Cow Corner Blog

Dissing the away fans

Wed Jul 09 02:17PM

So the Test series between England and South Africa is nearly upon us.

The battle to become the second best team in the world and inevitably still get thrashed by Australia.

Maybe the guy on the tannoy at Lord's tomorrow will take a leaf from the Simpsons episode when the announcer says: "Avis Rent-A-Car is proud to present the second best band in America. Will you welcome Garfunkel, Messina, Oates, and Lisa singing their number two hit, "Born to Runner-up".

With just eight miles between Little Joburg (or Earlsfield as it's known on maps of London) and St John's Wood, there is a good chance there will be plenty of banter between the two sets of fans.

So if you have someone shouting in Afrikaans next to you whilst munching on some boerewors, here's the definitive guide to putting him in his place with some anti-Saffa gags carefully lifted from websites without a legal team.

* What do Mark Boucher and Michael Jackson have in common?
- They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.

* How bad is the South African batting?
- Extras is batting at seven.

* What is the height of optimism?
- Neil McKenzie putting on sunscreen.

* What’s the South African version of a hat-trick?
- Three runs in three balls.

* What do you call a South African with 50 runs against his name?
- A bowler.

* Who has the easiest job in world?
- The guy who removes the ball marks from the SA bats.

* What does Hashim Amla and a drug addict have in common?
- Both wonder where their next score will come from.

* Who spends the most time at the crease of anyone in the touring party?
- The lady who irons the kit.

* Why did Minki dump Graeme Smith?
- Because he went in and out too quickly.

- - -

That last one-liner from the Bob Monkhouse School of Comedy refers to the South Africa captain's former beau Minki van der Westhuizen.

As Cowers is a regular subscriber to Heat magazine in Cape Town, we know that Slinky Minki, who was ranked #24 on the Maxim Hot 100 Women of 2003, has now left the opener and married someone else.

So no cutaway shots to an excited WAG when Smith inevitably makes a ton but don't worry, the tourists are not too shabby on the wives and girlsfriend front.

Neil McKenzie is married to Kerry McGregor, a wonderbra model, and his sister Megan was voted the sexiest woman in South Africa by readers of FHM magazine

And Jacques Kallis is no longer with Cindy Nel, a former Miss South Africa who ﬁnished third in the 2003 Miss Universe contest, but has managed to draft in Shamone Jardim who guess what is also a model.

If only Cowers had practised his forward defensive more as a kid!

- - -

FEEDBACK OF THE DAY: "Jude, I rather suspect you are a 4ft tall weakling. I wouldn't square up to you because you could upper cut my balls. Nevertheless, I hate you and everything that you possibly stand for," g_hine neatly sums up what everyone else thinks of the douche jude_surf

TALKING POINT: Any favourite cricket jokes? Any favourite cricket WAGS and seriously who win will the series?

LIVE: Warwickshire v Kent for a place in the Twenty20 Cup finals day, follow the game on the LIVE SCORECARD from 5.30pm.

