Luis, news of your interview in South America has reached these shores, and we are horrified to hear that the British press are so mean to you that you feel you can no longer stay and play your football here.
You’re right. Thinking about it, the press has been jolly unkind.
How about the time that they called you a diver? That wasn’t very nice, was it? Sorry about that.
The press had no business discussing those contentious falls of yours, nor carrying the following quote, given by one Luis Suarez (presumably no relation):
“I was accused of falling inside the box in a match, and it’s true I did it that time, because we were drawing against Stoke at home and we needed anything to win it.”
So calling you a diver after admitting diving – that was most unfair.
Or perhaps it’s more the case that you felt personally vilified over the incident? As you put it: “I understand the name Suarez sells [papers].”
Well, arguably. After all, it can’t just be about the act of diving. If it were, there’d have been something written about Gareth Bale’s histrionics. Or some criticism of Ashley Young. And there’s no way the media should have reported your manager Brendan Rodgers subsequently telling the media directly your admission of diving was‘unacceptable’.
So you’ve got the press bang to rights on that one.
The real focus should be on your football – and a fine player you are. The media never mention that, do they?
They never stand up for you if you’re hard done by.
They don’t ever allow the fact that this season you were arguably the best player in the Premier League the sweet air of publicity.
And presumably (do tell us if we’re making any false assumptions), you feel it’s appropriate that you are judged only for what you do on the field of play, not what happens off it. You’d have a point. In fact, you were a surprising omission from the Leveson Enquiry.
Remember Mario Balotelli? Used to play for City until earlier this year. There were more than a few occasions when the stories stopped being about the football, and about his private life, and perhaps some of them crossed the line. There’s a good debate to be had about whether the press have any right to be exposing a footballer’s extra-marital affairs, or their personal business away from the game.
And if we have that debate, it would probably distract us briefly from the fact that your reputation in England has been forged entirely for the things that have happened on the field.
The most controversial aspect of your off-the-field life is that the reason you’ve been off the field is 19 matches worth of bans. That’s effectively half a season in two-and-a-half years.
We did make a list of all the contentious moments from your career. Sorry. Can’t think why we did that. Our heads must have been scrambled from when you bit Branislav Ivanovic.
Maybe the press thought it wasn’t the time to apologise because it was you who was busy saying sorry. We should have let bite-gones be bygones.
And at least you’re good at saying sorry, which makes the Liverpool website that much easier to update.
And to be fair to you, Luis, you could have pointed the finger at Kenny Dalglish and the rest of your Liverpool team-mates for some of your troubles.
Sure, they defended you. But wearing those t-shirts in support of a man who was subsequently banned for racial slurs directed at Patrice Evra was not helpful to your publicity. Nor was Glen Johnson suggesting Evra tricked Suarez months after the fact.
But you didn’t blame them. Given just how much support you’ve received on Merseyside, you can’t really be pointing the finger at Liverpool right now, can you?
Especially if in the course of railing at the British press you casually slip in that you wouldn’t be averse to jumping ship and joining a bigger club.
So in one interview you manage to open the door to a move to Real Madrid, but insist that you love Liverpool, and that it’s the fault of the press that you feel like leaving.
Which brings us to our final apology.
Sorry, Luis, but we really shouldn’t let you get away with that.