Cow Corner Blog

Blunt bowlers blame the ball

Thu Jul 09 07:07PM

Simon Katich and Ricky Ponting hauled Australia into a strong position at 249 for one with England all out for 435, but frankly the pair's rearguard was as riveting as a Hugh Morris press conference, so we shall cast our minds back to the morning session.

No sooner had England captain Andrew Strauss set his tail-enders the target of reaching 400 from an overnight score of 336 for seven, but he suddenly clocked that Monty Panesar could be striding out to bat in no less than two balls.

Such a grave scenario was delayed for a healthy length of time thanks to a masterful display of expansive, enterprising batting from Graeme Swann, who plundered a brisk 47 off 40 balls and looked every inch a Ted Dexter impersonator.

Australia's bowlers went down the Swanny, when the spinner began swinging with such reckless abandon that you wondered if he had been drilling Bloody Marys during his side's morning meeting.

Indeed, Swann and Anderson would have been justified in hinting to Andy Flower that perhaps reversing the batting order should not be a tactic confined solely to drunken village-tour matches after their partnership of 51 off 38 balls.

It was later revealed from the England camp that each tail-ender is assigned a 'batting buddy', with Paul Collingwood mentoring Panesar, and Alastair Cook tutoring James Anderson.

The results were there in black and white, as Panesar patted a full toss down at his feet with circumspection, and Anderson nurdled a back-foot push behind square. It may appear to be a lazy approach to coaching, but it seems to have worked.

Watching Hauritz and Ben Hilfenhaus bowling in tandem was conducive to the rewarding pursuit of building beer snakes, as the supporters did not entirely appreciate the bowlers' defensive smattering of tight-line deliveries.

Hauritz's first delivery turned so prodigiously it had both he and Swann grinning broadly, with the Australian clearly the most surprised. Given how rarely the spinner actually turns the ball, it must replicate the feeling of sheer wonder a small child experiences when placing a ball into Merlin - the leg-spin bowling machine.

Hauritz was picked in preference to Beau Casson, Jason Krejza, Cameron White and Bryce McGain - a shortlist which smacks of the indecisive selection methods endorsed by England's Raymond 'prove yourself right now' Illingworth in the 90s.

Peter Siddle, who was a very promising competitive woodchopper back in rural Victoria, was not impressed when Panesar blatantly mimicked him with a vertical hack in his sixth over of the day, which would have taken care of any eucalyptus in the outback.

When Australia batted, Phil Hughes looked like a man who had sunk seven Red Bulls in quick succession prior to the innings, fidgeting furiously and swatting at the ball as if a fly were buzzing around in his face.

With Matthew Hayden back in Queensland pan-frying sea bass, Hughes was in Cardiff getting dismissed for fewer runs than his predecessor has editions of his self-acclaimed and inventively titled 'Matthew Hayden Cookbook'.

The crowd became increasingly inebriated as Katich and Ponting moved inexorably towards their centuries, and the volume and intensity of their cheering had less and less correlation to the events on the field.

The bars continued to fill steadily as Swann and Panesar peppered the off stumps of Ponting and Katich, whose obdurate batting caused many to lose the will to live.

Panesar averaged two vociferous appeals an over, with umpire Billy Doctrove wanting to clock him over the ear with his sun hat but, as the pundits infuriatingly continue to retort: 'That is just Monty!'

Both sets of bowlers can blame the ball for not swinging enough, not bouncing enough, or not making them smile enough, but maybe they should stop bemoaning the conditions if this opening Test is not to peter out into a drab draw.

Meanwhile, as Cowers alluded to earlier, Michael Vaughan is at pains - or rather pleasure - to insist that he is enjoying retirement, but is he about to front a new 'Pimms o'clock at the cricket' advertising campaign? Here is yesterday's evidence, and a close inspection of the date would suggest that this was indeed a photo from today?

USER COMMENT OF THE DAY: I hope Kevin Pietersen watched both Katich and Ponting very closely today. Not one rash shot between them, even when they were in their sixties, seventies, eighties and nineties. He is supposed to be our number one batsman, but he is a joke and I stand by my suggestion that he should be dropped until he learns how to bat properly. I know he top-scored but that is only because the rest of our top-order is so rubbish. (Kestephenson, sounding very much like an even blunter version of Geoffrey Boycott).

SHOT OF THE DAY: Swann bashed three boundaries off one Hauritz over, but the third was outrageous: an audacious reverse sweep for four which reeked of mock arrogance from the bowler. The Wicket-Keepers' Union may still be going strong, but clearly the Spinners' Union has very little substance indeed.

STAT OF THE DAY: Ponting became the fourth man in the history of cricket to reach 11,000 runs, joining Allan Border, Brian Lara and Sachin Tendulkar who have also reached that landmark. Ponting has the highest average of all of them with 56.42.