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yah heres are good cricket joke i heard a couple years back:
This one man walks up to a wicket and tells this other guy playing cricket, "so did you hear flintoff is back in the England fold?" The guy replies, "who the @#$% cares? cricket is for a bunch of posh penis whores who think their @#$% doesn't stink!"
From henrikedwardlarsson on Wed Jul 09 02:22PM
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There are Cricket jokes?
From claire881 on Wed Jul 09 02:28PM
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What no jokes about a coach getting 'murdered' at the World Cup?!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 09 02:31PM
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England will win the series, with Ali Cook winning man of the series. Andre Nel will hopefully take a jock strap to the face. Freddy will disappoint, and KP will excel. Jude_surf will be taken to court for beastiality with mooochas the chicken.
From the_kop2003 on Wed Jul 09 02:31PM
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oooo a new cow corner and no sign odf coffin dodger ave maria, obviously an RC boy
yes there are jokes claire biut be honest do you understand them ?
I think CC is likely a tottenham supporter always in hope of winning the premiership and instantly disapointed at the end of week one
I thought England won the world cup recently you would not rate them reading the humour above
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:32PM
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"ENGLISH CRICKET"
after all - its been a running joke for a while now...
From kantong_wokster on Wed Jul 09 02:33PM
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haha - running joke... get it?? hahahahahahaha
From kantong_wokster on Wed Jul 09 02:33PM
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I love Mr Smurf he hads a good deal more colour to the cricket scene that anyone else around here
I know he sucks but lets face it at least he is not still talking about beefy and all the other coffin dodgers from the last millenium
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:36PM
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sod off you non-believers.. I will put you out of your misery.. Plum Warner was the first knight and as for the last one, you have your choice.... ARISE SIR BEEFY..
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:37PM
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Right nah to be honest I don't understand them, well I get the ones about SA but they're not funny! Its like Physics jokes, I get them but they're not in the least bit funny!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 09 02:37PM
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by the way.. south africa will win every single match (test, ODI or 20-20) against england - take me up on this cowers.. and you will be stripped bare..
Steyn, Morkel and Ntini are too good for Cook, Vaughan, Bell and KP
and our bowlers would prove poor fodder to McKenzie, Smith, Kallis and co.
it will be so bloody a massacre that the feeble-minded should look away
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:40PM
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Nice article...Here's another cool cricket joke:
Q. What would Glenn McGrath be if he was South African?
A. An all rounder. lol
BTW, to get all the best articles, reviews, news, etc. on cricket, just go to and subscribe to drcricket.blogspot.com
From century.is100 on Wed Jul 09 02:40PM
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the only thing that can save English cricket from SA - ?? our national obsession, the weather.. otherwise we will be slaughtered beyond comprehension... mark these words and let me know in a couple of months time
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:41PM
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bok bok
"slowkop" there's no easy way to do this. so I'm gonna come right out with it. ready? u may wanna sit down..... I'm not really a chicken. i know, I know, the avatar is confusing. but c'mon a typin chicken on the interweb?! wowzers u really are the dimmest. I forgive u, tho. gizzard a hug
From mooochas on Wed Jul 09 02:43PM
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arvie where are you from?
From claire881 on Wed Jul 09 02:45PM
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thanks but no thanks century.is100
here is a one-way ticket with our best compliments ti drcricket.blogspot.com
we sincerely hope that you will stay on there for the rest of your life - R.I.P
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:45PM
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berk bok
Cow Pat Ed, jude is gettin to ya, huh? I thought so. u've shown ur hand. u ain't too smart r ya? I expected more from u, but I forgive u. maybe ur the weak link that writes the Friday ED? I've got half a dozen hugs on full heat for ya. bok!
From mooochas on Wed Jul 09 02:47PM
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hi moochas have you got anything to say about the slander of the Rainbow Smurf in the above drivel ?
frankly CC should consider itself lucky to have ever had the priviledge of his company
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:47PM
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Stop calling me slowkop it's so insulting. If you're not a chicken, then are you a homosexual too "chicken" to come out of the closet?
Come on mooochas you will feel so much better if you just come out and admit you love smeggy bell ends. Go on, what's the worst that can happen?
From the_kop2003 on Wed Jul 09 02:48PM
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here comes another beak with ED written all over it.. have sex and travel moooochas (in your lingo that means F.O)
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:49PM
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begooork bok
EvilMaria (arviemail) is from an institution that wear back-to-front buckle jackets. he's mad as a fish. but in a nice way. he just needs a good bok
From mooochas on Wed Jul 09 02:49PM
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ooohhh... heady combination of whisky, vodka, lime and coke
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:50PM
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Ave maria are you an Irish Coffin dodger or South African coffin dodger ?
There is no hiding from us so you may as well answer
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:52PM
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claire... flattered by the attention... you ARE the cutest..
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:52PM
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once you hav had a pint of gin you might cure your hang ove rAve Maria
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:53PM
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Open blog to the rainbow smurf where are you ? come and colour these dull blogs with that fantastic mullet
We miss you
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:54PM
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moochas darling.. what does a bok mean dearieee (wink, wink)
From arviemail on Wed Jul 09 02:54PM
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Shame Ave maria does not realise you might way 20 stone 288 lbs and have a friend called Gob pronounced Jobe hey Claire
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:55PM
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if you swear blind allegiance to Celtic and Juventus this could be your lucky day Ave MAria
From arttidesco@rocketmail.com on Wed Jul 09 02:56PM
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berk berk bok
not following the connection with homosexuality and chickens, "slowkop". I'm not convinced there's any logic to it. latent Freudian perhaps. hurry up, there's a queue forming for the stock check comp uter. be nice and share. bok!
From mooochas on Wed Jul 09 02:56PM
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