Geoff Ponder
Mon May 12 01:41PM
Now we are not suggesting that Geoff Miller is a procrastinator but we hear he didn't get his birth mark until he was eight.
Once "Sicknote" Flintoff pulled up lame once more the 12 names on the team sheet for Thursday's opening Test wrote themselves.
Incredibly it still took the selectors six hours to pick the squad although technically it was only three hours per Test as they named the same dozen for the back-to-back matches at Lord's and at Old Trafford.
We can only presume Miller would be in Ikea for a month if he had really serious decisions to make what with all those different shelving options and shoe organisers to choose from.
It seems a straight choice between Matthew Hoggard and James Anderson as to who will be carrying the drinks.
The trouble with Hoggard is that there is always a chance of a stray hair in your cordial as his Jeff Daniels mullet slips into the orange.
Anderson is more clean cut but like his bowling there is always a chance he could lose his radar and miss the glass by a good two yards as he pours.
As for the less important decision of who will get the new ball -well Anderson is the man in possession and as possession is nine-tenths of the law, we've been advised that he has a 90% chance of playing.
He took nine wickets for Lancashire against Durham last week and has collected 14 wickets at 25.21 at HQ in Tests.
Yorkshireman Hoggard was the least penetrative of the England Lions seamers against the touring team but has taken 37 wickets in St John's Wood in Test matches.
Perhaps the fair way to decide is by some Wars of the Roses reenactment on the outfield before the game.
- - -
Cowers doesn't care much for the wisdom of Ian Botham whose explanation for 25 overs of filth down the leg-side from Steve Harmison always seems to be "he's trying too hard."
Here's some more reasons to keep the schizo former England all-rounder away from any England selection committee.
Speaking on Friday to Sport magazine: "In a perfect world, you'd have to have Andrew Flintoff in your team. I'd pick him now."
Speaking on Friday to the BBc: "I would just hold Fred back a bit. I'd like him to play a bit more county cricket."
- - -
On day one of Cow Corner we launched our quest to adopt a club side of quite stunning mediocrity and we are pleased to announce that both our sides lost for the second successive weekend on Saturday.
Despite the efforts of Allen Partridge, "Knowing Me, Knowing sweet cover drive", who averages 59 this season with the bat, Birdlip & Brimpsfield 2s lost by 72 runs to Down Hatherley in the big game in the Gloucestershire County League Division 7.
And it gets no better for Cambridgeshire Cricket Association Junior League Division 2C whipping boys Haslingfield CC who went down by 60 runs to Stapleford.
Elsewhere in the wonderful world of league cricket, David Lloyd made 15 on his return for Accrington against Haslingden in the Lancashire League.
Despite the efforts of his son Graham, who made a rapid 78 as he bludgeoned the ball to all parts and scattered watching picnickers, Bumble snr and jnr couldn't help their team to victory.
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QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND: "We murdered 'em," David Lloyd overheard in the bar after Accrington's defeat (Note legal team - this insertion may not be accurate and has only been inserted for comedic reasons).
TALKING POINT: "the likes of saj mahmood and luke wright can crow on about turning down offers from IPL - fact remains that the IPL is too good for any England cricketer with the exceptions of Freddie and KP," arviemail conveniently forgets the presence of overseas "stars" Abdur Razzak, Nuwan Zoysa, Brett Geeves and Tatenda Taibu in the IPL
Today - Hoggard or Anderson for England and should Sir Ian consult a counsellor.
COMING UP: Cambridge UCCE v Warwickshire and Kings XI Punjab v Bangalore Royal Challengers. What a choice! What a strange font!
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IM this storyHey Cowers - I was talking only about English cricketers on IPL - after my last post, just see what Mascarenhas did in the only match he got (which his Hampshire captain Warney gave him out of pity). As for "REAL" overseas stars, the IPL still has a clutchful such as David Hussey, all the South Africans such as Gibbs, Smith, Kallis, Steyn et. al and the West Indians Gayle, Sarwan, Chanderpaul, Bravo etc., Sri Lankans such as Jayawardene, Sangakkara, Jayasuriya, Zoysa, Fernando, Vaas etc. The most successful bowler has been McGrath who still outstrips Hoggard, Anderson, Harmison, Sidebottom and all others put together - Don't forget all stars from India who are No.2 in tests and ODIs and NO.1 in 20-20 - so you know where the priorities are for people who don't fancy warm afternoons and warm beers, sitting alongside 23 men and a dog watching something going in the name of CRICKET
From arviemail on Mon May 12 01:38PMGOD MADE THE WORLD... AND RESTED - GOD MADE MAN AND RESTED.... GOD MADE WOMEN AND SINCE THEN NEITHER GOD NOR MAN HAS RESTED.....
