Cow Corner Blog

Geoff Ponder

Mon May 12 01:41PM

Now we are not suggesting that Geoff Miller is a procrastinator but we hear he didn't get his birth mark until he was eight.

Once "Sicknote" Flintoff pulled up lame once more the 12 names on the team sheet for Thursday's opening Test wrote themselves.

Incredibly it still took the selectors six hours to pick the squad although technically it was only three hours per Test as they named the same dozen for the back-to-back matches at Lord's and at Old Trafford.

We can only presume Miller would be in Ikea for a month if he had really serious decisions to make what with all those different shelving options and shoe organisers to choose from.

It seems a straight choice between Matthew Hoggard and James Anderson as to who will be carrying the drinks.

The trouble with Hoggard is that there is always a chance of a stray hair in your cordial as his Jeff Daniels mullet slips into the orange.

Anderson is more clean cut but like his bowling there is always a chance he could lose his radar and miss the glass by a good two yards as he pours.

As for the less important decision of who will get the new ball -well Anderson is the man in possession and as possession is nine-tenths of the law, we've been advised that he has a 90% chance of playing.

He took nine wickets for Lancashire against Durham last week and has collected 14 wickets at 25.21 at HQ in Tests.

Yorkshireman Hoggard was the least penetrative of the England Lions seamers against the touring team but has taken 37 wickets in St John's Wood in Test matches.

Perhaps the fair way to decide is by some Wars of the Roses reenactment on the outfield before the game.

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Cowers doesn't care much for the wisdom of Ian Botham whose explanation for 25 overs of filth down the leg-side from Steve Harmison always seems to be "he's trying too hard."

Here's some more reasons to keep the schizo former England all-rounder away from any England selection committee.

Speaking on Friday to Sport magazine: "In a perfect world, you'd have to have Andrew Flintoff in your team. I'd pick him now."

Speaking on Friday to the BBc: "I would just hold Fred back a bit. I'd like him to play a bit more county cricket."

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On day one of Cow Corner we launched our quest to adopt a club side of quite stunning mediocrity and we are pleased to announce that both our sides lost for the second successive weekend on Saturday.

Despite the efforts of Allen Partridge, "Knowing Me, Knowing sweet cover drive", who averages 59 this season with the bat, Birdlip & Brimpsfield 2s lost by 72 runs to Down Hatherley in the big game in the Gloucestershire County League Division 7.

And it gets no better for Cambridgeshire Cricket Association Junior League Division 2C whipping boys Haslingfield CC who went down by 60 runs to Stapleford.

Elsewhere in the wonderful world of league cricket, David Lloyd made 15 on his return for Accrington against Haslingden in the Lancashire League.

Despite the efforts of his son Graham, who made a rapid 78 as he bludgeoned the ball to all parts and scattered watching picnickers, Bumble snr and jnr couldn't help their team to victory. 

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QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND: "We murdered 'em," David Lloyd overheard in the bar after Accrington's defeat (Note legal team - this insertion may not be accurate and has only been inserted for comedic reasons).

TALKING POINT: "the likes of saj mahmood and luke wright can crow on about turning down offers from IPL - fact remains that the IPL is too good for any England cricketer with the exceptions of Freddie and KP," arviemail conveniently forgets the presence of overseas "stars" Abdur Razzak, Nuwan Zoysa, Brett Geeves and Tatenda Taibu in the IPL

Today - Hoggard or Anderson for England and should Sir Ian consult a counsellor.

COMING UP: Cambridge UCCE v Warwickshire and Kings XI Punjab v Bangalore Royal Challengers. What a choice! What a strange font!

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