Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Dandyish Defoe

Wed Jan 07 08:48AM

Early Doors was rather concerned yesterday when it was revealed that Jermain Defoe would be paraded around White Hart Lane before kick-off in their match against Burnley.

'Parading' sounded weirdly like the kind of thing the Americans might do to a captured terror suspect, but thankfully ED's worst fears were not realised. Merely its second-worst.

Defoe marked his return to London by dressing as a Dickensian cockney street urchin, complete with a flat cap and dandyish scarf issuing forth from the front of his jacket. As looks go, it could best be described as Russell-Brand-meets-chimney-sweep.

The little man put on a brave face despite the biting cold and the fact that he was missing Celebrity Big Brother, a show that provided the world with his current squeeze Chantelle Houghton - somebody who shot to prominence despite nobody ever having heard of her. A bit like Avram Grant, really, except Chantelle won.

Defoe's evening at the Lane was further bad news for Channel 4, who saw around 25 per cent of their audience wiped out as soon as he left the comfort of his sofa.

The euphoria at Defoe's return seemed a bit strange given he was deemed surplus to requirements this time last year. Only Tottenham fans could consider it a massive success to spend £15m on a player they sold 12 months ago for half that amount.

Although, this being a Harry Redknapp signing, there was plenty of wheeler-dealering to reduce Tottenham's outlay.

First of all, Defoe's Portsmouth contract had a sell-on clause ('Arry would have known since he was the bloke who wrote it) - meaning Spurs would receive about 30 per cent of the fee should Pompey sell him.

So effectively Spurs paid a large chunk of the £15m to themselves. Throw in the fact that Pompey still owed them money for him and Defoe really starts to pay for himself. Harry probably cashed in Mrs Redknapp's Nectar points to reduce the outlay further.

Redknapp also went on the defensive over claims that he is plundering his old club, saying: "People say I raided Portsmouth, I didn't. I said I wouldn't try and upset them.

"They wanted to sell, to us or Man City or whoever was going to afford him. It wasn't a case of me going back to Portsmouth to upset Jermain to come here."

Of course not. It was merely a case of making it abundantly clear that Spurs wanted Defoe, to the point where some nitwits made death threats against him and made his future at Fratton Park untenable.

- - -

It can be frustrating for players who find themselves ignored by their manager and unable to force their way into first-team contention.

But Fulham flop Leon Andreasen has taken things a bit too far by making what appears to be a threat of violence against his own team.

"If a bomb was dropped on the dressing room and four players broke their legs, maybe I could look forward to some playing time," he said, rubbing his hands together and cackling with glee.

In these times of heightened security, Andreasen can expect a knock from the Old Bill. If for no other reason than to ask him what kind of bomb would result in four broken legs and no other injuries.

Rumours that Andreasen was spotted in an animated canyon buying TNT from Wile E. Coyote have been proven to be untrue, however.

Fortunately for everyone, Andreasen should secure a move to Hamburg before he has the chance to blow up so much as a balloon.

- - -

On the day when David Beckham made his Milan debut in a friendly, he showed signs of gaining a more important success - social acceptance from Italian football's beautiful people.

'TV presenter' Ilary Blasi and her hubby Francesco Totti have been described as Italy's Posh and Becks - a description that rather undersells the eye-poppingly lovely Blasi.

Totti has laid down the welcome mat for their fellow A-listers, but issued a warning that their arrival may not meet with the approval of some, less attractive, people.

"I am really curious about David's arrival in Italy," Totti said.

"He is an icon. I am delighted he has chosen to play in our league, even if it will be for a short spell.

"Beckham is a lad I like a lot, just as I like his wife. They are two beautiful people to see. Many will envy them."

- - -


QUOTE OF THE DAY: Nemanja Vidic on communicating with Sir Alex Ferguson - a language barrier even Sergei Bubka would struggle to clear: "I had problems at the beginning to understand him well. He's been here more than 20 years but he has preserved the thick Scottish accent. A lot of players don't catch what he's saying, especially foreign players, but our results confirm he is getting the message across."

FOREIGN VIEW: 'Inter-Cassano: What a temptation' - Early Doors is truly aquiver with excitement at the prospect of Jose Mourinho taking football greatest loon under his wing.

COMING UP: Manchester United take on Derby in the Carling Cup at a freezing Pride Park. Carlos Tevez's punishment for mouthing off at Fergie is that he has to play. That's live from 19:45 UK time.

  1. Arsenal need a new squad @kgh.

    eliototFrom eliotot on Wed Jan 07 09:37AM

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  2. 38 - lol has your plastic surgery melted?

    johnnyevz82From johnnyevz82 on Wed Jan 07 09:39AM

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  3. Totti's wife is hot. makes posh look like a bag of anorexic sticks

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:41AM

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  4. whatever judith, none of these fakes are me.

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:42AM

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  5. Goooood Mooorning everyone!!!! ..Annie!!! Hungover Annnie?!

    jediknight20001From jediknight20001 on Wed Jan 07 09:42AM

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  6. eliotot, they def need some strength in midfield but they're not that badly set. shay given would do well for them too.

