We've all been there. Sometimes you have a moment when all common sense and good judgement goes out the window, the red mist descends and you do something really, really, ridiculously stupid.
You wake up the next morning with a nagging sense of unease before your memory kicks in and the terrifying realisation of what you have done comes flooding back.
Early Doors knows the feeling well, having last experienced such horror when it rolled over to turn off its alarm clock and found itself staring Geri Halliwell in the face. (Note to lawyers - this never happened)
This is how Rio Ferdinand must feel most mornings since he went nuts and kicked a female steward after Manchester United's defeat to Chelsea round about squeaky bum time this spring.
And unlike that referee in Belarus, Rio didn't first need to consume enough vodka to get a herd of elephants doing karaoke to 'It's Not Unusual' and telling each other they are their best mate.
It has now been revealed the FA are investigating the incident, which means Rio could cop a four-match ban and an eye-watering £300,000 fine for lashing out at Tracy Wray.
Perhaps more importantly, it could scupper his bid to be the first TV personality to captain England.
Ferdinand apologised, saying he "accidentally brushed her with my foot", although The Sun claims Wray needed hospital treatment for severe bruising.
That a possible England captain could blame the incident on a lack of basic coordination must be more concerning to Fabio Capello than the fact that he kicked a woman.
You can't imagine the technically-superior likes of the Spanish connecting with anything other than the concrete wall they were aiming for, the sweetness of the strike resulting in several broken toes.
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Pre-season is a time for wild optimism, when results don't matter and fans blow even the smallest positive into a harbinger of certain success.
Wayne Rooney has been criticised for not scoring enough goals, particularly headers, so what better way to begin life after Cristiano Ronaldo (ED has had enough, it's just going to assume the transfer goes ahead) than to nod one in against Aberdeen?
Rooney also won a penalty in a performance that would have left Manchester United fans cock-a-hoop - until they saw photos revealing that a summer of partying has left him sporting roughly the same dimensions as a Citroen Picasso.
Judging by the paparazzi photos (and ED sees no reason to use any other yardstick) Rooney has been drinking, smoking and looking uncomfortable in suits ever since Nicolas Anelka stuffed up his penalty in Moscow.
Two months on the lash have clearly taken their toll on the self-proclaimed 'big man', who faces a tough month to get down to his fighting weight, which is just slightly pudgy.
Then there was Michael Carrick, boldly staking his claim to become a Ronaldo-less United's first-choice penalty taker after sticking one away at Pittodrie, quipping: "I'll take a few more if they become available!"
While Everton and Aston Villa both geared up for their upcoming European failures with defeat against Swiss opposition, Charlton Athletic showed exactly how pre-season should be done.
Aware that a disappointing season has left morale low, Alan Pardew arranged two matches for Saturday against less-than-challenging opponents.
Charlton's first-team spent an afternoon's shooting practice against a Kent railway station as they ran out 6-0 winners at computer geek-owned Ebbsfleet.
Meanwhile, a 'Charlton XI' faced an even easier assignment as they romped to a 9-0 win against Braintree, meaning the Addicks' combined forces contrived to win by a tennis score.
But the biggest mismatch of the weekend took place in Germany, where Mikael Forssell scored 10 goals on his Hannover debut in a 23-0 win against local outfit FC Boffzen, which ED can only conclude translates as "school for the blind".
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "My mum knows what women are like and has told me not to bother having a girlfriend. Maybe I'll have to marry some who is wealthy or knows nothing about football," Micah Richards issues a come-and-get-me plea to the spoilt, brainless Hiltons and Lohans of the world.
TALKING POINT: A measured response from g_hine to Early Doors's willingness to overlook the fact that most of the comments on its message board involve people telling each other they suck: "An oversight worthy of a Holocaust denier ED. Shame on you."
It would seem that Yahoo's spamkillers agree with you, Sir, as they lopped about 200 comments off Friday's post thereby putting paid to the first four-figure haul of comments.
Today - Should Rio face further punishment for his epic strop? Alternatively just banter your way past the thousand-mark again.