Robbie Keane proudly showed off the 'mythical' Liverpool number seven shirt yesterday, but recent history would suggest he is letting himself in for years of injury and ineffective appearances on the wing.
Look at Liverpool's number sevens since 1971 and you'll do well not to notice dramatically diminishing returns.
The shirt went from Kevin Keegan to Kenny Dalglish to Peter Beardsley to Nigel Clough to Steve McManaman to Vladimir Smicer to Harry Kewell.
Switch Clough and McManaman and you would have a perfect downward trajectory, mirroring the club's slide into fourth-best-but-still-the-biggest-club-ever delusion.
It's not exactly George Best, Bryan Robson, Eric Cantona, David Beckham, Cristiano Ronaldo, is it?
Not since Macca loped his way to Real Madrid in 1999 have kids on Merseyside been fighting over the seven shirt in the school team.
In the dank corner of the East Midlands that a young Early Doors called home, there used to be a bizarre clamour for the number three shirt worn by Stuart Pearce.
Given recent squad number inflation, ED supposes youngsters in Bolton spent the first half of last season gouging each other's eyes out for the right to wear the number 39 that once adorned Nicolas Anelka's sulky frame.
And full-scale riots still erupt in Chilean playgrounds as hordes of Ivan Zamorano-loving urchins tear the 1+8 shirt off each other's backs.
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Today's Sun hails PE kit giant Nike for having the guts to send Joey Barton packing, announcing with a shriek: "At last! Someone takes a stand.."
Nike terminated Barton's boot deal following his incarceration, and yet not even they could be bothered to maintain The Sun's assertion that it was a decision based on moral rather than financial concerns.
A spokesman said: "We have a provision in all our sponsorship contracts that take into account any actions by an athlete that bring the brand into disrepute."
Newcastle kept Barton on because they would have had to pay to sack him, and he might help them win some football matches some way down the line.
Nike ditched him because the only way he could become an asset to them now is if he finds God, starts a charity and adopts a Ugandan orphan. Not that likely then.
In fact, Nike said they terminated Barton's contract immediately when he was jailed back in May.
But, much like a referee waiting for an injured player to get back to his feet before sending him off, Nike's red card has only been brandished publicly now Barton is free.
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We all know that TV channels use 'news' services as a promotional tool for their own content - hence why the North-East Masters got almost as much publicity as Euro 2008 on Sky.
This has intensified as the Premier League season nears, especially with Setanta having muscled in with 46 televised games - nearly all featuring Middlesbrough or Wigan.
So desperate is the young upstart to make its mark that Setanta News yesterday trailed a match that is more than three months away.
Want to see Robbie Keane against his old club? Well, if you've got an elephantine memory or actually put fixtures in your diary, you should know that Spurs play Liverpool on November 1!
Over on Sky Sports News, they struggled to find adequate pictures to illustrate the radio-based revelation that Tottenham are in talks with Blackburn over David Bentley.
They plumped for quotes from the England man saying he wanted to leave Ewood Park.
There was something suspiciously recycled-looking about the clip - either the quotes have been used before or Bentley has been at the same swanky garden party for two months.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You never want to go into a season thinking that you are going to do worse than the previous campaign. But it is going to be hard as the Premier League is always difficult." Brad Friedel brings his unique brand of 'positivity' to Aston Villa.
FOREIGN VIEW: Hot on the heels of the relevation that Real Madrid fans don't even want Cristiano Ronaldo, Marca reports that Real will close a cut-price deal for Rafael van der Vaart today for the princely sum of £7m.
TALKING POINT: Your Fantasy tips - Robbie Fowler, Joey Barton, Ashley Young and: "Wilfred Bouma - Surely a GUARANTEED 4 months with no loss of points is too good an opportunity to turn down" (paulchappell82)
ED increasingly fancies its chances against its readership.
On which note, with the Early Doors fantasy league full, it has decided to set up a second division.
The league is imaginatively titled 'Early Doors 2' and, you can gain entry by entering the group ID 8684, the password 'earlydoors' and beating Leeds United in a playoff.
If you're in the first group, please refrain from joining and leave the positions open for those too slow or too lazy to get involved yesterday.
There's only 49 spots up for grabs and there won't be a division three, so hurry if you want to play Fantasy Football against a bunch of complete strangers.
Today: What shirt number did all the kids want at your school?
A GOOD READ: Former England man Paul Parker thinks Joey Barton could cost Kevin Keegan his job. Read all about it.
COMING UP: Live football! There's live freaking football! On the other hand, it's Rangers. They take on Lithuanian titans Kaunas in Champions League qualifying from 7.45pm.