Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Dandyish Defoe

Wed Jan 07 08:48AM

Early Doors was rather concerned yesterday when it was revealed that Jermain Defoe would be paraded around White Hart Lane before kick-off in their match against Burnley.

'Parading' sounded weirdly like the kind of thing the Americans might do to a captured terror suspect, but thankfully ED's worst fears were not realised. Merely its second-worst.

Defoe marked his return to London by dressing as a Dickensian cockney street urchin, complete with a flat cap and dandyish scarf issuing forth from the front of his jacket. As looks go, it could best be described as Russell-Brand-meets-chimney-sweep.

The little man put on a brave face despite the biting cold and the fact that he was missing Celebrity Big Brother, a show that provided the world with his current squeeze Chantelle Houghton - somebody who shot to prominence despite nobody ever having heard of her. A bit like Avram Grant, really, except Chantelle won.

Defoe's evening at the Lane was further bad news for Channel 4, who saw around 25 per cent of their audience wiped out as soon as he left the comfort of his sofa.

The euphoria at Defoe's return seemed a bit strange given he was deemed surplus to requirements this time last year. Only Tottenham fans could consider it a massive success to spend £15m on a player they sold 12 months ago for half that amount.

Although, this being a Harry Redknapp signing, there was plenty of wheeler-dealering to reduce Tottenham's outlay.

First of all, Defoe's Portsmouth contract had a sell-on clause ('Arry would have known since he was the bloke who wrote it) - meaning Spurs would receive about 30 per cent of the fee should Pompey sell him.

So effectively Spurs paid a large chunk of the £15m to themselves. Throw in the fact that Pompey still owed them money for him and Defoe really starts to pay for himself. Harry probably cashed in Mrs Redknapp's Nectar points to reduce the outlay further.

Redknapp also went on the defensive over claims that he is plundering his old club, saying: "People say I raided Portsmouth, I didn't. I said I wouldn't try and upset them.

"They wanted to sell, to us or Man City or whoever was going to afford him. It wasn't a case of me going back to Portsmouth to upset Jermain to come here."

Of course not. It was merely a case of making it abundantly clear that Spurs wanted Defoe, to the point where some nitwits made death threats against him and made his future at Fratton Park untenable.

- - -

It can be frustrating for players who find themselves ignored by their manager and unable to force their way into first-team contention.

But Fulham flop Leon Andreasen has taken things a bit too far by making what appears to be a threat of violence against his own team.

"If a bomb was dropped on the dressing room and four players broke their legs, maybe I could look forward to some playing time," he said, rubbing his hands together and cackling with glee.

In these times of heightened security, Andreasen can expect a knock from the Old Bill. If for no other reason than to ask him what kind of bomb would result in four broken legs and no other injuries.

Rumours that Andreasen was spotted in an animated canyon buying TNT from Wile E. Coyote have been proven to be untrue, however.

Fortunately for everyone, Andreasen should secure a move to Hamburg before he has the chance to blow up so much as a balloon.

- - -

On the day when David Beckham made his Milan debut in a friendly, he showed signs of gaining a more important success - social acceptance from Italian football's beautiful people.

'TV presenter' Ilary Blasi and her hubby Francesco Totti have been described as Italy's Posh and Becks - a description that rather undersells the eye-poppingly lovely Blasi.

Totti has laid down the welcome mat for their fellow A-listers, but issued a warning that their arrival may not meet with the approval of some, less attractive, people.

"I am really curious about David's arrival in Italy," Totti said.

"He is an icon. I am delighted he has chosen to play in our league, even if it will be for a short spell.

"Beckham is a lad I like a lot, just as I like his wife. They are two beautiful people to see. Many will envy them."

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nemanja Vidic on communicating with Sir Alex Ferguson - a language barrier even Sergei Bubka would struggle to clear: "I had problems at the beginning to understand him well. He's been here more than 20 years but he has preserved the thick Scottish accent. A lot of players don't catch what he's saying, especially foreign players, but our results confirm he is getting the message across."

FOREIGN VIEW: 'Inter-Cassano: What a temptation' - Early Doors is truly aquiver with excitement at the prospect of Jose Mourinho taking football greatest loon under his wing.

COMING UP: Manchester United take on Derby in the Carling Cup at a freezing Pride Park. Carlos Tevez's punishment for mouthing off at Fergie is that he has to play. That's live from 19:45 UK time.

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