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:44AM

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  7. Arsenal surely need a couple of midfielders no?! Back four are ok, Forwards are ok, midfield...BAD

    jediknight20001From jediknight20001 on Wed Jan 07 09:44AM

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  8. WHOOP WHOOP, guess who'se happy
    hiya jude are we having "spam fritters" today?

    roxydgurlFrom roxydgurl on Wed Jan 07 09:45AM

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  9. Kev Kano - How is 25 correct. The guys a gooner but Nasri is not the only midfielder we have. Fabs injured, but Diaby has proved himself, his only problems have been staying fit. Did you see him against Dynamo Kiev earlier this season?? And his goal against Villa?? Denilson may be a couple of years before reaching his full potential but people like deluded liverpool fans forget that Arsenal also have Rosicky and Walcott injured too. Any team in the prem would miss those two. I can see Arshavin being very tempting for Wenger because of the current injury situation but i think hes enquiring about him because of his adaptability. Wenger switches between 442 and 451. Arshavin would still be a key player if those injured players returned.

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Wed Jan 07 09:45AM

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  10. whoops judith, it seems johnny and annie are lovin the fakes. what sickfucks they are not conforming to your superior standards of humour acceptability!

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:46AM

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  11. Sore head Luke I knew I shouldnt have had that last Port and Brandy you got me and Ive lost my voice fancy making me sing Mika it knackered me

    annieh96From annieh96 on Wed Jan 07 09:46AM

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  12. There are people dying but care something something for the living make a better place for you and for me

    annieh96From annieh96 on Wed Jan 07 09:47AM

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  13. Yeah Annie, u were sweating bucklet loads when singing ;), i thought u may pass out. Sorry about using the jedi mind trick on u at the end of the night ;), it was a cheap shot!

    jediknight20001From jediknight20001 on Wed Jan 07 09:48AM

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  14. Even an anorexic stick would make Posh look like an anorexic stick.

    eliototFrom eliotot on Wed Jan 07 09:49AM

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  15. Hey Ben :-)

    annieh96From annieh96 on Wed Jan 07 09:49AM

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  16. Arsenal midfield....RM:Walcott CM:Nasri CM:Fabregas LM:Rosicky. Arsenal's two wingers are important to them. Adebayors supplies have been cut short with Walcott and Rosicky injured and especially after Hleb's departure. Thats why i dont agree with people like Bob when they say Adebayor is inconsistent.

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Wed Jan 07 09:49AM

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  17. 49 - Have you not read the rest of my comment, I have stated that Arsenal have key players injured

    By the way Riera is finding himself, playing very well and scoring goals.
    I'd say Arshavin would be as big a flop as Pav for spurs..You don't need him

    kevin1985kaneFrom kevin1985kane on Wed Jan 07 09:49AM

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  18. Hi Rox. good win last night - i'm sure there was a bollockin at halftime.

    Judith, quick, say hi to Rox!

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:50AM

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  19. That was you was it Luke why oh why kebabs I dont even like them my mouth feels like someone deficated in it whilst I was asleep or was that you as well?

    annieh96From annieh96 on Wed Jan 07 09:50AM

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  20. Hi Roxanne,
    Spurs must be scrapping the bottom of the barrel if Defoe is the answer to their problems. How many goals has he scored this season?
    AA,
    Nice to see that you sound fiting fit and ready to go. Half of ED's comments are only reheated cabbage stories - nothing new!!
    Great to see Julian's on top form today.

    jonathangrosskopfFrom jonathangrosskopf on Wed Jan 07 09:52AM

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  21. :-(

    johnnyevz82From johnnyevz82 on Wed Jan 07 09:53AM

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  22. Jay, Adebayor is kind of consistently inconsistent if you know what i mean. he'll score a hattrick every 3 games instead of 1 goal every game. but i do rate both him and rvp. the midfield you posted still lacks any ballwinners

    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:53AM

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  23. Bloody hell Pieterson has resigned bring back Vaughan!!!!

    annieh96From annieh96 on Wed Jan 07 09:53AM

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  24. 59 - Kev Kano Yeah i did read the bit about key players but did u not read MY bit about when key players come back he will still be played AS HE IS ADAPTABLE!!....some people!!

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Wed Jan 07 09:54AM

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  25. Is it fake Ben or the real deal?

    annieh96From annieh96 on Wed Jan 07 09:55AM

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  26. Annie if Pieterson's gone what's happened to the rest of the cricketing "establishment" - can i shoot them?

    jonathangrosskopfFrom jonathangrosskopf on Wed Jan 07 09:55AM

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  27. Morning Peeps, Morning Birmingham 6, Morning Jackson 5, Morning Guildford 4, French Hens 3.

    andy_lycettFrom andy_lycett on Wed Jan 07 09:55AM

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  28. Are you having a pleasant chat Judith
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    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:55AM

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  29. Are you having a pleasant chat Judith
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    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:55AM

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  30. Are you having a pleasant chat Judith
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    kgh_rFrom kgh_r on Wed Jan 07 09:55AM

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