Cow Corner Blog

Three for Jimmy; Plenty for McCullum

Wed May 14 04:02PM

6pm - That is all for today folks. We'll back at 10am tomorrow morning for more of the same with a quick paper round-up before the action gets underway. There will be another competition so get here early, the deadline will be Noon and we have a treat of a prize. Cowers is off to see if Bob Willis wants to listen to his new Brazilian drum n'bass album. Bon Soir!

DAY ONE SCORECARD + DAY ONE GALLERY 

5.43pm - NZ 208-6 (52.1 overs) - WICKET!! Beautiful flight from Panesar and the ball clips McCullum's front pad and knocks over off-stump. It takes him an age to leave the crease, we're sure he knows the way but the urban term is he's "gutted" after also getting out in the nineties on his last trip to Lord's. He departs for an entertaining 97 and 12 balls later, the players go off for bad light.

Bad news for Dizzy Lizzie in Amsterdam - no Mick Jagger autographs yet but if we see any models walking around, we're sure the big lipped one will not be too far behind.

5.30pm - NZ 203-5 (50 overs) - Shot of the day from McCullum who crashes Broad over extra cover for six. His strike rate in the evening session is 157 - which we think is slightly better than Chris Tavare's although we need to clarify that in the record books. He is closing in on a run-a-ball century.

Official statement in reponse to andrewbeaton2003. If you go back to comment #24, you will see your entry was posted at 12.19pm - some 19 minutes after the toss deadline. Our entry from 12.10pm clearly reads: All "overs in the day" predictions after Noon are null and also void.

5.15pm - NZ 182-5 (47 overs) - McCullum is batting like Don Bradman, lofting Broad over mid-off for three then driving the first ball of Panesar's second spell straight past him for his 13^th boundary and lofting the left-armer into the stands for the first six of the series. Oram meanwhile is batting like Don Cheadle, fencing a Broad delivery into the vacant third slip region and edging just short of Strauss at first slip.

Sharkbiteshaun has won the fleece - send your address to cow.corner@yahoo.co.uk please.

5pm - NZ 162-5 (44 overs) - The 50 partnership is up in just 69 balls. Three more drives on the up by McCullum off Sidebottom clatter into the boundary boards and he also dispatches Broad. Ambrose lets four byes squirm under his body - he seems to have caught English wicket-keeper's disease when you can only keep wicket and bat successfully for the first three matches of your career and then you revert from Alan Knott to SlipKnot.

4.45pm - NZ 141-5 (40 overs) - McCullum justifies his promotion to five in the batting order by bringing up his ninth Test fifty. It has come up from 65 balls which is fairly slow for him but pretty rapid by most people's standards. The last of his eight pulls was a lavish pull off a Broad half-tracker.

Of course the slowest duck in Test history - 77 balls and 101 minutes - is held by a New Zealander Geoff Allott who matched his nought against South Africa in Auckland in 1999. Cowers once scored two in an hour in a school match - anyone beat that?

4.30pm - NZ 131-5 (37 overs) - Cowers is regretting that swift pint of pernod at tea time - we think we're seeing double. Four boundaries in the first two overs of the final session and Mick Jagger has just walked past. A thick outside edge by Jacom Oram off Sidebottom and then a cut from McCullum off Anderson followed by a clip off his pads by Oram and four byes that go under Ambrose's diving body.

Sharkbiteshaun is looking odds-on for some fleece action, his guess of 47.2 overs is the highest.

4pm - NZ 109-5 (34 overs) - WICKET!! Anderson strays down the leg-side but the ball wedges under Flynn's thigh pad and ricochets into leg-stump. Slightly unlucky for the debutant and the Kiwis in real trouble. A big round of applause, no it's not a beer wench taking a tumble but Monty Panesar on for a bowl and he has a couple of decent lbw shouts against McCullum in his opening over. Umpire Bucknor is as unmoved as a guy at a Leonard Cohen gig. Time for TEA!!

3.45pm - NZ 104-4 (31 overs) - Flynn avoids the dreaded debut duck with a couple of pick-up shots off his pads to the boundary. Mind you, Graham Gooch got a pair on his bow and then famously scored 300+ on this ground.

Cowers has just lifted his laptop to all four corners of the ground after reaching his maiden Test half-century...well feedback anyway. Well done to all, now tell your mates.

