Chancellor Alistair Darling lays out his first budget later today, and while the concerns of everyday working families are all well and good, the real question is - how will it affect the average Premier League footballer's bank balance?
This is the point where Early Doors squeezes into its faded jeans, slips a Meat Loaf CD into the stereo and makes a mobile phone call while speeding down the motorway.
An expected £2,000 tax on the showroom price of the most gas-guzzling cars is bad news for anyone hoping to cruise around in a Lamborghini Murcielago, which emits a colossal 500g of CO2 per kilometre.
That is roughly five times more pollution than a Toyota Prius. Consequently, you would have to plant enough trees to cover half of Wales just to make a trip to Waitrose carbon neutral.
Although at least you can condemn the world to a fiery death in impeccable boy-racer style by burning off the smug git in the Prius at the lights.
Footballers hoping to fit the golf clubs or - god forbid - a child in the back might be cheered to know that the ubiquitous Porsche Cayenne weighs in at a slightly less destructive 358g/km of CO2.
Special Budget brownie points go to the tree-hugging, polenta-eating, Guardian-reading likes of David James, who has had his car tricked out to run on rapeseed oil.
DOMESTIC FUEL BILLS
This one seems to be a hot button with ex-pros, in particular Alan Hansen who billed a TV company for gas used while filming at his house.
At 52, though, the consecutive-adjective-spouting Scot will have to wait a few years for any money back from his bushy-browed countryman in number 11, as only the over-60s will be given extra cash to pay their energy bills.
It is good news for the doyen of top-flight managers, Sir Alex Ferguson, who may prefer to put his £200 windfall towards a cheeky Chateau Petrus '82.
Many players share Fergie's expensive taste in alcoholic beverages and think nothing of blowing thousands on a night out.
Such binge drinking means Darling is expected to slap an above-inflation rise in duty on booze.
Although it seems doubtful that Spurs' Carling Cup-winning squad would have noticed a few extra pennies on the price of their £500 bottles of Cristal Rose.
However, spirits should escape the Exchequer's wrath, meaning Belvedere vodka could soon be flying off the top shelf of an over-priced West End nightclub near you.
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The San Siro has turned from a fortress into northern Italy's answer to Pride Park: a place where the home team score nil and the visitors cruise to an easy victory.
After Arsenal's win over AC Milan, last night was Liverpool's turn and they duly rolled Inter over, inspired by Fernando Torres who, like Amy Winehouse, just can't seem to stop scoring.
The Serie A leaders once again employed the unsuccessful tactic of getting a defender sent off, once and for all giving lie to the claim that it is harder to play against 10 men.
The result might mean the Premier League is the strongest in Europe but it doesn't necessarily say a lot about the state of English football.
Exclusive research by one of Early Doors's underlings suggests Brazil and France have more players in the Champions League quarter-finals than England.
Pedants' corner: Inter call the San Siro the Giuseppe Meazza, but unless there are two very similar-looking massive stadia parked next to each other in suburban Milan, it's definitely the same place.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Frank's one of our most loyal players yet, unbelievably, there is still no sign of a new contract, even though we all know he can go on a Bosman soon as he has one year left on his present deal." Early Doors has a sneaking suspicion that the Sun's source might have a passing acquaintance with Frank Lampard. Dressing-room unrest: We love it.
FOREIGN VIEW: If Gazzetta dello Sport knew the word 'Cripes!', they would probably use it in their stunned reaction to Roberto Mancini's announcement he will quit Inter at the end of the season.
TODAY'S TALKING POINT: Somehow an innocent question about lateness proved the cue for more unprovoked shots at Middlesbrough. manofdann quips: "Boro players don't show up until about 90 minutes into their cup game," while the prolific simondenham adds: "I recall Liam Miller showed up late at The Riverside last Sept to grab an equaliser."
Today's question: Is the Premier League unquestionably the best in the world, or have the Big Four just got lucky?
DISS OF THE DAY: Do the Early Doors team look like air stewards or just a bunch of drunks? Here's kevmun82's two penneth: "I'd say ED's photo looks less Airline Host-ish and more 'Forced Photograph at 8am after a heavy night out'-ish. The one on the left looks the most natural for sure, although it does look like he's trying to convince us: 'I'm bald through choice, honest'."
COMING UP: What kind of ridiculous club ranking system says Inter are better than Liverpool? Ours, that's what. It's the league form, stupid. Full European Power Rankings coming up, plus your chance to rip 'em to shreds.
Plus, the full story on which countries have the most players in the Champions League quarter-finals.
Plus, the usual live treatment for tonight's three Premier League games, as Chelsea see how many they can smash past Derby, Middlesbrough attempt to give Early Doors more comic fodder away to Aston Villa and Portsmouth take on Birmingham in a game with no interesting angle whatsoever.
Plus, Tottenham and Everton look to get out of their respective UEFA Cup jails. Spurs are in the football equivalent a medium security facility in Surrey, needing to overturn a 1-0 deficit against PSV. At 2-0 down to Fiorentina, Everton are locked in the metaphorical bowels of Alcatraz with nobody but a heavily-tattooed cellmate for company.