You've got to love the FA Cup final.
We do - and here's some of the reasons why:
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The ridiculously long build-up on TV
When The Rundown was a kid, there was what seemed like an outlandish three-hour build-up. Three hours! It seemed like an orgy of football amazingness between midday and 3pm. Now, unbelievably, the build-up (at least on ESPN) is a quite ludicrous nine and a quarter hours. That's right folks: you can sit down at 8am on Saturday and be entertained by the FA Cup right up to the kick-off at 5.15pm, then through the match - and potentially extra time and penalties - until 8pm.
Let's face it, that would have been a bit much even when we were hyper-excitable kids back in the days when winning the Cup was almost as good as winning the league. Today, the idea of 12 hours of FA Cup coverage is a bit like being offered 200 Mars bars to eat in a single day. Just. Too. Much.
ITV begin at 3.15pm, just two hours before the kick-off, though in fairness even that is probably pushing it considering that Adrian Chiles is leading the broadcast. After all, two hours of live Chiles chumminess was what killed off ITV's breakfast show Daybreak.
For reasons that nobody can quite remember, the classic hymn - originally written in 1847 - has been played before every FA Cup final since 1927, when Arsenal played Cardiff. It's pretty much the only thing the song is famous for, except perhaps that it was being played by the band on the Titanic when the ship went down in 1912. This year, the iconic song will be performed by a Scottish singer called Monica McGhee, who is apparently something to do with some sort of classical band called 'Amore'.
Reminiscing about great finals of the past that you never even saw
Who can forget Coventry City winning courtesy of a deflection from Gary Mabbutt's knee? Wimbledon's Crazy Gang beating Liverpool thanks to Dave Beasant's penalty save? Crystal Palace sharing a 3-3 extra time thriller against Manchester United? Or Stan Matthews masterminding Blackpool's 4-3 win over Bolton in 1953 to win the cup for the first time at the age of 38? Okay, so perhaps not many of us actually remember the last one, but we've all heard so much about it by now that we'd swear we must have been there in a previous life.
You almost never lose with the FA Cup final. The rigours of coming though five matches to make the final means that only two types of team make it: plucky underdogs who've hit a purple patch, and the greatest sides in the country. Saturday's is a classic match-up between the mighty Manchester City and relegation-threatened Wigan Athletic, but we also love every minute when the two best teams in the country go head-to-head - as with Chelsea v Man United in 2007, for example. But let's all agree not to mention the always-disappointing David v David finals, like Portsmouth v Cardiff six years ago. Just not as good.
The match being shown on two channels at once
The ultimate in football pointlessness even today, this was even more ridiculous back in the olden days when BBC 1, BBC 2 and ITV were the only three channels you could even watch. For some reason ITV's picture always seemed more zoomed-in than BBC's; we could never decide whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, and used to spend FA Cup finals running over to the TV (remote controls not yet having been invented) to flick between the two. That tradition continues, though today's fans will have the magic of remote controls, and possibly even picture-in-picture displays, to help them choose between ITV and ESPN.
Football stars being introduced to royalty
The identity of which of the Windsors goes to the FA Cup final is a bit of a lucky dip - Princess Diana did it once or twice, and the Queen has even been known to show up as well. Prince William is a good bet most years since he is officially the Lord High Priest of the FA. Worst case scenario is one of those Kent dukes or duchesses. Honestly, if the players were to pick someone from Kent they'd like to meet, chances are they'd go for 'showbiz royalty' Kelly Brook.
Players parading around the ground in ridiculous suits before kick-off
Turning up looking smart is one thing, but in recent years the two sides have gone to town with outlandish designer suits in an effort to... well, in an effort to look like stereotypical pro footballers. Let's just hope Wigan don't turn up for their big day looking like a bunch of ice cream salesmen. Interestingly, BBC 2 will be screening classic Ealing comedy 'The Man in the White Suit' as the match kicks off. Coincidence? We'll see... (It's well worth watching if the match turns out to be a clunker, incidentally.)