Cow Corner Blog

De Villiers flattens flaccid England

Fri Nov 27 08:48PM

England looked to protect a slender 1-0 series lead in the third one-day international at Newlands, but AB de Villiers duly demolished their hopes with a dashing and destructive 85-ball 121.

Andrew Strauss has spent the past week extolling the values of consistency and efficiency, but the only thing consistent about his side was their bowling of utter tripe, and the humiliating manner of their defeat.

But before we begin to sound like Bob Willis, we must acknowledge the staggeringly belligerent bulldozer of an innings by de Villiers (pictured), who wielded his willow like a man with wasps circling his head.

England were seeking to register their seventh consecutive ODI victory over South Africa, but instead they dished up enough dire deliveries to allow the hosts to post the joint-highest score at Newlands - 354 for six - to equal their total against Kenya in 2001. Considering that Steve Tikolo et al offer nothing more than 80mph trundle, England's much-vaunted duo of Stuart Broad and James Anderson will feel particularly embarrassed.

Broad returned to the England side to relieve Saj Mahmood from his inauspicious return to the international fold, while Adil Rashid was spared the indignity of another pummelling by Graeme Swann's return, but neither could prevent de Villiers's mauling.

Swann, sporting dubious designer stubble which made him resemble something between Noel Edmonds and a young Mike Gatting, was perhaps England's most consistent bowler, going at just 5.44 per over as the rest were hammered all round Newlands.

Graeme Smith squandered the opportunity to close the gap on MS 'Boom, Boom' Dhoni and Mike 'Mr Cricket' Hussey at the top of the ODI batting rankings at Centurion, but plundered a brisk 54, while Hashim Amla notched up a steady 86. Smith reached his half-century shortly after some utterly revolting cricket as Paul Collingwood lobbed a full-bunger down the leg side and Matt Prior contrived to let the ball pass him for five wides - it epitomised England's shoddy display in the field.

But both Smith and Amla fell, along with Duminy, whose key contribution would follow with the ball in an unlikely role-reversal. But this was all the prelude to de Villiers's swaggering knock, and England had no response other than to shake him by the hand and mutter to themselves about the unresponsive pitch and marble outfield.

In the tourists' response, Luke Wright pummelled a gigantic six down the ground before laughing his head off and promptly skying a catch to deep mid-wicket, as the all-rounder clearly spent the lunch interval at the Castle Lager brewery behind the Kelvin Grove End.

Jonathan Trott returned to his old doorstep in Cape Town and, after South Africa coach Mickey Arthur instructed his side to be less 'matey' with the batsman and 'up the ante', could only muster a pedestrian nine.

Indeed, Arthur believed that the sage advice and information divulged by former England coach Duncan Fletcher in the suitably vague role of 'tactical consultant' was decisive. But the man who made Andrew Flintoff his captain in 2006 knows about as much in terms of insight into the England dressing room as fellow consultant and former Gloucestershire 'Moon Ball' bowler, Jeremy Snape.

England's returns in one-day cricket in the past 14 months have fluctuated like the stock market, and the tourists looked devoid of ideas with the bat as even JP Duminy was made to look like a latter day Bishan Bedi, taking two wickets at a paltry economy rate.

Smith took the Flintoff approach to captaincy, employing baffling tactics in re-introducing the ailing former Kent all-rounder Ryan McLaren to usher in the batting powerplay. The result was two successive Collingwood sixes and a four for good measure. The words: 'Take a blow there, Ryan' would have surely followed from his skipper's mouth, but no matter, the result was sealed.

Collingwood eventually succumbed to South Africa's steady bowling as he attempted to shovel the excellent Wayne Parnell - five for 48 - over Table Mountain, but was caught by Amla rather closer to home as the batsman looked to swipe his fourth maximum.

Eoin Morgan, who has been hankering for a role in the Test side, will have to keep a lid on hurling 'paddles and flicks' if he is to avoid the widespread hysteria suffered by Kevin Pietersen when he was dismissed for a switch-hit against South Africa in 2008 - he fell for a drab duck. KP was rather more successful as he compiled 45, but suffered the indignity of being bowled off his forearm by Duminy, and had the look of thunder to reflect it.

As has rarely been said before, it really was the case that Collingwood's dismissal saw the bars fill and the cars start, as the contest and the entertainment was effectively extinguished after he holed out.

England's defeat was tame, but de Villiers's assault was worthy of winning any match and, with the series now tied at 1-1, it will be the hosts who go to Port Elizabeth in buoyant mood.

SHOT OF THE DAY: Three imperious shots from De Villiers off Broad in the 43rd over represented a 'take your pick' job for the shot of the day. The first was a sickeningly audacious dab over Prior's head which prompted a wry grin from Strauss; the second was a drive absolutely lambasted through midwicket; and the third was spanked disdainfully past the bowler to complete the set.

STAT OF THE DAY: South Africa have won 25 out of their previous 28 ODIs at Newlands, with victories in their last 10 - have not lost there since 2003.

USER COMMENT OF THE DAY: "I cannot work out if England are trying to bowl in de Villiers's slot or whether he simply has no weaknesses? I think if de Villiers was to request a bowling line-up to take apart, it would not be much different from the guys he was facing today," (Garyplatt7).

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