From the moment in the first half when the ball sailed through Marques Colston's hands and clanged off his helmet, Early Doors realised its bet on the New Orleans Saints was not going to end well.
Then something odd happened. The 'Aints' started to put points on the board while the Indianapolis Colts' receivers took turns to impersonate David James attempting to catch a cross.
It was all over when Peyton Manning, the best player in the game, flung one down the throat of a Saints defender, leaving ED ever-so-slightly better off and feeling well-disposed towards the curious game of American football.
So here are six things 'soccer' could take from the NFL:
1- National Anthems
Britons indulge in a hugely negative form of patriotism. They never talk about how much they love their country (in fact doing the opposite is a primary trait of Britishness), and are instead defined by a mutual hatred of others.
Americans, however, barely realise other people exist, and have certainly not taken the time to get to know and loathe them. Their patriotism manisfests itself in the quasi-religious fervour with which they make the pledge of allegiance and sing their anthem.
God Save the Queen is as ploddingly monotonous as The Star-Spangled Banner is rousing, plus the idea of standing, hand on heart, makes Brits uneasy - we are only comfortable when bellowing it, out of time and tune, after the thick end of 10 pints.
Both the British and US anthems are played before NFL games at Wembley, resulting in some shocking mismatches including Paul Potts versus Jocelyn Brown (reinforced stage in 2008, clearly) and Joss Stone versus anyone with a functioning larynx.
But ED would certainly enjoy seeing how the players react when it is played before games at the Emirates.
2- Stealth bomber flyover
You've got to hand it to the US armed forces, haven't you? Even when resources are stretched to the limit pummelling the snot out of countries that cannot possibly defend themselves, Uncle Sam leaves a few B-52s in reserve to scare the wits out of anyone attending a major sporting event.
These macho demonstrations of military might have been described as national penis extensions, but at least the Yanks are packing some serious hardware.
The best Britain has to offer is the occasional parachutist - such as this one at Turf Moor who landed on the roof of a stand and delayed kick-off by an hour.
At least we might have found a use for those Chinook helicopters deemed too useless for service in Afghanistan.
3- Half-time entertainment
Last night's coveted half-time show was played by The Who; an underwhelming set except for a surprisingly youthful Keith Moon, and a nagging anxiety that some right-wing gun nut might train his sights on Pete Townshend.
The result was a 45-minute half-time which some might feel a tad long for a bog-standard Football League match. But often the break is the highlight of whatever god-awful draw you are inflicting on yourself.
You've got the kids playing six-a-side, some local businessman handing over a giant cheque to a raffle winner and, of course, mass Schadenfreude as the PA man announces the latest scores from elsewhere.
And, if extended to three-quarters of an hour, you might have a fighting chance of buying - and consuming - a pie and a pint before the action resumes.
4- Video reviews
A serious one, this. Each team has two challenges, enabling them to order a review of the previous play. They can challenge anything they like, and the game is stopped for 90 seconds while the officials study replays (60 seconds is usually enough).
Once you have used your two challenges, that's the end of that. What is stopping FIFA from bringing this system, in its entirety, to football?
ED thinks it is better than the rather tedious tennis and cricket system that lets you keep the challenge if you are successful, leading to innumerable reviews.
It is very rare that a team falls victim to more than two absolute howlers per game, and it limits their use to really important moments. And even if a team gets a stinker of a decision and has no challenges left, part of the responsibility now shifts to the manager for wasting them - it makes intelligent use of challenges part of the game.
5- Gatorade bath
This is one of American football's most cherished traditions, and involves dumping a giant vat of brightly-coloured isotonic liquid on your coach at the moment of victory.
Nobody knows what purpose a barrel full of sugary beverage is doing there - the players certainly do not use it. But you are invited to suspend your disbelief and revel in sheer marketing genius.
US coaches laugh it off, but can you imagine Fergie's reaction if Nani and Jonny Evans emptied 10 gallons of energy drink on his head?
More appropriate drinks might include single malt (Fergie), Chianti (Carlo Ancelotti) and still mineral water (Arsene Wenger). ED was going to think of one for Rafa Benitez but realised it was just wasting its time.
Of course, this is already done in Munich, where players celebrate titles by throwing massive litre steins of beer over each other.
6- Unsociable hours
Early Doors made just the briefest acquaintance with its pillow last night, despite the game finishing at the unusually early time of 2.45am. Call ED an elitist, but it rather likes the fact that watching the Super Bowl requires a bit of effort, and consequently does not have a mass UK audience.
What better way to scare off the Johnny Come Latelys than by playing in the middle of the night? As anyone who watched the 2002 World Cup in its entirety will tell you, the true measure of a man (or woman) is whether he gets up at 6.30 to watch China v Costa Rica.
The advent of regular night-time football might be closer than you think. How do you think Richard Scudamore land a reported £1bn global TV rights deal for the Premier League?
ED would be entirely unsurprised to learn he had promised broadcasters in the US and the Far East to play matches at more 'appropriate' times - a bit like NBC deciding when the Olympic swimming is held, then not bothering to show it live on the West Coast.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: Carlo Ancelotti on John Terry: "For me and for Chelsea, John is the perfect captain. I didn't speak to him after he met Capello last Friday and do not want to judge the decision on England because it's not my decision. What I know is that John's behaviour on the pitch is very, very professional and he showed that again in this game." The most under-discussed aspect of Terrygate - how come it's fine for him to remain captain of Chelsea but not England? Especially when it seems Vanessa Perroncel became, er, acquainted with a large chunk of the first-team squad.
FALLACY OF THE WEEKEND: That the Euro 2012 draw represented 'important business' for Fabio Capello. Only in the same way that watching Dale Winton's In It To Win It is important business to somebody with a lottery ticket.
It's a random assignation of teams to groups (unless you're Albania or Azerbaijan). It was not important to get the John Terry situation sorted beforehand. It was completely irrelevant.
COMING UP: A liberal smattering to live scoring for the compulsive gamblers among you: Colchester v Southend (19:45 UK time), Belenenses v Braga (20:15), Gallipoli v Grosseto (19:45), 1860 Munich v Ahlen (19:15), Arles v Caen (19:45) and Atletico Tucuman v Huracan (22:00).