3.30pm - NZ 83-4 (27 overs) - A fourth boundary for McCullum - again through the air in the cover region but it is safe. Garry Park is on the pitch, he's the sub for England, and NZ debutant Daniel Flynn is looking decidedly nervous. The left-hander has faced 15 balls and is yet to get off the mark.

England are sporting a new kit which you can see HERE - it really is that white. They look like a team of decorators albeit with less bum cleavage on parade. It is quite figure hugging as well, another reason to spare Rob Key a recall.

3.15pm - NZ 76-4 (24 overs) - An uppish drive from McCullum just eludes a Didier Drogba style dive by Ian Bell at cover point. But then a cafeteria ball from Broad and it gets what it deserves as Marshall clips for four past square leg. Sidebottom looks about as happy as a man who has just won tickets for the Sex In The City premiere as McCullum manages to squirt a boundary over the top over cover with one hand off the bat. WICKET!! But the Kiwis couldn't keep on batting like that and Marshall lunges forward to Broad and a touch of movement is enough to extract the outside edge and Andrew Strauss takes a simple catch at first slip.

Also in the crowd is former All Black Justin Marshall with a lady you'd be quite happy to take home to show your mates. He is probably enjoying the weather, if it gets to 15 degrees in Dunedin they declare a public holiday.

3pm - NZ 63-3 (21 overs) - Big shout by Arnie's boy but Sidebottom is denied the lbw by umpire Bucknor. It pitched in line but is possibly just missing Marshall's leg stump. He is also slightly fortunate when an outside edge falls just short of Pietersen in the gully. McCullum is the best pub player in the world and he swings the left-armer away through mid-wicket for an emphatic boundary.

Lots of faces in the crowd including Chris Broad. Cowers is a big fan of Broad snr after he smashed his bat into stumps in a fit of rage at the Sydney Cricket Ground after being bowled by Steve Waugh in 1988. We've been there, brother! Actually Waugh is also at the ground - no need for an Ice bath tonight. Also Mike Brearley without his Village People helmet.   

2.45pm - NZ 57-3 (17 overs) - Sidebottom has changed ends and is bowling from the Nursery End whilst Broad is driven down the ground by Marshall for his third boundary. Three wickets and a run rate in excess of three per over - the members only usually get this excited when Saga announce a 40% cut in the price of cruises.

the_kop200: "I know I risk a big heave ho in the udder's here... but any chance of updates every 10 minutes or less? Moo?" Sadly Mr Kop, Cowers doesn't have the work ethic of your average Polish builder and is sticking to 15 minutes for the time being. Any team news for this weekend as you aim for a third consecutive defeat?

2.30pm - NZ 45-3 (15 overs) - WICKET!! Taylor needs a rocket up his backside, he's played it like a Twenty20 innings and gone in eccentric fashion. After making 19 in as many balls, he's attempted to pull Broad through mid-wicket but got a leading edge which has gone miles up in the air and Paul Collingwood has taken the steepler at slip. Geoff Boycott is behind me and just pulling out the last of the hair he had stitched back in.

Falveyphk confirms that we are at the wrong venue re: wenches: "The Hong Kong 7s used to be great. Carling and Fosters used to have their beer girls (in skimpy but decorous outfits) circulating with canisters of beer on their back and pressure hoses to decant the beer into 3 litre plastic jugs. Of course, being hard-working Hong Kong Chinese they were extremely fast and incredibly efficient with the beer dispensing and the change giving."

2.15pm - NZ 40-2 (11 overs) - Some beer match batting from Taylor who throws the kitchen sink, the dishwasher and whatever else he can find at a Sidebottom delivery outside off-stump and he sees it fly over the slip cordon and to the boundary. As much flashing on show as you'll find at an exhibition of the work of Erika Rowe as Marshall slashes Anderson just above Kevin Pietersen's head in the gully and then Taylor cuts Stuart Broad's third delivery in the same region via the aerial route.

c_e_davison: "Australian cricket authorities a few years ago banned the use of "beer wenches?" As I heard it, it was a practice employed by groups of men attending Test matches but not wanting to miss any of the action. They employ an escort/streetwalker (depending on their budget) to parade around in a bikini all day and make trips to the bar. Have any viewers employed such a wench and what is the going rate?