GOD MADE THE ENGLISH... AND RESTED - ENGLISH MADE CRICKET & THE EMPIRE, AND RESTED.... THE EMPIRE MADE CRICKET AND SINCE THEN NEITHER THE ENGLISH NOR THEIR CRICKET HAVE SURVIVED...From arviemail on Mon May 12 01:41PMHEY... C'MON YOU CRICKET BUFFS - WRITE SOMETHING
From arviemail on Mon May 12 01:42PMLONG LIVE IPL - and the innovations ( still no posts... I am feeling lonely ).
From arviemail on Mon May 12 01:44PMR.I.P - COW CORNER.
HEY - CRICKET TEAM AT EUROSPORTS, SEE THE LAST POST AT THE LAST COW CORNER - I AM WAITING FOR YOUR OFFER.From arviemail on Mon May 12 01:45PMSAMUEL BANKS WHERE ART THOU ?
From arviemail on Mon May 12 01:47PMI think you'll find that technically, the English have survived, albeit in enclaves such as Wisbech, Boston, Henley-upon-Thames etc.
And due to the anti-English tirade there (was it really necessary to shout in capital letters?), I pity you for not understanding that Cricket is precisely about reading the broadsheets, enjoying the company of 23 like-minded fellows (I can only assume the dog belongs to a blind man) and partaking in a nice room temperature pint of Speckled Hen (unless you are from Somerset or Gloucestershire, when cold cider is acceptable). It is what retirement is there for and I must say, it's a shame that I'll have to work a good few years before I can enjoy it.
Twenty20 is the equivalent of a knockabout. The IPL is an interesting diversion until the tests start, but will never overtake the 5( or 4)-day game.
From g_hine on Mon May 12 01:59PMTwenty20 is to test match cricket what panto is to Shakespeare. A bit of fun, but not anything you'd take seriously or get hot under the collar about. As to it being too good for the English players, that sounds a little one-eyed to me; of "the West Indians Gayle, Sarwan, Chanderpaul, Bravo etc.", only Chanderpaul would have a prayer of playing for the England test team.
If Twenty20 ever starts to replace real cricket (you never know, with all that Indian betting money floating about), then you won't find many youngsters queueing up to learn the art of bowling...it's not a lot of fun bowling when getting hit for 6 runs an over is considered a success.
From squirrels_on_nicotine on Mon May 12 02:09PMAnd while I'm here, Hoggard over Anderson.
Hoggy is looking fit and in form, and a fit and in form Hoggy is a lot more useful than a fit and in form Anderson.
From squirrels_on_nicotine on Mon May 12 02:12PMNot to mention his worth (?) as the night-watchman. Hoggard should play, but they'll go for the safe yet dull option of Anderson.
From g_hine on Mon May 12 02:16PMYes g_hine...Panesar and Anderson in the same team does mean that you aren't going to get a lot of runs from the tail. Hoggy may not be up to much as an attacking batsman, but he can hold an end up for a while.
From squirrels_on_nicotine on Mon May 12 02:25PMAnd MY quote of the week came from The Los Angeles Times (I found it on cricinfo):
"Violence between players? Scantily clad cheerleaders? Toss in a rant by Charles Barkley and three minutes of commercials for every 45 seconds of actual game time and cricket may finally be ready for a mainstream American audience."
That says all you will ever need to know about Twenty20...
From squirrels_on_nicotine on Mon May 12 02:29PMWho said the Americans lacked a sense of humour (well I suppose I have, numerous times) but that is quite a good quote. I'm surprised that it came from a Californian periodical as opposed to one from the Eastern Seaboard, but credit to them. That said, even Twenty20 would have to sink to new depths to beat Gridiron to all the goldfish-like-attention-span spectators.
From g_hine on Mon May 12 02:43PMg_hine, I wasn't "shouting" in capital letters - it was just my exasperation that not many people were writing in.. I am one of those die-hards who want to see cow-corner beat early doors in terms of number of responses...
as for cricket and it's many forms - I simply love test cricket - nothing to beat the wiles of the batsman pitted against that of the bowlers and vice versa...
but for our beloved game to survive, we need money from the morons and lager louts - so dumb the game down to their level with coloured clothing, hit outs etc. pick their pockets and further our cause..
I love cricket more than anything else in my life - and if the survival of my love means dumbing it down to some level, then so be it...
WE WILL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH...From arviemail on Mon May 12 02:50PMah, but as stated before, quantity does not equal quality, as superbly demonstrated by Early Doors on Friday/weekend.
From g_hine on Mon May 12 03:12PMIPL? Who cares? Has there ever been such a huge fuss over so little? I suppose it's better than no cricket at all for those unintelligent enough to enjoy the real thing. There's excitement a-plenty, but non of the beauty of any aspect of the 5-day game.