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If Pieterson could add just a LITTLE bit of Boycott to his style and stop waiting for the TV camera's to be on him, he would still be batting now.
PS. And get rid of those stupid 'notice me' sunglasses.
From casacalidaa on Fri Jul 10 03:11AM
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684 runs for 11 Wks, a great test wicket, England batters threw it away and not only KP. Lets hope that all the talk of the brilliant English spinners is not only talk.
From djones5512 on Fri Jul 10 07:51AM
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at the risk of offending certain BBC sports pundits, who stated that england ended day one 'on top', the aussie score seems to reflect that the pendulum has swung, and there are still, hussey, clarke, haddin etc to come. wonder what they will say at the end of play today ??
From brendabulmer34 on Fri Jul 10 08:10AM
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England are welcome to Peterson, yes he is a wonderful batsman, but until he learns to play responsibly and for the team, he will never be great. With his ego he is also a major divisive influence in the change room. Hasn't changed since he was a schoolboy.
On this wicket, I'm backing Oz to make 650 plus and then use the crumbling wicket to put major pressure on Englands second innings. Unfortunate, as I'd love nothing more than to see the Aussies lose.
From andyrhb003 on Fri Jul 10 08:27AM
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'Hauritz was picked in preference to Beau Casson, Jason Krejza, Cameron White and Bryce McGain - a shortlist which smacks of the indecisive selection methods endorsed by England's Raymond 'prove yourself right now' Illingworth in the 90s' ha ha you are clueless ill take Nathan over those two non spinning spinners you bowled ydya. Well Monty had so much potential but you King of Spained him negative boring tatics over the years has made him inaffective. He would nt get a game in a Sydney grade team and Swann ha ha he may be able to play a reverse sweep but he cant bowl or take wickets oh sorry he took a load verse the West Indies ha ha ha ha ha ha PS You all keep going on about the 2005 series does anyone in england remember 2006/07 ??? For your guide it was 5-0 REMEMBER history does repeat its self bye bye England
From allornone11 on Fri Jul 10 08:30AM
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According to Mr Collingwood the most over rated player ive ever seen Hauritz isnt as good as Monty and Swann ha ha they didnt look like turning a corner NO ticker boys! All the talk of 2005 again, the hype , the deluded grandure remember 2006/07 ???? Nah didnt think ya did ut was 5-0 ha ha ha like a candle in the wind Freddy u r idiot !
From allornone11 on Fri Jul 10 08:46AM
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who writes cow corner ??? he is a complete IDIOT! go on let Swan and Anderson open the batting they cant bowl so may as well. perhaps cook and strauss could open the bowling ? I hope so it will be 2006/07 all over again ha ha oh you dont remember ? It was 5-0 probably one of the weakest touring teams Ive ever seen and captained by the candle in the wind woofter ha ha ha bye bye England AGAIN !
From allornone11 on Fri Jul 10 08:49AM
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Hey azandabby Kevs truely is the most talented arrogant south African Ive ever heard or seen ! funnily enough England take another non Englishman as their own lets see Greig, lamb, Smith, Caddick, Kev anyone else ??? oh yes but Im bored with English cricket go and loose to the 7th ranked West Indies in the WI again and stay there PETHETIC !
From allornone11 on Fri Jul 10 08:52AM
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Last comment about Pietersen. Jack Hobbs used to get himself out AFTER he got his century. he was a professional cricketer.
From james_ssmith on Fri Jul 10 09:49AM
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KP is a decent batsmen but has any truly great batsmen of the past or present consistantly tried to work 98 balls out of every 100 through the legside regardless of where the ball was bowled. He seems to have almost totally eliminated the offside from his armoury. Seems rather one dimensional to me.
From stevedon7 on Fri Jul 10 09:58AM
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allornone11 I dont think you understand the nature of this, nobody is actually saying they should reverse the batting order. Lighten up and get over yourself!
From garyplatt7 on Fri Jul 10 10:24AM
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Well, despite all the partisan rhetoric, it was always obvious that the Australian top five was an extremely good batting line-up; their bowling doesn't look so strong, but tours have brought players on amazingly many times before now. One thing that does stand out for me however is that Aussie batsmen haven't lost the 'test mentality' - ie, batting over 5 days not 5 overs - while at least some of England's batters either have or else never developed it in the first place. It helps nothing of course when idiots start drawing ludicrously over-inflated conclusions on the strength of a couple of days play in the first test of the series ... this is tabloid hype, not opinion.
From bretorne on Fri Jul 10 10:48AM
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were you watching k.p that was a masterclass in how to bat responsibaly and score at a good rate without showing off, how much longer can k.p live off of his success it the ashes series of 4 yrs ago, i would suggest unless he gets his giant ego under control he should be dropped the same can be said of flintoff thes two think they are indispensible the time has come to show them it takes 11 men to win a match (its called teamwork) something they think doesnt apply to them
From chrisrobinstoffa on Fri Jul 10 01:25PM
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Doubt it!
From jay8my on Fri Jul 10 01:52PM
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hey garyplatt7 im relaxed the whirlwind tail end frenzy ws a laugh but lets put it into context no one in the England team went on with the job. Its nice when the tail wags, but broad and swann are there to get wickets 1st and they dont seem to be capable. i know the English think Broad is a natural talent and I hope for his and Englands sake that he is successful, but Ive seen alot of him and I think he is highly overrated as bowler yet alone an all rounder, he looks pretty though, guys Harmy has to come back as fragile as he is, he is genuine wkt taker good luck !
From allornone11 on Fri Jul 10 03:05PM
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At this stage the Aussies look very threatening, England could be as much as 150 behind, as is demonstrated by Pieterson ,England lack patience & discipline, their batting is good enough, once again their temperament is letting them down, and of course all the media hype does not do them any favours,& painting the Aussies as underdogs was a huge mistake, all it does is to galvanise the Aussies, the English, by nature, are not a bragging lot, quite the opposite, as an Aussie, let's see what happens this afternoon, England are not out of it, they need some wickets, now! Ned Kelly
From jcastledineruiz on Fri Jul 10 04:17PM
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