First, a quiz. Who can think of an anagram of Cuneyt Cakir?
Answers at the bottom.
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Jose Mourinho said the "world will stop" for Manchester United's Champions League second leg against Real Madrid.
He was partly right. United's did not so much stop as fall apart in the 14 minutes after Nani's challenge on Alvaro Arbeloa, followed shortly by Cakir's fateful red card.
After Ronaldo scored the winner, one question buzzed around the Old Trafford press box.
What's Fergie going to say about this?
Sports journalists are sometimes guilty of caring about the quotes more than the game - a recent Henry Winter tweet about his top 10 press conferences was seized on by the superb 'Accidental Partridge' Twitter account.
But this was going to be spectacular.
We had already seen him do his nut on the touchline - the post-match briefing could witness an eruption of Krakatoa proportions.
But Fergie pulled out, described by his assistant Mike Phelan as "in no fit state" to face the media.
Phelan reluctantly did the honours - described by one hack as looking "like a captured pilot" in front of the world's cameras.
Instead, United might as well have sent out Mourinho to do their press conference.
After all, the Portuguese behaves in every other way like a man destined to manage at Old Trafford.
Take his fawning praise for United before the game: "This should have been the final. The world will come to a stop to watch this game."
Take his playful wave of acknowledgement to the United fans chanting: "Sit down Mourinho." (That one backfired, prompting a slightly-less-friendly burst of "Chelsea rent boy.")
Take his consoling word in Fergie's ear after Nani's red card, and his self-consciously low key 'celebration' at the end.
And take his immediate post-match quote: "The best team lost. We didn't play well, we didn't deserve to win."
Mourinho doesn't really do humility, but this represented his best effort at genuflecting to Fergie.
He's leaving Madrid at the end of the season - what else is there to do?
No job in Spain, certainly. Germany would be fun, just to get under Pep Guardiola's skin - but Mourinho does not stack the odds against himself, which he would do by taking any non-Bayern job.
He doesn't like Italy and the feeling is mutual.
There's no point returning to Chelsea - only the possibility of doing worse than last time - and any English job would undermine his ambitions of joining United.
Early Doors predicts a spell at PSG, where he can add another country to his European tour of domination - before slipping into Fergie's seat when the old man finally decides he has had enough.
Any job for which Mourinho shelves the crowing, boasting and gloating is a job he wants very much. This was the night he confirmed he is Old Trafford-bound.
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Back to Cakir, now, and on a night that promised to be all about Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney, a Turkish referee swooped in to nab the headlines.
Cakir now risks going the same way as Urs Maier, Anders Frisk and Tom Henning Ovrebo - referees on whom hell was unleashed after they supposedly wronged English teams.
And, much as it feels like he decided the tie, we should try to cut him some slack.
Early Doors doesn't like to see a red card influence a game, but Cakir's responsibility is to make the right decision, not to keep 22 players on the pitch.
Just look at the scorn heaped on Howard Webb for his failure to send Nigel De Jong off in the World Cup final.
Nani's challenge on Arbeloa was a bit like De Jong's, only less so. But as Roy Keane said after the game, he gave the ref an opportunity to send him off.
A bit like Keane did here, when 'getting to know' his co-pundit Gareth Southgate.
A player can be guilty of dangerous play whether he means to or not - so the fact Nani was watching the ball means nothing.
It was probably a yellow card, but the fact 'experts' cannot agree after watching dozens of replays suggests this was a marginal error, not a howler.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "..." - Fergie's post-match silence spoke volumes.
FOREIGN VIEW: "The reception was unbelievable. It was an emotional moment for me, for both games, especially tonight. I do not have words to explain how I feel. The supporters made me feel shy as I did not play how I play all the time. Anyway I helped my team, and I feel a little happy inside, on the other hand I feel sad as Manchester United are out."
You know, Cristiano Ronaldo, if you like Manchester United that much you could always play for them.
COMING UP: So, Celtic, it's down to you. The SPL champions attempt an unlikely Champions League comeback at Juventus. Meanwhile David Beckham is in the PSG squad (but suspended Zlatan Ibrahimovic is not) as the French fancies take on Valencia.