The world of sport has excelled itself with some memorable quotes - but despite contrite Argentines, belligerent left-backs and angry Russian diving coaches, this week's round-up has to start with two British boxers bringing their sport into disrepute...
Haye and Chisora's brawl of shame
"How's your toe? How's your toe? How's your toe?" — Chisora baits the former world champion.
"He glassed me. I swear to God, David, I am going to shoot you. I am going to shoot you. I am going to physically shoot David Haye. He glassed me. He glassed me. He glassed me. I'm not having it. He glassed me" — Chisora's threats continue after the altercation. You can read whole sorry transcript here.
"The reputation of British boxing has been dragged through a pool of blood on the floor of a German bar. How shameful, how damaging to the hard old game, how humiliating for our sporting nation. A vital justification for boxing is that it teaches discipline and self-control to young men, many of whom harbour pent-up anger at the poverty of their early lives. That worthy aspiration was betrayed by the screaming and scuffling of Haye and Chisora" — The Daily Mail columnist Jeff Powell sums up the mood of outrage in the wake of the brawl. More press reaction.
"For all of the great champions from the past that have been polishing the image of the sport of boxing and giving it the glamour, respect and recognition while setting a good example for the youth of the world to follow, this type of behaviour kills all that hard work from the former champs and teaches disrespect for the sport and fellow human beings" — Wladimir Klitschko, whose brother Vitali retained his title on Saturday night against Chisora (lest anyone forget), proves that some heavyweights in boxing are staying classy.
David Haye jets off to Las Vegas in first class
"Jetting off to warmer climates. It's PARTY TIME!" — Haye puts his troubles behind him. After 72 hours.
Elsewhere in boxing
"I can say, 'right, I'll stop this kid in round five'. If I'm good enough to do that then fair enough. I don't gamble but my brothers and my friends, they did quite well off it. I can openly say that because if I'm good enough to step on the gas in round five and force the stoppage then that's my privilege, and that's what I did in this particular fight at the Arena for the Commonwealth title defence. But the problem with that is I held him up in round four. He was there for the taking and I held him up, I got him with a shot, I could have ended up getting done myself in round four" — As the world debated the conduct of boxers, Carl Froch lets a revelation of his own slip out on radio.
Footballers will be footballers
The best of friends"I came here to win medals and trophies, but I'm never going to do that with your tactics" — Ashley Cole reportedly lets rip at his Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas, and finds himself dropped to the bench for the Champions League game at Napoli.
"It has all the makings of managerial suicide" — Jamie Redknapp scorns AVB's team sheet for the crunch game. Chelsea lose 3-1.
"I wish to apologise sincerely and unreservedly to everybody I have let down and to whom my actions over the last few months have caused offence. My wish is to concentrate on playing football for Manchester City Football Club" — Carlos Tevez is sorry. Super-duper-hyper-mega sorry.
"I've got the experience to take this tournament on without a problem. I've said to my FA bosses that if they need me to take the team in the summer I've got the experience. I've been to two major semi-finals as a player, I've been to a final as the U21 manager and I've been with Fabio Capello to South Africa to a World Cup. Tournament football does stand alone a little bit in respect to club football. Fabio found out one or two things and one or two things you'll do slightly different" — Stuart Pearce's pitch for the England job this summer.
Out with the old, in with the new-ishHow to hire a manager
February 13: "It is not a job for a novice. We have to work quickly, we have to get the right manager in, but we are open-minded about what shape and form that takes, whether it is short term or long term." Wolves chief executive Jez Moxey on replacing Mick McCarthy.
February 24: "Having spoken to a number of people we have drawn that process to a close and myself and the board are unanimous that Terry is the right man to lead the club for the remainder of the season." Wolves chairman Steve Morgan on managerial debutant and new boss Terry Connor.
Tom Daley as Russian tennis bombshell
British diving star Tom Daley
"It reminds me of the situation in Russia with Anna Kournikova. She looked pretty and made a promising start but the media exposure meant she never got to be the best. Maybe now people will trust me because I'm an expert. When I said the Chinese train three times harder than Tom, a million people have been saying 'Alexei, you're a liar' - but now you can see.
"I am angry because nobody will listen to me. If he stopped all his media work now, I might be able to get him up to the third best diver in the world. I don't mind what he does if he gets the medal. He can become a rock star then." — Tom Daley's diving coach Alexei Evangulov's approach to encouragement appears to be more stick, and less carrot.
Former Russian tennis player Anna Kournikova
Elsewhere in sport
"I woke up that morning and I felt like I was going to win. I honestly did. I had this complete calmness about it, too. That was the best part about it. It's all good to say I'm going to win today, but if you are all nervous inside then you actually have doubts. I felt so calm and I was so convinced that I could do it" — Charl Schwartzel — Masters winner, master of Zen.
"I enjoyed this evening - the calmness of the chase. Also, losing early wickets and having to bat through the whole innings. I'm still not picking (Saeed) Ajmal after two months here but it's good fun" — Kevin Pietersen celebrates an innings of 130 with a bout of refreshing honesty.
"I'd like to see him in a good car. I'd like to see Michael [Schumacher] in the second Red Bull. I don't think Sebastian Vettel would mind. It would be nice to see him in a car where you know full well that if he doesn't win it's his fault, not the car. He's still capable of winning" — Bernie Ecclestone calls for up-and-coming young driver Schumacher, 43, to get his chance in the sport.
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