"Crash", "Bashed", "Simply the Beast". There was only going to be one man making today's back page headlines - Ashley Cole.
Perhaps "Dirty Bashtard" might have been more appropriate - his horror tackle very nearly broke Alan Hutton's leg - but as if that alone wasn't bad enough, his reaction in the aftermath was nothing short of appalling.
Just a day after FA chief Lord Triesman vowed to get tough on pompous, arrogant players who show a lack of respect to referees, Cole took it upon himself to prove just how pompous, arrogant and disrespectful he can be.
In a metaphorical two-fingered salute to the establishment, Cole turned his back on Mike Riley as he was shown a yellow card and, despite the referee's insistent pleas for him to show some respect, Cole simply walked away spouting forth some choice expletives like a spoilt child.
ED is sure that if there was a bedroom handy to storm into, he would have been off before you could say "don't the slam the door".
Now we all know Cole has been enduring a few problems in his personal life recently, but taking out his frustration on a referee really is too much.
Off the pitch, Cole is reportedly busy trying to find a way back into his wife's good books, even refusing to go out with the lads the other night, preferring instead to stay in and play on his Playstation like a good boy. But those traits of teenage life now seem to be appearing in his professional life too.
Instead of taking his punishment like a man, Cole, 13, even had the temerity to try to convince Riley - and later Gus Poyet on his way down the tunnel at half-time - of his innocence, wagging his finger at the Spurs assistant manager in yet another horribly arrogant gesture.
John Terry also got in on the act, inexplicably backing up his team-mate by pursuing Riley in a pretty good re-enactment of the Andy D'Urso/Old Trafford incident as Triesman delivered a litter of kittens in front of his telly.
Just a brief aside - ED will eat its own capello if Fabio Hat gives JT the England armband after last night.
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The old Wembley holds many memories for many people. The White Horse Cup Final, Bobby Moore holding aloft the Jules Rimet trophy in 1966, Evel Knievel's failed attempt to jump over 13 buses, the Wembley Lions speedway team, a WWF Summer Slam event, Live Aid - the list of classic events at the old stadium is seemingly endless.
To this day, ED's particular favourite remains a gridiron game between the Miami Dolphins and the San Francisco 49ers back in 1988 as a youthful Doors snatched its first glorious taste of American culture.
For the record, that taste soured pretty soon after kick-off as Dan Marino was hardly given a chance to impress his legions of English fans and ED missed the Dolphins' last minute winning touchdown because it had left early to avoid the crowds.
Nonetheless, it was an enjoyable day out. But there are some bad memories too, mostly stemming from the famous old stadium's later years when it seemed to crumble under the weight of its own history. Or more likely an almost total lack of renovation works since it was built in 1923.
One direct consequence of that neglect was the Empire Stadium's terrible toilet facilities. ED remembers when wee used to practically rain down on supporters from the upper gantries, making a day out at the cup final a daunting experience for even the most hardened match goer.
With anything between around 80,000 bladders emptying themselves in one venue over the course of a couple of hours - and with just one loo for every 250 spectators - the toilets simply could not cope with the sheer volume of urine passing through them.
But with the fan-to-bog ratio now reduced to 34:1 at the new stadium, England can finally be proud of a ground that meets today's gleaming standards.
Which all leads us, in a horribly round about way, to believe that such high standards are de rigueur at stadia around the world these days, especially at major sporting events like the Olympics.
Think again.
Beijing organisers are having to refit the toilets at three main Olympic venues after complaints from foreign athletes about having to use the antiquated squat and thrust method.
Most toilets in China are still of the squat rather than sit-down variety, as spectators and competitors at recent test events in otherwise state of the art venues like the "Water Cube" aquatics centre has the misfortune to discover.
"In my personal point of view, there are cultural differences between Chinese and Western people. Chinese are more used to squat toilets," said Yao Hui, a senior official responsible for the management of Olympic venues.
"Toilet alteration projects at the Bird's Nest (National Stadium), the Water Cube and National Indoor Stadium are ongoing and if technical conditions permit, all the toilets in these stadiums will be changed."
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "If someone wants to buy Diego, they have to kill me first. Diego will only leave Werder over my dead body." Werder Bremen president Jurgen Born sets himself up for the mother of all falls when the Brazilian leaves in the summer.
TALKING POINT: Who would you like to see make a comeback in the Premier League? Mark Hateley's dad and a Liberian politician, apparently.
"Tony Hateley - once headed a goal when the ball was six inches above the turf. Couldn't do anything with his feet except stand on them. There's a tribe in Brazil that play football exactly like Hateley did. They head the ball along the ground." james_ssmith
"Georgi Kinkladze and Petr Katchouro, though the latter wasn't that good as the former, if I remember. George Weah too, because he had quite possibly the best second name to come out of a debt-ridden and war-torn Liberia. And maybe Daniel Fonseca. In fact, all of these - apart from Katchuro - were awsome in the early days of Championship Manager. I yearn for another Liberian-Uruguayan-Georgian triangle of net-rippling death." fistfullofvisas
For today, let's have your views on the worst stadiums you've ever been to. Standing on the uncovered terraces behind the goal at Danish side Aalborg's pre-renovation ground on a dark and rainy Saturday afternoon singing offensive chants in English with local hard core fans has to rank up there as one of the worst matchday experiences ED has ever endured.
COMING UP: Eintracht Frankfurt against Energie Cottbus in the Bundesliga is about as good as it gets tonight. Of course, our German Brüder in Munich will be scoring that game live for you, so log on from 19:30 GMT and watch those 90 minutes fly by! Or, even better, if you speak German, you'll be able to follow text commentary on eurosport.yahoo.de as well. Wunderbar.
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