2pm - NZ 22-2 (8 overs) - Another lifting delivery from Anderson which Marshall nicks behind to Tim Ambrose......but it's a no-ball!! The Burnley Bronco has just marginally stepped over the front line and Taufel is eagle eyed. His misery is compounded as Monty Panesar, at mid-off, dives over the ball like Peter Shilton in a World Cup penalty shoot-out and concedes a single. WICKET!!  But Anderson hits back in his next over with an almost identical delivery to How which takes the outside edge. Ross Taylor off the mark first ball with a four through the leg-side and then some yes, no, sorry calling which leaves both batsmen at the same end. The bowler takes a shy at the stumps and misses when he could have walked up to the bails and took them off. What a let-off.

An alternative definition of uppish from terrysmith2104 - "I tend to use the word "Uppish" when describing ladies chest qualities."

1.45pm - NZ 13-1 (5 overs) - James Marshall now at the wicket, playing his first Test in almost three years, and he's off the mark with an uppish clip through mid-wicket before collecting another brace down to third man off Anderson. He hits the first boundary of the day with a crisp drive through the covers off Sidebottom. Is there any other walk of life where you would you use the word - uppish? I suppose if you were hovering just above your bed in some sort of transcendental meditation that would be uppish.

Rubenheimer: "I'd like to see more beer snakes this year. It was about the only thing keeping me entertained during some of the abysmal cricket against India last year."  We will keep you posted throughout the day on the snakes but this is Lord's remember. Meanwhile, Daniel Vettori spent the rain break as a scarecrow - CLICK HERE

1.30pm - NZ 2-1 (2 overs) - Three slips and a gully for Roger Daltrey, sorry Ryan Sidebottom. A touch of swing into How who gets off the mark with a nudge down to fine leg. WICKET!! Jimmy Anderson gets one in exactly the right zone, it hits the seam and the debutant Redmond fences the ball to Alastair Cook who takes the catch at third slip. Aaron is the son of Rodney Redmond who cracked 107 and 56 in his only Test match and then never played another match after totally losing his form due to new contact lenses! He should have gone to Specsavers.

andynpeters seemingly not a fan of the new-style live. The feeling is mutual - we don't like any of your camp light-entertainment programmes. terrysmith2104 has claimed seven Sidebottom wickets in the series.

1.15pm - New Zealand's openers are coming out - Jamie How and the debutant Aaron Redmond who is probably bricking it. With Stephen Fleming having followed Nathan Astle into retirement, Scott Styris drowning in a bath full of IPL rupees, Hamish Marshall claiming the Kolpak pound and Matthew Sinclair and Matthew Bell dropped after stinking the joint out on the winter tour, it's an inexperienced top order.

1.05pm - Play will now start at 1.20pm - we've been watching highlights of the Wellington Test in the extended lunch and the superb tumble by the Beige Brigade fan after a few too many pints of Monteith's. Maybe he was at the same wedding as arviemail where they were serving pints of Bacardi. andrewbeaton2003, you sir are worse than Hitler - your cheeky 49 over prediction was after the bell but you can have 16 wickets for Siders.

12.45pm - We've had our family size bag of Twiglets for lunch washed down by a pint of pernod. CMJ is in the press box, just tucking into a curry flavour Pot Noodle. There has been nowt here but on the county scene, little Jimmy Ormond has taken a couple of wickets for Surrey and Michael di Venuto has missed out on his double century for Durham. They have gone a whole morning without a wicket at Trent Bridge and the Transvaal Tigers and Griqualand West have dodged the rain at Grace Road - all your county scorecards, HERE!!.

12.20pm - Guess what - it's started raining again!  An early lunch will be taken at 12.30pm and hopefully play will start at 1pm. If Rob Key was playing then at least one person in the ground would be happy with the premature feed.  So get yourself a drink and a bag of Twiglets. Here's what some of our readers nominated yesterday as their favourite cricket tipple - cider - samuelbanks; snakebite - the students daveharris63 & rubenheime; vodka martini with lime and loads of ice - the metrosexual garethcoletranslations; pimms with plenty of lemonade and cucumber - the even more metrosexual james_ssmith; tea - the sober gilesmthomas.