From nickbroberts on Mon May 12 03:24PMHmm Jeff Daniels???
If Anderson had a basin haircut, would the two vying for the 12th man spot, bear more than a passing resemblance to the lead characters in Dumb and Dumber?
Some coincidence surely?From g_hine on Mon May 12 03:28PMMy word - the pigheadedness of you cricket fans is appalling. "Test and county cricket is where it is at old chap, this 20/20 stuff is for playground wallahs."
The fact is test and county match cricket's popularity has been on the wane for years - just look at the declining attendance records at test matches overseas and the continuing terrible audience figures for county matches.
Compare this with the live and TV audiences for 20/20 games, the revenue it is attracting and 20/20 is the future.
You 25 people who enjoy watching Sussex ratchet up 500 on a flat track against Surrey - who then respond with 600 declared for a draw in the "no-one is watching league" - enjoy it while you can, its days are numbered. The sheer boredom of watching some second rate bowler trundling into try and bore a batsmen out on a chilly afternoon in Chelmsford may mean something to you "purists" but little to the rest of us.From lilfriend1999 on Mon May 12 03:38PMBREAKING NEWS: Sreesanth has bowled the opening two balls of his spell in today's IPL match without being slapped. Good news for the lad.
From cow.corner on Mon May 12 03:45PMOooooo what a tetchy bunch we have today. Calm down chaps and whilst enjoying the weather sip on a pimms to ease your obvious strained selves.
From craig.washington on Mon May 12 04:18PMSo what happens when 20/20 is no longer exciting enough? 10/10? 5/5? 1ball/1ball? Yes, 20/20 is exciting, but then people once thought the 60 over game was exciting - and the 50 over game - and the 40 over game...
History tells us that it's the shorter versions of the game that are destined to have a shorter life - 20/20 isn't the future, it's the present - the future will surely be something else, possibly some bastard amalgamation with baseball to get a TRULT global TV audience. Personally, I would rather watch football or rugby than 20/20.From nickbroberts on Mon May 12 04:23PMprecisely nickroberts - it is because of guys like you that we watch cricket - really, PERSONALLY, go and watch football or rugby or some game where some 20-odd guys pathetically chase one ball, round or oblong, who cares.... HAPPY CHASING
From arviemail on Mon May 12 04:29PMand nickroberts - the guys chasing the ball seem to forget that they have two small ones of their own, tucked away somewhere in their shorts... he he he he he he he he he he he
From arviemail on Mon May 12 04:31PMand nickroberts - the guys chasing the ball seem to forget that they have two small ones of their own, tucked away somewhere in their shorts... he he he he he he he he he he he
From arviemail on Mon May 12 04:32PMi didn't post this twice - honestly
From arviemail on Mon May 12 04:33PMCan anybody give me a brief insight into what the IPL is all about please? I gather money is a motivating factor, as is reducing the game to a form which alarms purists?
From garethcoletranslations on Mon May 12 05:29PMpeople what are you all going on about?are you all wearing ballet skirts or what come back the football season,ps bring back beefy
From nicebum1 on Mon May 12 05:51PM20-20 Cricket & Leagues
I used to play cricket, I dream of playing cricket, but three kids (all girls) and a marriage have put an end to that. If though there was a saturday afternoon 20 over league; I would be their, and so would a lot of other boys.
The purists are correct that 20-20 destroys tech@#$%; but with a famly; work and the rest of life being so hectic, 20 over leagues instead of 40/50 over games would work. Wickets pitched at 2.30 and you would be finished for 5.30. Instead of cricket dieing people playing rugby and football would give it a go.
Help family life please, save cricket, 40/50 overs are killing it.
CJH
From stanshayes on Mon May 12 07:02PMHi kids
Samuelbanks has an apology to make-a genuine one
I had no right slagging off cricket-it was pathetic and juvenile.I will be completely honest with you.Im not a fan of cricket and i don't know much about it.I just wasn't brought up on it.Although i used to play it all the time-just never took to it.I do watch the Ashes when its on and was really gripped during the 2005 series.So lads-don't be too hard on me-i didn't mean to insult anyone in particular. I apologise-i wouldn't like it if someone started slagging off football on Early Doors. But guys i don't think i will be posting a great deal on cows. I have nothing of great substance to contribute.(You're not wrong says someone)
From samuelbanks on Mon May 12 08:30PMnicebum1
That username is priceless.Umm what shall i be known as? let me see-ahh nice bum1.Great sence of humour.By the way cows-im not actually intolerable-im supposed to be quite a nice bloke.But i was being pathetic the other day-so you had every reason to think i was a first class tosser.From samuelbanks on Mon May 12 08:34PM
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