Getting on the property ladder can be hard. The credit crunch and the resultant tightening of mortgage lenders' belts has left the most unlikely people homeless, with no hope of affording a place of their own.
You might think Jonathan Woodgate's estimated £60,000-a-week pay packet could get him a nice mock Tudor pile in Ilford or Chigwell, but he is struggling just like any average Joe.
"I'm still living in a hotel," he revealed. "We need to find a place to live. We've seen apartments, we've seen houses and all the prices and it's a lot more expensive down here than it is up north.
"I think you could buy 10 penthouses up north for the price of something down here. House prices are a joke, they are. It's unbelievable. When you are looking about and you see some of the houses, you think 'What?'
"But that's London and that's the way it is. Hopefully, I can find a house and get settled.
"You just want the right place for you and you want to get it at the right price. You don't want to end up getting ripped off in any way, do you?
"It's expensive for everyone, isn't it? You don't want to be blowing stupid money on a house."
It would be easy to mock Woodgate, but Early Doors doesn't like the practice of whacking footballers over the head any time they say something vaguely interesting (Actually, it does. It just can't think of an appropriately funny remark).
Instead it humbly offers its services and can reveal, after a quick search on one of those property websites, that there is no need to splash millions of pounds on a mansion in some gated community.
In fact, there are over 100 two-bedroom flats on sale for under £200,000 within a mile of White Hart Lane.
Early Doors has its eye on a three-bedroom property on sale for 'just' £145,000 in a massive ex-local authority block just a Molotov cocktail's throw from the ground.
"Identified as a purchase for an investor", says the website, which is estate agent speak for "obviously you won't want to live there, but you might be able to find some sucker who will."
If Woodgate's property search proves fruitless, he might consider the Joey Barton route of taking on a several-hundred-mile commute.
If Barton can take a helicopter to Newcastle when holed up at the Sporting Chance Clinic in Hampshire, Woody can spend his cash on a private jet and scoot down to London from the north-east every morning.
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Alex Ferguson got a good write-up after his introduction of Carlos Tevez resulted in a Manchester United equaliser at Lyon.
Early Doors has always wondered why managers get credit for making good substitutions.
Leaving aside the occasional Solskjaer-style "impact player" who comes on late in the game to do a supersub turn, a successful change usually just means the manager cocked his tactics up in the first place
Most people thought Tevez would play from the start but Fergie went with Wayne Rooney on his own up top. The move backfired, and United only reached anything like top gear once he rectified his mistake and brought on a second striker.
All told, it was hardly a midweek to showcase the 'Best League in the World', even though none of the four English sides lost.
Nobody scored a goal outside the last six minutes, and Emmanuel Adebayor could not even manage that; the Arsenal striker heading onto the woodwork from right underneath the crossbar in stoppage time.
The real action took place in Glasgow, where Celtic played out a five-goal thriller against Barcelona. For a team whose fans are generally not big fans of the UK, Celtic specialise in a very British form of heroic failure.
Despite going in front twice and having Barça on the ropes, the Bhoys went down 3-2 at home and now have little or no chance of going through - particularly with their dismal away record in Europe.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: Gordon Strachan assesses Celtic's chances of a comeback against Barcelona: "I wouldn't put my house on it. I've worked too hard over 35 years to get a house." It's taken him 35 years to put down the deposit on a house? He and Woody want to get a new estate agent.
FOREIGN VIEW: Tim Cahill on the Premier League abroad: "You can imagine what would happen if Everton or Liverpool played in Australia. It would be absolutely massive. David Beckham went to Australia and brought in 80,000 people to a game. He had 1.6 million viewers on TV. He inspires kids to do the right things - to eat healthy, read books, be a good athlete and play good football. If the Premier League game is going to be a pure money-making exercise then it's not right for me, but if it is to give something back to the fans then it is worth exploring." Read books?
DEBATE OF THE DAY: alihatefi is building a nice little streak after earning himself a mention two days on the trot. He suggests a novel way for Fidel Castro to spend his dotage: "Have Castro be the next manager for Liverpool! He speaks Spanish, will be as entertaining as Mourinho, and have the players fearing for their lives." Early Doors is particularly excited at the prospect of five-hour post-match press conferences.
Today's question: How should Jonathan Woodgate solve his housing problem and is anyone willing to put him up in the spare room?
COMING UP: Oh, will this orgy of continental football never end? Step into the European pleasure dome once again this evening for the sensual delights of the UEFA Cup. We have minute-by-minute commentary on all five British teams (Spurs, Everton, Bolton, Rangers and Aberdeen) plus live scores and scorers from the rest of the night's games. The whole shebang kicks off at 4pm and, thanks to Braga's comical 9.30pm kick-off against Bremen, we are live until nearly midnight.