12.10pm - We've been out to the middle with our car keys and before Mike Hunt chased us away with a pitch fork, we found out the pitch is pretty hard but greenish (that could have been mike_deacon2003 spilling his absinthe).

We offered a Yahoo! pen on Tuesday to the person who predicted how many wickets Ryan Sidebottom would take in the series. Here are the nominations so far:

5 - mike_deacon2003 6 - rubenheime 9 - umar2050  11 - gremlin_the_cat 12 - rubenheimer 13 - samuelbanks 14 - the_kop2003 15 - button_hitter 17 - lewishoward_candj 18 - nickbroberts 19 - cafeclemence

Still a few gaps for Ryan pessimists and Sidebottom delusionists. All "overs in the day" predictions after Noon are null and also void. The fleece has now been locked behind a glass cabinet in the press box.

Noon - Michael Vaughan and Daniel Vettori come out to the middle. Vettori rolls a five and a four and then Vaughan produces a dice throw of mesmeric proportions - two sixes.  But match referee Ranjan Madugalle demands a more traditional coin toss - the NZ skipper calls heads and it comes down tails. England have no hesitation in opting to bowl on an overcast day.

11.45am - Lord's is like a Jefferson Airplane fan - very impressive drains. Play will start at 12.20pm and groundsman Mike Hunt (that is not a joke btw) is now mowing the pitch and the toss is imminent. The once immovable feast that is lunch will now take place at 1.30pm with play going on until 7pm if the light holds.

11.30am - Cowers has just donned a Michael Flatley wig, gone on the outfield and jigged around. It's worked! The rain the stopped, the players are warming up and there will be an inspection at 11.45am. rubenheimer who has predicted three full overs will not be wearing Yahoo! apparel on his next hot date. Get those predictions in quick as soon as we have a start time, the competition will be closed.

11.15am - The broadcaster are filling the time with an interview with Brendon McCullum. Only in New Zealand would a bloke who averages 30 in Test cricket be known as "Superman". He seems to have some interesting tats though. "A cricket ground is probably the only place in the world where you can enjoy a drink without fear of being beaten up or spat at," said Samuelbanks yesterday who obviously has never been to Old Trafford when they are running short of Thwaites.

11am - No action out in the middle although Derek Pringle is riding a unicycle around the press box whilst juggling kiwi fruit. Cowers fears for mike_deacon2003 who in yesterday's "what to drink at the cricket" debate mentioned that he is on the absinthe if it's raining. Stay off the meth Sir, you'll never make it to lunch.

10.45am - We should be having a toss right now - but it's too wet for any of that business so it's competition time. We have a Yahoo! Fleece on offer in any size you want as long as it's large. Simply put your prediction for how many overs will be bowled today in the feedback box and the closest entrant wins the prize so it might be worth putting 1.4 (not 1.9 that's just not cricket). So you've just got time to add John Kettley as a friend on MyFace or Spacebook, get the latest weather advice and put your guess in before the deadline. One entry only, any multiple entries will be destroyed in an environmentally friendly way.

10.30am - Simon Taufel is out on the ground looking like Gene Kelly sponsored by a energy company. The Australian umpire is somewhere under a massive red and white umbrella but he needs a new choreographic consultant - he's just talking to Steve Bucknor, no pirouettes or twirls yet. No chance of a prompt start so we're thinking of a pertinent competition question which will be with you very soon - we have a Yahoo! Fleece to give away, ideal for a wet morning in Cleethorpes.

10.15am - Cowers woke this morning and after shrugging off the disappointment of finding out that the good looking weather girl on GMTV was off, we pinned our ears back and the Scottish one told us there was "weather around". Well we knew that anyway but apparently the weather was wet weather. Persistent drizzle in St John's Wood at the moment and barely anyone in the ground - it's like a Middlesex match. Stay tuned, the chat will continue, we will give you updates on the rain and addressing yesterday's big talking point - beer wenches.

10am - Morning Everybody! Here we go for the inaugural live cricket commentary in a blog form - it's TEST MATCH BLIVE. Click on the links above for the live ball-by-ball scorecard and all the latest pictures from Lord's. And we will be updating this blog every 15 minutes with updates from the ground and responding to the best of the feedback left below. Plus there is a competition every day during the international summer. We are the total one-stop shop - the Primark of international cricket.

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