"It is simply not the degree of his conduct that is so egregious here. It is the fact that he disappointed all of us, and more importantly, our kids and our grandkids. Our hero did not live up to the expectations of the role model we saw for our children." Augusta National chairman Billy Payne on Tiger Woods.
"Listen, this is a special approach in the Anglo-Saxon countries. If this had happened in let's say Latin countries then I think he would have been applauded." FIFA president Sepp Blatter on John Terry.
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Two rather different approaches to major sports stars' marital infidelity, and Early Doors is compelled to admit that it largely sides with Herr Blatter and the adherents to the Silvio Berlusconi school of thought.
It is not a case of condoning either man's behaviour - they both acted like scumbags - but of remembering that sportspeople are good at sport. They do not achieve fame thanks to their unimpeachable moral code, nor do they have to pass any Fit And Proper Person test before they can compete.
You don't have to encourage or - as Blatter would have it - applaud their misdeeds, but neither should you feign outrage.
Any parent who tells their kid to use Woods or Terry as a role model instead of bothering to set an example themselves has no right to feel angry when they turn out to be a bit of a s**t.
Admire their sporting prowess, but don't assume they are a higher being just because some advert for shoes suggests so.
Although Early Doors delved into the mucky details of Woods's philandering as pruriently as anyone, it is under no misapprehension that the scandal had anything to do with sport.
With Terry, sportswriters could at least hide their thirst for gossip behind the facts that; a) He held a specific position of responsibility (England captain) that required him to behave himself, and b) His actions directly affected a team-mate, who voluntarily exiled himself from the team rather than share a dressing room with him.
What eventually happened was just about the right outcome - he was removed as England captain and - eventually - everyone moved on. Well, most people did.
Woods is an individual playing an individual sport. While his behaviour was not what you would want for a man of such symbolic and sporting significance, what happens next is a matter for him, his wife and, obviously, his sponsors.
It is not for the head of a tournament to publicly upbraid the man who has made millions of dollars for them - especially given Augusta National's approach to sexual politics.
When Payne said 'kids and grandkids', he actually meant 'sons and grandsons' since his organisation does not accept female members.
This makes him an unlikely candidate for moral outrage on Woods's treatment of the opposite sex, although you could argue Augusta National's men-only rule makes it harder for members to conduct extra-marital affairs.
Anyway, just as John Terry's ability to head footballs and kick shins remains largely unaffected, we discovered yesterday that, despite having sex with all those women, Tiger Woods is still very good at golf.
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In other non-football news, some horses ran in a race yesterday. The fastest horse won and people were happy.
One such happy person was Sir Alex Ferguson, part-owner of top nag What A Friend who won the Totesport Bowl at Aintree.
Just hours after watching his Manchester United team get bundled out of Europe by 'typical Germans' Arjen Robben, Ivica Olic and Franck Ribery, Fergie was on jovial form that might just have stuck in the craw of United fans still seething at their team's frankly rubbish Champions League exit.
So relaxed was Fergie that he even spoke to the BBC, telling Cornelius Lysaght he was already over the Bayern disappointment.
"No one died last night," he said. Possibly news to former Dynasty star Christopher Cazenove.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I'm taller than him, and wider than him. Everyone talks about Messi and me but we aren't the only people who are going to be playing. It's not an individual duel. We are very different." Cristiano Ronaldo is not about to accept that Leo Messi is better than him. Watch the video here.
FOREIGN VIEW: Teesside favourite Juninho made a guest appearance to save Ituano, the club of which he is chairman, from relegation in Brazil's Paulista championship.
Juninho scored as Ituano recovered from a two-goal deficit to beat Portuguesa 3-2.
"That was my objective. I had stopped playing but I hadn't quit (the game). That's why I wanted to say goodbye at the club where I started out," said Juninho.
"From today I'm going to dedicate myself only to running Ituano."