defeats say about the team's quality, or lack thereof.
Alex Ferguson's decision to drop Wayne Rooney against Blackburn was seen as a purely disciplinary measure, but there is another side to it.
If a player is unprofessional off the pitch, he is likely to be lethargic on it.
ED isn't placing all the blame for Rooney's quiet performance at Newcastle on his Boxing Day antics, but certainly last night's Rooney is no use to anyone.
Phil Jones should send Adam Bogdan a thank-you note this morning, as the Bolton keeper's howler took some of the attention off the United defender's risible own goal.
As exciting a player as Jones may be, you sense something of the David Luiz about him - technique and attacking prowess overshadowing a worrying lack of defensive fundamentals.
And Ferguson's usual January insistence that there is no value in the market, and no players capable of improving his side, will be tested by another listless midfield performance in which the best player was a 38-year-old former winger.
If ever there was a time for a club to sign Kaka, surely it is now.
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APOCALYPSE WATCH: The Mayans predicted the world would end in 2012, so Early Doors is very much on the lookout for indications that the end times are upon us.
And surely none is clearer than the unconfirmed report that good-but-not-great centre-back Gary Cahill wants £120,000 a week from Chelsea, PLUS a guarantee of first-team football.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Tim Howard reacts to his rather magnificent goal in disappointingly downbeat fashion:
"I was delighted that we were in the lead and would hopefully go on to get three points, but it's not a nice feeling for a keeper. It's really awful actually. For the back four and the goalkeepers at both ends, there was an awful wind swirling.
"You could see everybody was mistiming balls. Defenders were missing clearances that normally they would put up the field. I think the wind is the hardest condition to play in. Snow, rain, sun doesn't matter, but the wind really does play tricks on you.
"I let him know that I was feeling for him. It's not a nice place to be. I've been there before, a long, long time ago, and that was why I didn't celebrate."
Watch the goal here (video in UK only).
While Howard's comments suggest he is a decent man, full of compassion, ED is frankly enraged by his unwillingness to revel in others' misfortune. Boo.
FOREIGN VIEW: 'You should see him in training' has long been a stock defence of the talented but inconsistent footballer.
It has always tickled ED. The notion that an ability to pull off incredible tricks under no pressure while wearing a bib legitimises you as a player is faintly ridiculous.
About a decade ago ED went to Barcelona and watched an open training session in which Patrick Kluivert tore his colleagues to shreds. Why? Because they weren't trying.
On that note, and even though he is a player ED has consistently defended against lazy and ill-informed criticism - you should see Zlatan Ibrahimovic in training.