Cow Corner Blog

Sultans of Swing

Wed Jun 04 11:55AM

Richard Ellison took 17 wickets as England won the Ashes in 1985 and a promising international career beckoned.

But he only played a further four Tests, the Kent swing bowler blaming a change in the fabric of his trousers for his inability to obtain lateral movement.

Laughed at 20 years ago for being two pork pies short of a full picnic, it now seems he had a point.

New Zealand are set to unveil their new slacks in tomorrow's third Test against England at Trent Bridge.

The bowlers' trousers are specially designed to put shine on the ball and there is also a micro-slide version for fielders.

Lest not forget the IonX BaseLayer performance underwear which is claimed to improve performance by 2.7 per cent which means the Kiwis could turn a 237-run defeat into a 230-run defeat.

Inventor Dipal Patel, a former engineering student, told the Daily Telegraph: "To start with, we looked at putting two patches on the bowlers' trousers - one to shine the ball, and one to scuff it up, in case you wanted to produce reverse-swing.

"But we have since dropped the abrasive patch. I'm a member of MCC, and I didn't want to lose my membership for going against the spirit of cricket."

So the Sarfraz Nawaz range has been ruled out but there is still work on a pair of trousers covered with grit to be known as the "Athers".

- - -

Don Bradman's Test career of course ended in a whimper - the greatest man ever to wield a piece of willow needed just four in his last Test innings at The Oval in 1948 to ensure a Test average of 100 but was out second ball for 0.

And the same has happened to Mr Bronwyn from Neighbours. Stuart MacGill's 0-75 leaving him with 208 wickets at a shade over 29 from his 44 Tests.

Those figures show that if you can turn a ball sideways on the M3, as MacGill could, you can take 4.72727273 wickets per match.

"MacGiller" made his Test debut in January 1998, since then England have used Phil Tufnell, Ian Salisbury, Peter Such, Robert Croft, Ashley Giles, Chris Schofield, Richard Dawson, Gareth Batty, Shaun Udal, Ian Blackwell and Monty Panesar. And he's better than all of them.

If he were English, we could have quite easily been talking about the third most successful bowler of all-time with 600+ wickets.

But then again his missus would have been in Emmerdale.

- - -

TALKING POINT: What's the strangest item of clothing you've seen on a cricket pitch and how good was Stuart MacGill.

PRISON BREAK UPDATE: Pakistan paceman Mohammad Asif is set to remain in detention in Dubai for several more days while authorities conduct tests on a substance found in his possession. He could end up in a cell with Grooverider where they can chat about reverse swing behind a drum and bass soundtrack.

LIVE TODAY: There are three live games from the Friends Provident Trophy quarter-finals but it's canoeing weather in Canterbury so that's off.

Comments1 - 12 of 12

Strange items of clothing - don't know if black boots can be classified as clothing but that was what Ian Chappell wore once and when the ump asked him to change, he promptly dropped his trousers on the pitch.. then there was Dennis Lillee's aluminium bat - but the strangest was a hidden skull cap worn by Sunil Gavaskar under a white floppy panama - he wanted to show the world that he wasn't wearing a helmet but at the same time wanted to be re-assured of additional protection..
Stuey MacGill was clearly unlucky to be born in the same era as Shane Warne - as you rightly said, if he were in any other national side he would have ended up right up there with Warne and Murali - that good he was..
From arviemail on Wed Jun 04 12:21PM
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I thought Bronwyn went off with Brad... Confused now.
From g_hine on Wed Jun 04 12:25PM
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It's almost as unlikely a pairing as Marilyn and Le Tissier, or Tony Adams and Caprice
From g_hine on Wed Jun 04 12:30PM
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Strangest item sighting, I'm sure i saw Mark Ramprakash wearing an England kit some years ago and the rumour was he didn't buy it from a shop!
From sikka316 on Wed Jun 04 12:35PM
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I'm sorry, but Ramps' England outfit wasn't nearly as strange as clothes he wore on any given Saturday Night whilst participating in Strictly Come Dancing....
I wonder if sequins and latex would provide for reverse swing?
From g_hine on Wed Jun 04 12:39PM
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come to think of it - if you just say "cricket pitch" it can be anyone not just the players isn't it ?? then the award must go to the countless streakers who have (or have not) worn their birthday suits while running on to the pitch...
From arviemail on Wed Jun 04 12:43PM
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Daryl Hair and Rudi Koertzen frequently don an Umpires uniform... Ridiculous
From g_hine on Wed Jun 04 12:49PM
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Watching Englang v Proteas few years back a bloke started jogging around the boundary in a neon pink thong. He didn't actually make it on to the pitch and the stewards didn't seem to know what to do. It was more disruptive than if he'd actuallt streaked and provided a much needed distraction from watching that pinch faced arse Smith run up a massive socre
From chrisnewman950 on Wed Jun 04 01:24PM
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Another entry - the ridiculous shades worn by Indian fatso offspinner Romesh Powar (even while playing under lights) - they come in various hues of purple, fluorescent green, pink, magenta etc.
From sauramltd on Wed Jun 04 01:25PM
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Daryl Hair and Rudi Koertzen frequently don an Umpires uniform... Ridiculous
i agree with you.
From hiresh_hk on Wed Jun 04 02:19PM
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Hiya Cowers - another entry for strangest clothing - Herschelle Gibbs wearing football boots while playing in the IPL (yes, I can't refrain from mentioning the damned league) because he said it gave him better grip while fielding out in the dew in Indian conditions at night...
From arviemail on Wed Jun 04 03:38PM
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hiresh - the strangest must be Mark Benson... whoever gave him passing marks in the umpiring exams need to have their clothing examined..
From arviemail on Wed Jun 04 03:39PM
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