Our new weekly feature takes a look at all the best sporting quotes of the week.
FIFA CONGRESS IN ZURICH, SWITZERLAND
The English get hammered
"Yes we are facing allegations. Allegations, what a beautiful English word that is. Someone stands up, says a few things in the press and then these things take their own body and mind, they are expanded, take a seed in our minds without most of the time a single shred of truth." - Costakis Koutsokoumis of the Cypriot FA exhibits his command of another 'beautiful 'English word - sarcasm
"With the English bid I said: 'Let us be brief. If you give back the Falkland Islands which belong to us, you will get my vote.' They then became sad and left." - Julio Grondona of Argentine FA reveals what his reasonable demands were to vote for England to host the 2018 World Cup:
Crisis, what crisis?
"If somebody would describe to me a crisis? What is a crisis. Football is not in a crisis. We have just seen a beautiful Champions League final with Barcelona, with fair play. We are only in some difficulties. And they will be solved inside our family." - FIFA president Sepp Blatter does his best Comical Ali meets Don Corleone impression during an astonishing press conference.
"I, Jack Warner, a servant and believer in the principles of this beautiful game do humbly beseech you, my brothers and sisters from the Caribbean Football Union to desist from initiating any protest action at tomorrow's FIFA Congress." - Oh how poetic from FIFA's suspended vice-president Jack Warner, especially as it came just a couple of days after he warned of a "football tsunami that will hit FIFA."
FRENCH OPEN, ROLAND GARROS
"She had a huge big serve so I thought please double fault so I can win the match!" - Li Na was happy enough to take the cheap match point against Maria Sharapova and become the first Chinese player to reach the French Open final.
"As an athlete you want to win. There's no doubt. But, you know, good retail therapy and I'll be fine." - Sharapova meanwhile says she will hit the shops to help get over her loss, the 300,000 euros she gets for reaching the semi-finals will no doubt help.
"Some years ago the champions were always young players. Now it is changing, It's like wine. The more it stays in the bottle, it's much better." - French Open champion and "old timer" Francesca Schiavone on her blossoming late career. The 30-year-old veteran will face Li in the final.
"I mean, since I watched tennis and I played tennis, I have never seen such a situation. Kid just jumped in and messed up my point." - Serbia's Victor Troicki after being forced to replay a key point he won against Andy Murray due to the actions of an overeager ballboy.
GOLF - A GOOD WALK SPOILED?
"I don't like this golf course. Period. End of story. It's a very difficult golf course, especially now it's been redesigned. It's not fun. I was here as a kid watching those great shots but you can't remember them now. They've got what they wanted. I'll speak freely. Many others will not." - safe to say Ian Poulter is not a fan of Wentworth.
"I feel suicidal...to miss out is a horrible feeling. I feel physically sick right now." - Briton Richie Ramsay who missed a play-off to decide a US Open berth AND his friend's wedding after the most unlucky run of events.
"I think if you asked the players who is No.1, they would still say Tiger" - Jack Nicklaus is obviously not sold on Luke Donald as the world's best golfer.
BEST OF THE REST
Let's get naked
"I'll do it, I'll do it. I'll keep my word, I'll do it, but I'm not going to call the international press." - World Cup winner Bixente Lizarazu says he will stick to his pledge to run through the streets of Evian naked to celebrate the club's promotion to the French top flight.
Messi remains untouchable
"I wasn't even touched. I didn't feel a thing and I only found out after all the kerfuffle, it was nothing."- Lionel Messi's response after the press in Argentine claimed he had been violently attacked by a fan in his home city of Rosario.
Van Persie attacks Chelsea
"Chelsea players are always bitching against the referees. I really cannot understand that. Just shut the f*** up and focus on playing football. If you want to witness a lot of complaints, you should just go the bakery or something." - Meeoooww Robin van Persie - if only Arsenal showed such fight on the pitch they might have won a trophy in the last six years.
Michael scores an Owen goal.
"Prefer playing less often in a top team than every game in a poor team. Been there and didn't enjoy it." - Michael Owen on Twitter explaining why he has signed a one-year extension with Manchester United despite spending most of the season on the bench
"We might have been a poor team, but we made him a rich man," - Former Newcastle chairman Freddy Sheppard is under no illusions as to who Owen was referring to.
Insane in the Bahrain
"True peace can only be achieved peacefully. The right thing to do, in my view, is to not race in Bahrain until these doubts have been removed," - Damon Hill gives his thoughts on whether the Bahrain GP should return to the calendar - he wasn't listened to.
Won't somebody please think of the children?
"I think (being) on holiday is good, they recover their forces, their mind energy. It is really important. They returned happy and I needed to stop sometimes the training because they were too happy when they played - like children." - Yes Mr. Capello - the England players are only "like" children.
NEWSPAPER HEADLINE OF THE WEEK
Despot the difference
"Two deluded dictators continued to cling to power yesterday as their corrupt regimes crumbled around them."- Harsh but hilarious comparison from the Sun who put Sepp Blatter on the same front page as Colonel Gaddaffi, we are just not sure who exactly the comparison is being harsh on.