Early Doors takes a nostalgic and sherry-fuelled look back at the year's big stories through the medium of recycled posts. ED returns on January 4.
April 1: Appropriate timing for Alan Shearer's arrival at St James' Park.
ED's take: Alan Shearer, Newcastle manager - it was only a question of when, and now we have the answer; at the worst possible moment.
The Geordie Messiah MK II has no coaching experience whatsoever and has only ever voiced his tactical blueprint from the comfort of a well-lit studio. Now he has eight games to keep Newcastle in the Premier League.
Owner Mike Ashley has made life even harder by waiting until three days before the end of a two-week break to make the switch, giving Shearer just enough time to introduce himself to his players before picking the team to play Chelsea on Saturday.
At least he won't have to waste time moving a bulky collection of medals into his new office.
April 15: Chelsea beat Liverpool 7-5 in the Champions League
ED's take: Early Doors has a humdinger hangover. It seems the Champions League has morphed from corporate snooze-fest into a heady Mardi Gras of goal-soaked debauchery in the space of a month and suddenly it all makes sense again.
Chelsea 7-5 Liverpool is a PlayStation scoreline, a ridiculous two-leg total that would just about make sense in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy or the SPL, but surely has no place in a European quarter-final.
It was thrilling, compelling stuff from the outset and almost, but not quite, made up for the drudgery of the group stages.
Watching the action unfold reminded ED of the epic lunchtime matches of its primary school days - when 56-43 represented a cagey encounter and 1-1-8 was the only formation worth playing.
April 17: Hamburg knock Manchester City out of the UEFA Cup
ED's take: If Mark Hughes can make it to August 1 and remain in the Manchester City hot seat, it will be his biggest achievement as a manager.
Sparky knew he was stepping into a big job when he took it on last June, but soon saw it get even bigger when ADUG rocked up to get Thaksin Shinawatra out of jail (literally) and plonk the British record signing down in front of him amid a whirlwind of other wild transfer claims.
Remember the dazed, apprehensive look on Alan Pardew's face when Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano landed on his lap at West Ham? Hughes may be an altogether more composed and dignified character, but he still has the air of a man coping with rather than revelling in his club's budget and expectations, both equally warped.
Worrying times for a man considered a leading candidate for the Old Trafford job when the keys to Carrington are finally pried from Fergie's cold, dead hands (metaphorically speaking, of course).
April 22: Liverpool draw 4-4 - again.
ED's take: The madness at Anfield must have the rest of Europe wondering how on earth English sides continue to dominate on the continent.
Last week, following Liverpool's 4-4 draw with Chelsea in the Champions League, Irish pundit Eamonn Dunphy described that game as "like two drunks fighting in a back alley throwing punches at each other".
If that's the case, then last night's 4-4 draw with Arsenal was akin to two stiletto-heeled slappers rucking on a nightclub dance floor, too busy grabbing a handful of hair or reaching for the nearest bottle of WKD to adequately defend themselves.
George Gillett and Tom Hicks may have sat together and put on the most unconvincing show of unity this side of a photo call for the G20 leaders, but they could only look on as Andrei Arshavin banged in all four of his and Arsenal's shots on target, rounding off each of his goals with increasingly stupid facial expressions. The man is football's equivalent of a Jim Henson muppet.
April 27: Ryan Giggs is voted PFA Player of the Year
ED's take: Can somebody who starts one match in three ever be considered the best player in the Premier League?
The answer, apparently, is yes, after Ryan Giggs won the PFA Player of the Year award despite appearing in Alex Ferguson's starting XI just 12 times this season.
If players were asked to vote at the end of the season instead of when they are still digesting their Christmas turkey, the rapidly imploding Nemanja Vidic would not have been nominated for Player of the Year ahead of Frank Lampard.
There would be no place in the team of the season for Chelsea's Nicolas Anelka, who has gone staler than a week-old baguette since Big Phil got the push.
And Ashley Young's victory in the Young Player category is so 2008, they might as well have picked Duffy.