"After the wheel, the greatest ever invention ever is the PlayStation. I have played at least four times more games on it than in real life." – The surprising view of Italy and Juventus superstar Andrea Pirlo from his new autobiography. Not an Xbox fan then, Andrea?
IT’S A JOKE!
"operacion puerto case is beyond a joke... biggest cover up in sports history? why would court order blood bags to be destroyed? #coverup" – Andy Murray doesn’t mince his words after the shocking decision of a Spanish court to order all evidence in the infamous doping case to be destroyed, thus protecting other alleged cheats outside cycling.
GERMANY 2-0 SPAIN
“For the first time in my life I had to give up due to heart problems. I went to the toilet for the last minutes, locked myself in, covered my ears and looked at my watch. I had all kinds of thoughts going through my head.” – Borussia Dortmund general manager Hans-Joachim Watzke takes ‘squeaky bum time’ to a whole new level during the nail-biting finale to their Champions League semi-final win over Real Madrid.
Watzke had to wait until Xabi Alonso finished crying in there (Getty/Yahoo! composite)
"I don't think we need to change any players. What we do need is to get our injured players back because they are top performers. I am convinced that if we had been at 100 per cent we would have competed in a different way.” – Tito Vilanova in a mild sense of denial about Barcelona’s thrashing by Bayern Munich.
“Perhaps this was the worst moment of my career at Barcelona. With or without Lionel Messi, the result would have been the same.” – Gerard Pique disagrees.
ITV’s Gabriel Clarke:"Jose, we're going to have to leave it there, many commiserations tonight. Maybe next season with Real?"
Real Madrid boss Jose Mourinho:"Maybe not."
Mourinho:"I don't know, but I want to be where... I love to be where people love me to be..."
SUAREZ GOOD, BALE BAD
"(Gareth) Bale is a brilliant talent and I’d love to have him at Liverpool but he’s also one of the biggest cheats. (Luis) Suarez stopped diving and now the PFA Player of the Year needs to do the same and clean up his act.” – You what?! John Aldridge gets it horribly wrong.
FRAUDLEY WISES UP
"There are only so many times you can fall before it becomes foolhardy to continue. I've fallen a lot, but winning the heavyweight title was a destination I really wanted to get to. Coming back from adversity has been synonymous with my life. I've done well to turn my life around, but sadly my dream to be a legitimate world champion will be unrealised. Our life is a one-time deal, no rehearsals, so the regrets I have, I live with and accept... I got focused a little late in life, so I've had to learn some tough lessons along the way.” – The typically self-critical Audley Harrison was always a better talker than he is a boxer. Let’s hope he makes some smart career choices now he has retired.
“I've realised I don't miss snooker but I needed a bit of money. I'll be honest, I still owe the school money for my children's school fees, I haven't paid the last two or three terms. I didn't know what was going to happen here but I've made a little bit of money now so I can go and pay the school fees now for the next two years. But really I don't think snooker is for me. This could be my last proper major event.” – You should always take what Ronnie O’Sullivan says with a pinch of salt, but his latest threat to quit is probably for real.
"Ronnie O'Sullivan is the best thing to happen in snooker and the world championships. UNTIL HE OPENS HIS FXXXXXXX MOUTH" - We think Mark Williams is paying Ronnie a back-handed compliment on Twitter.
"My main aim this week is just to go out there and enjoy it. I don't really want to think too much about the result.” – No great shakes until you realise that the athlete quoted is 12 years old. Ye Wocheng shot a seven-over 79 on his first European Tour round at the Volvo China Open.
NOT EVERYONE LIKES ZE GERMANS
"If you look at the cycle on selling tickets...on the Monday after a Grand Prix Sunday you tend to see a spike. The weekend we had Lewis (Hamilton) on the podium there was a spike (in ticket sales) and when you see (Sebastian) Vettel there is less of a spike. I think the needle-movers (for sales) are going to be basically 'not Vettel'.” – Sebastian Vettel is some way short of being the most popular Formula One driver, according to Silverstone managing director Richard Phillips.