The Muamba miracle
Fabrice Muamba"If I was ever going to use the term miraculous it could be used here. He has made a remarkable recovery so far." - Dr Andrew Deaner, the cardiologist who ran from the crowd at White Hart Lane to attend to Bolton's Fabrice Muamba after he collapsed during an FA Cup match against Tottenham last Saturday.
"It was 48 minutes when he collapsed to reaching hospital and a further 30 minutes after that. He was, in effect, dead at that time... We were fearing the worst and didn't think we'd get the recovery we had. It's incredible." - Bolton's team doctor Jonathan Tobin on the player's astonishing progress so far.
"Fabrice has continued to demonstrate positive signs of recovery and he has not only exceeded our expectations but also our hopes in the way he's recovered. But this remains very early in what could be a lengthy recovery period." - Dr Sam Mohiddin, a colleague of Deaner's at the London Chest Hospital, strikes a note of caution.
"Did we lose?" - Muamba's first question to friends and family on awakening from his coma.
"It's a miracle. I had a phone call from Phil Gartside, the chairman of Bolton, and I have to say it was a very emotional call. As he said, from time to time there are forces somewhere that have nothing to do with reality." - FIFA chief Sepp Blatter strikes the right note (for once) as he discusses Muamba.
Marvellous, magnificent Messi
"I'm sorry for those that want to sit on his throne, but this lad is the best." - Barcelona coach Pep Guardiola on Lionel Messi, who at the age of 24 broke Barcelona's all-time scoring record this week.
"He is sat at the same table as the best in history because he was won very important titles, because he has three Ballon d'Or awards and he will be the one who wins the most because being the player he is he can achieve a lot more. Messi is by far the best player in the world. He is incomparable, he plays in a different league." - Johann Cruyff issues his verdict on the Argentinian.
"Messi is the only player better in real life than on Playstation. With his goals, work, assists, playing football like one does in the playground, he is the number one." - Barcelona-based sports newspaper Mundo Deportivo's verdict.
"Cristiano Ronaldo is some player too. I wouldn't say he is in the shadow of Messi, but he might want to be better than Messi. He has the potential to do it. Ronaldo is an athlete as well as a football player: he is able physically to play every game. He always begins the game like he hasn't played football for three days. He can play 60 to 70 games without any problem. He is a force of nature." - Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger points out that there is more than one miracle worker in Spanish football at the moment.
Bad boys stick together
Frank Bruno"I was very lonely. Do you think I wanna spend my life calling up 118 118 all the time and seeing what you have got on the menu? I don't wanna live my life like that. I am a respectable guy. I met some good ones, I met some bad ones, but yes I was very lonely." - Boxing legend Frank Bruno admits to Piers Morgan's Life Stories that he used the directory enquiries to order prostitutes following the breakdown of his marriage in 2001. Let's hope none of them turned up with moustaches and running vests.
"I was awful. Worst I've ever played in my career. But we WON....... and that's the most important thing. Onwards and upwards. Disappointed with fans booing, we're meant to be in it together. They won't break me, guaranteed. I've been through much worse." - QPR's Joey Barton's response to fans booing him for his performance in the win against Liverpool during the week.
"What a rip-off! M*********er!" - Real Madrid's Pepe to referee Paradas Romero after the official's highly controversial display in which he sent off two players, the Real fitness coach and coach Jose Mourinho. Real drew the match with Villarreal 1-1.
Eric Cantona award for Pretentious Claptrap of the Week
"I have taken this iconic image and dismantled it, softened it slightly. I needed to break it down and make it a bit more graphic and therefore more fashionable in this sense." - Stella McCartney discusses why she decided to turn the Union Jack into something indistinguishable from the Aldi logo and plastered it all over the British Olympic team kit.
Heptathlete Jessica EnnisDisappointed Grandparent award for Guilt Trip of the Week
"I'm disappointed they are not here. I had a letter from Rory that told me he wasn't coming. Of course that made me feel great. And if you believe that, I'll talk to you outside after... Back in the early years of the Tour I went to the British Open to kind of enhance or to create additional interest in international golf. And to think that those guys are now the top international players in the world, we like to have them here." - Golf legend Arnold Palmer discusses his feelings on world numbers one and two Luke Donald and Rory McIlroy declining to play in the Arnold Palmer Invitational at Bay Hill.
Tony PulisHoudini award for Amazing Escape of the Week
"We signed Peter Crouch in the summer without anyone knowing. That took almost four days of non-stop conversations between us and Tottenham and Peter and the like. If other clubs had found out, they would have been attracted and might have signed him before us." - £1m-a-year Stoke City manager Tony Pulis successfully argues to magistrates why he cannot use a chauffeur, thus avoiding a speeding ban despite being clocked at 96mph in a 60mph zone with a licence that is already full of points.