"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!"
"He's about as predictable as a wasp on speed."
"Look at the man go, it's like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a pea-shooter."
"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in with a portion of chips, you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them."
"That's the greatest comeback since Lazarus."
"One word to describe that — magic darts."
"He's going like the Loch Ness Monster with a following wind!"
"It's the nearest thing to public execution this side of Saudi Arabia."
"Look at him as he takes his stance, like he has been sculptured, whereas Bobby George, with his bad back, looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame."
"Bob Anderson ... looking like Lee van Cleef on a bad night!"
"The atmosphere is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum when the Christians were on the menu."
"Big Cliff Lazarenko's idea of exercise is sitting in a room with the windows open taking the lid off something cool and fizzy."
"As Freud said to Jung in Vienna, you can psych up too much for a darts match."
"Bristow reasons; Bristow quickens; aaaaah Bristow!"
"Keith Deller's not just an underdog, he's an underpuppy!" - Deller would go on to win the 1983 World Championship final against Bristow with a 138 finish.
"He's as cool as a prized marrow!"
"He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave."
"When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer... Bristow's only 27."
"The pendulum swinging back and forth like a metronome."
"That's like giving Dracula the keys to the blood bank."
"This lad has more checkouts than Tesco's."
"Even Hypotenuse would have trouble working out these angles."
"Steve Beaton - the Adonis of darts, what poise, what elegance - a true Roman gladiator with plenty of hair wax."
"Phil Taylor's got the consistency of a planet ... and he's in a darts orbit!"