Robin van Persie
In London the Ken and Boris show enters its final furlong, awash with candidate's tears and mutual accusations of tax dodging.
So close is the vote likely to be for the next mayor, pundits are loath to make a prediction as to which of the two self-dramatists will be there in July welcoming the world to London for the Olympics. And, in the process, making the world think Britain must be a very odd place indeed if it elects someone like that to a position of authority.
But in the poll that really matters all bets are off. This is the easiest result to call this side of a North Korean election.
Frankly, if Robin Van Persie is not named as Footballer of the Year we might as well signal the end of logic.
Not anointing him as the season's leading figure would be as insane as Channel 4 commissioning Ricky Gervais's embarrassing and unfunny "Derek" for a 12-part series.
Van Persie has been simply astonishing this season, dragging his team almost single-handedly through its dark times, inspiring them when the going improved.
His manager Arsene Wenger this week spoke of his ceaseless admiration for a player whose skill and accomplishment is matched by his work-rate and commitment. Plus more than a few goals.
As the club's board must be aware now that he is approaching the end of his contract, Arsenal without Van Persie would be like Boris Johnson without his hair. Unrecognisable.
He seems like a decent bloke too. He smiles his way through post-match interviews in a manner which belies the traditional image of the Dutchman as a serial plotter, undermining group resolve.
This is one Van prepared to drive for the collective good.
Indeed, Van Persie has been so outstanding in his first season in English football that has not been pock-marked by injury, that he has outshone two candidates who, in any other year, would be in contention for the award.
On Wednesday, I saw Manchester City demolish West Brom. It was a glittering attacking performance, lit up by sparkling goals. But the player who really caught the eye wasn't a forward.
Indeed, Vincent Kompany didn't have that much to do given the paucity of the visitors' ambition. But my, what a defender he is. Calm, strong, constantly aware, he reads the game with the eye of a chess grandmaster, always three moves ahead.
He is - not remotely coincidentally - the leader of one of only two defences which have shut out Van Persie this season. It is not fanciful to suggest, given the authority he brings to the pitch, had he not been suspended recently, Manchester City would not have suffered the untimely blip in their title campaign.
And talking of absence, those who watched Manchester United's wretched effort against Wigan Athletic the same evening were convinced the main reason for defeat lay in who wasn't playing.
Paul Scholes was having the night off, and as a result United had an off night.
Scholes's return to football seven months after retiring has been the most extraordinary tale of the season. He himself confessed last year that he was giving up because his legs had gone; at 36 he felt he could no longer contribute as he should.
And here he is at 37 running games, scoring goals, his pass completion statistics as good as any in the league.
A friend of mine played in a five-a-side game against him back in October and told me then that he looked as good and hungry as ever - he scored 12 goals in less than half an hour.
It might seem a huge jump from smacking a few past a hapless, starstruck amateur keeper and playing in the Premier League. But for Scholes it has been accomplished with barely a stutter.
Since returning to the fray in January - a move many of us at the time considered to be one of desperation by his manager - he has looked as fresh as he did a decade ago.
He has steadied the nerve at United, reinvigorated the resolve, reminded those who might have temporarily misplaced the formula of what the club was about.
Without question, he was the best signing his manager could have made in the January window. And if there was an award for the footballer who had most influence over the title race, then the manner in which he has made United favourites to retain their gong would mean he would walk it.
But there isn't. So even though Van Persie plays for a side which has won nothing, he will at least be able to put a personal trophy in the sideboard to remember his own annus mirabilis.