Early Doors takes a nostalgic and sherry-fuelled look back at the year's big stories through the medium of recycled posts. ED returns on January 4.
May 5: Alan Shearer and Joey Barton fall out
ED's take: Alan Shearer was involved in a furious shouting match with Joey Barton after Newcastle's game against Liverpool, according to The Sun. The pair had to be pulled apart when Shearer laid into Barton after the midfielder's red card for a wild tackle on Xabi Alonso.
When Shearer told him he had let the club down, Barton, who left the pitch mouthing "it wasn't a foul", apparently responded by telling Shearer: "You're a s*** manager with s*** tactics."
As the former Mr Match Of The Day had just selected Damien Duff to play left-back and Fabricio Coloccini to play... well, just to play, it is hard to argue with Barton, who will miss the rest of the season through suspension.
A Newcastle insider told The Sun: "It was unbelievable. They were like two stags," presumably not implying that the pair both had a ruminant digestive system and sharp hooves.
May 7: Chelsea lose to Barcelona, Didier Drogba goes mad
ED's take: It seems that even controversial incidents in football are now subject to rapid inflation in these unstable economic times.
Soon after Barcelona's last-gasp equaliser at Stamford Bridge that sent them into the Champions League final, Frank Lampard bemoaned the fact that Chelsea were denied three clear penalties, followed by Michael Ballack claiming they should have had four or five before John Terry trumped them all by saying: "Over the two legs they played well but the fact is that, in this game, we had six or seven penalty claims waved away."
Some claims were legitimate, some were not, but the theory that by law of averages at least one of them must be given doesn't stand up. Too often referees give big decisions to make up for earlier leniency in the same match, so credit to Tom Henning Ovrebo, a psychologist by trade, for sticking to his guns.
Didier Drogba was so angry that he took it upon himself to break the fourth wall, turning directly to a television camera and saying "It's a f**king disgrace", prompting some amusingly hasty apologies from Richard Keys.
Far from finding the best way to vent his frustration after the final whistle, all Drogba has done is give the banal talking heads more material for the next edition of '100 craziest football moments'.
May 11: Ledley King spends the night behind bars after being arrested outside a London nightspot.
ED's take: It could be awkward to say the least this morning when Tottenham captain Ledley King turns up for training. Or rather, turns up to sit around with ice packs on his knees while everyone else trains.
You might imagine that a player deemed physically incapable of, well, anything really, between matches might do more to ensure he stays in optimum condition given his basic lack of exercise.
All this hellraising sits uncomfortably with claims that Fabio Capello sees King as England's answer to Paolo Maldini - a man who, as far as ED is aware, has never staggered paralytic out of Faces in Ilford with just Alan Hutton's shoulder preventing a full-on faceplant into the Essex pavement.
Such was the scene last season as Spurs' Carling Cup celebrations ended in an unseemly melee, which Juande Ramos apparently used as a tactical blueprint for his defence this season.
May 20: Bremen play Shakhtar Donetsk in the last UEFA Cup final.
ED's take: The last UEFA Cup final before its latest rebranding exercise should be an occasion to savour. Only it isn't.
Of its many problems, the UEFA Cup's most serious is that its current format is so arduous it virtually guarantees that no team worth their salt is able to take it seriously.
UEFA, in their wisdom, have reacted by making the group stage even longer and cementing the competition's status as the Champions League's dowdy, unglamorous sibling.
The newly minted Europa League is so rubbish it is not even Dannii Minogue to the Champions League's Kylie. Or Nicky Hilton to the Champions League's Paris. Or even Paul Ross to the Champions League's Jonathan.
Basically, if Brad Pitt had a younger brother with a face like the rear end of a rhinonerous who lived in a bin around the back of the Brangelina mansion, that would roughly sum up the relationship between the two competitions.
May 28: Manchester United get drubbed in the Champions League final.
ED's take: So, as it turned out, the biggest thing Barcelona had to worry about in Rome was slipping and injuring themselves on that rather treacherous-looking podium as they lifted the trophy.
As the Catalan side went up to collect their third Champions League title after beating Manchester United 2-0 at the Stadio Olimpico, things got so crowded that Early Doors worried Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi might send the whole lot tumbling over in his eagerness to push to the front.
Cristiano Ronaldo stropped throughout and took the first available opportunity to blame somebody else. His manager.
He said: "We didn't do well. The tactics were not good and everything went wrong for us."
Careful now, Cristiano. Those are just the sort of comments that will refuel speculation of you leaving for Real Madrid and may force Fergie, who has a history of dealing ruthlessly with insubordinate players, to sell you. Oh.