Cow Corner Blog

Cow Corner's day off

Wed May 21 01:27PM

Well, when Cow Corner says 'day off', it doesn't mean it has bunked off work to indulge in some wacky Ferris Bueller-style antics.

No. Just that it is taking a day off saying anything amusing or perceptive. For it is slim pickings on the news front, what with the mini fallow period between Tests and the number of cricket column inches severely curtailed by 32-page Champions League supplements.

Which is Cow Corner's way of saying that today's edition is shorter than a Tim Ambrose visit to the crease and about as funny as Monty Panesar doing a set at Jongleurs.

It is the equivalent of a Division Two dead rubber between Glamorgan and Derbyshire at a squally Colwyn Bay - unedifying and unpopular yet somehow necessary.

The broadsheets do their best to stir some debate, but not even Duncan Fletcher backing Michael Vaughan to stay in the England team (well, duh! He's just scored a ton) and Geoffrey Boycott saying we aren't as good as the Aussies (well, duh etc.) can lift Cow Corner from its malaise.

- - -

So, in the absence of anything more substantial, here's Darrell Hair ahead of his return to Test cricket at Old Trafford on Friday.

"I've been involved in an umpire mentoring scheme with the International Cricket Council, which has been very satisfying," said Hair.

What? Mentoring young men in white coats to antagonize Pakistan, cause the abandonment of a Test match, offer to quit in return for half a million in used tenners and then take the ICC to court for racial discrimination?

Hair appears to have trodden something of a road to Damascus, and claims his stony, explain-nothing persona has been replaced by a new, gregarious, cuddly character.

"Being a mentor means you learn a lot yourself. It teaches you how to handle and deal with other people," he simpered while Cow Corner wondered how he was able to get through his first 55 years without learning how to deal with other people.

"There's a lot of things we learned in the past and one of them was never discuss your decisions or anything like that with players, but I think it's important that good umpires do let players know the reasons for a particular decision," he continued.

We will find out on Friday whether Hair still fits the description of a "good umpire".

- - -

You have to give Ravi Bopara credit for his honesty. The Essex youngster has threatened to jump ship to the IPL if he continues to be excluded from the England team.

Why? 1- Money, 2- It's extremely easy to score runs.

Bopara has already hinted he does not fancy rejecting another six-figure sum in order to be overlooked by Peter Moores, and had this to say of the IPL:

"I've seen a few games and it looks fun. The grounds are tiny, people are half-hitting the ball for six."

At the age of 23, Bopara is already an expert at hitting it off the splice, so why shouldn't he be tempted by the lucrative Mickey Mouse craziness in India?

- - -

TALKING POINT: Following up on his mention yesterday, terrysmith2104 notes that it is hardly surprising Tim Ambrose's glovework has deteriorated - after all, he is a Spurs fan and has to watch Paul Robinson every week.

Meanwhile, the_kop2003 chips in with this evidence-free assertion: "I have a sneaky suspicion Alistair Cook supports Newcastle." If you say so, Sir.

Cow Corner wonders whether it is even a problem if England change their wicketkeeper every five Tests.

It has already been established that they only have two or three good games before going off the boil, so if anything we need to swap them more frequently, not less.

Cowers suggests a five-man rotation of Ambrose, Read, Prior, Jones and Foster, swapping after each game like Ray Clemence and Peter Shilton used to.

Today - Your views on Darrell Hair? Should he be standing in the middle at a Test match or consigned to the loony bin?

LIVE TODAY: Mark Ramprakash is having another crack at scoring that elusive 100th hundred and has come to the crease for Surrey against Yorkshire. At the time of writing Ramps has got a start and is 17 not out at lunch.

Or you can follow the rest of the county action right here:

Plus the IPL is live as King's XI Punjab take on Mumbai Indians!

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