London 2012 organisers have prompted yet another outcry in the papers after the details of the Olympic food menus was revealed.
But nobody can quite decide what is the biggest scandal: the pricing, or the ludicrous descriptions used for the simple fare on offer.
Sandwich? No. This is Red Leicester British cheese with British apple chutney and Farm assured lettuce on Oxfordshire …
The Daily Mail is furious at the pricing policy, getting worked up that the £4.20 charge for a bottle of Heineken beer is "the equivalent of £7.23 a pint", which along with a £5.80 jacket potato makes up their £13 headline-grabbing combo.
The Sun is equally outraged by the beer price, suggesting that it's an outrageous amount to ask since the same bottle of Heineken costs a mere £1 at a nearby Asda.
But let's face facts: the only people who can think those prices are a genuine shock are those who have never been to a stadium, pub or motorway service station in their lives.
Indeed, so fatuous are the Mail and Sun articles that we fully expect both papers to run future exposes on another outrage, namely that fans are being charged to sit in the venues when they could watch on television for FREE!
Frankly, it seems more of a scandal that due to ridiculous IOC rules, the vile-tasting Dutch lager is the only beer that will be sold at the Games. Hasn't anyone else noticed that it smells, and tastes, of hay?
Wine suffers a slightly different fate: since no wine maker is an official Olympic sponsor, the 1/4 bottles on offer for £4.80 are an anonymous concoction labelled 'London 2012 wine', and we're deeply aggrieved that they missed the chance to go for a comedy name such as 'Chateaux Stratford' or 'Olymplonk'.
LOCOG chief Paul Deighton has defended the charges, pointing out that, "we believe that our prices are more than comparable to those found at other major sporting events, which because of their temporary nature are often more expensive than the high street."
What is indefensible, however, is the bizarre and often hilarious wording that accompanies the food, which draws particular criticism from the Daily Telegraph.
In what is probably an attempt to deflect attention away from the fact that a cheese sarnie costs £3.80, the said snack is labelled thus: "Red Leicester British cheese with British apple chutney and farm-assured lettuce on Oxfordshire bread."
Even better is the pork salad sandwich: " Freshly-carved Dingley Dell hog-roasted Red Tractor pork, served in Oxfordshire cross hatched bread roll with mixed leaf salad and assorted accompaniments."
In the absence of other information we'll have to assume that the unfortunate pig in question was run over by a 'Red Tractor', and no doubt that tractor will have to be driven round the clock to keep supplies coming during the Olympiad.
These actually sound like highlights of the menu, however (as does the "farm-assured Scotch beef with Long Clawson Stilton pie, Irish mashed potato with Red Tractor cream and British butter and onion gravy"). The Telegraph's Olympic editor Jacquelin Magnay points out that much of the menu makes a mockery of Deighton's insistence that organisers have worked hard to make the menu a culinary "best of Britain" display. With chicken wings, pizza, Singaporean noodles and burritos all on the menu it's more like a selection of post-pub takeaway fare: "Best of British? No wonder McDonald's has built its world's biggest restaurant on the Olympic Park," she writes.
The Olympic menus - Food
Porridge and maple syrup, made with UK oats and milk — £2.20
Toasted tea cakes, with Yorkshire butter — £2.10
Carrot and cucumber sticks with red pesto hummus — £2.50
6 Jerk Red Tractor assured chicken wings — £3.50
Red Leicester British cheese with British apple chutney and Farm assured lettuce on Oxfordshire bread — £3.80
Jacket potato with Dingley Dell bacon and Freedom Foods chicken in a herb mayonnaise, served with roquete and watercress salad — £5.80
Pole and line caught tuna and sweet potato British salad — £5.90
Freshly carved Dingley Dell hog roasted Red Tractor pork, served in Oxfordshire cross hatched bread roll with mixed leaf salad and assorted accompaniments — £6.50
Grilled Red Tractor chicken burrito — £6.50
Penne pasta Red Tractor chicken and mushroom white sauce — £6.50
Thin crust stone baked 10" pizza with spicy pepperoni, spicy beef, basil and oregano — £7.50
Farm assured Scotch Beef with Long Clawson Stilton Pie, Irish mashed potato with Red Tractor Cream and British butter and onion gravy — £8.00
Cod and chips — from £8
Singapore noodle, stir fried egg noodle, chicken, prawns, char sui Pork, chilli and shredded peppers in a hoi sin dressing — £8.50
Lamb Rogan Josh served with Pilaf or Saffron rice — £8.50
The Olympic menus - Drink
Bottled water - £1.60
Fairtrade tea from £2
Fairtrade coffee from £2.60
500ml bottle of Coca Cola - £2.30
330ml bottle of Heineken - £4.20
London 2012 red wine 18.7cl - £4.80