Arsenal striker Robin van Persie's
trip to the Balkans for placenta therapy on his
ankle injury has caused predictable consternation.
The Dutchman has taken drastic action after suffering ankle ligament
damage playing for Netherlands against Italy on Saturday.
Van Persie said of the doctor: "She is vague about her methods but I know
she massages you using fluid from a placenta."
Call Early Doors
old-fashioned, but having horse placenta smothered all over your limbs doesn't sound like the kind of thing you want your doctor
to be vague about.
However, it is a
tabloid sub-editor's
dream ('Well, he is a placenta-forward', 'Let's hope he doesn't
suffer a foetal injury', 'As treatments go, it's
womb or bust').
When a Dutch TV
presenter told Sky Sports News of the treatment yesterday, the channel was so
impressed it immediately slashed its projected recovery time from six weeks to
two, before mysteriously losing faith in the power of placenta and settling for
four to six.
Footballers have
always been suspicious of alternative therapies. When Glenn Hoddle was England
manager, he introduced Ray Parlour to faith healer Eileen Drewery, who stood
behind the midfielder and put her hands on his shoulders.
"Short
back and sides, please," quipped Parlour. He never played for England
again. Had Drewery obliged, and taken a pair of scissors to Parlour's unkempt curly mop, she might have been respected instead of ridiculed.
Sam Allardyce was
mocked for introducing pilates and yoga at three clubs until it turned out the
techniques worked.
If Gary Speed
were reunited with Big Sam at Blackburn, he
could probably play on into his 50s.
Fulham,
meanwhile, have a cryotherapy room where players are exposed to temperatures of
minus 120 Celsius - at Aberdeen
they replicate the technique by stepping outside.
- - -
Doublespeak of the day comes from David Beckham, who claims
his high-profile falling-out with Landon Donovan helped bring the LA Galaxy
squad closer.
The club's two
highest-profile players had a public slanging match over Beckham's apparent refusal to "bust his ass" for
the club, with Donovan claiming the Englishman was "not a leader, not a
captain" and "not a good team-mate".
Despite (or because of) the row, Galaxy have had their best
season of the Beckham era, reaching the MLS championship game.
Beckham claimed: "There's nothing wrong with a bit of controversy in a
club. It brings players and teams together and it's
done that."
Come again? Is Beckham genuinely suggesting Donovan's seething resentment towards him is a good thing?
Presumably, if the pair enjoyed a relationship of Ant and
Dec-style symbiosis, the surfeit of goodwill and stability at the club would
have made a play-off place impossible.
Early Doors will
admit it doesn't watch much Major
League Soccer - in fact, nobody does - but it would bet Galaxy's resurgence has more to do with Bruce Arena's installation as manager than the blood feud
between Beckham and Donovan.
And as if to
prove ED's point, Becks has been
left out of the All-Star team.
They care about this sort of thing in the US.
- - -
ED had its say on George Burley's sacking yesterday, but would like to publish one
reader response, from mcguinnessmufc:
"Cant believe what I'm
reading here: 'The SFA would be
better off persuading the youth of Scotland to put down their deep-fried Mars
bars and have a kickabout.' That's the worst statement I've
ever read on a respected website. So when England get put out the World cup
will I see a statement like: 'The FA
should persuade the youth of England to use their Burberry jackets for
goalposts and stop mugging pensioners on the streets'?
Absolutely shocking."
Yes, ED imagines you'll
see something very much like that. Thanks for the material.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "**** off
Irish p****. You are out." What Lassana Diarra allegedly said to Keith
Andrews. Diarra's version of events:
"I did not lose my head. It lasted for 30
seconds and afterwards I went calmly back to the dressing-room. I don't know about any altercation."
FOREIGN VIEW: The Basque Country could play host to
the national football team again after an absence of more than 40 years after
its parliament voted to ask the Spanish FA to stage matches there.
Legislators in the autonomous community, where Spain's
ruling Socialists won control earlier this year, also voted to ask organisers
of the Vuelta to bring the cycling race back for the first time in 31 years.
The authorities have been reluctant to stage major sporting events in the
Basque Country in part due to the activities of ETA, the guerrilla group which
has killed more than 800 people in its campaign for independence.
Spain's last football match there was a European
Championship qualifier against Turkey
played at Athletic Bilbao's San
Mames stadium on May 31, 1967, and the Vuelta has not passed through since
1978.
Gorka Maneiro, a representative from the Progress and Democracy Union who
proposed the two motions, said the move was designed to inject a "dose of
normality".
"The Spanish football team has become a global icon in recent
years," Maneiro said. "Their talent suggests they will be well
received at any stadium, including any of the Basque ones."