Ronaldo's tunnel vision
Fri Jan 09 09:06AM
When discussing Cristiano Ronaldo's dubious ability on free-kicks yesterday morning, Early Doors mentioned his uncanny knack of hitting the wall.
Little more than an hour later, he did just that in a two-day-old Ferrari 599 GTB Fiorano that cost him nearly a fortnight's wages.
On his way to training, Ronaldo's car hit a roadside barrier inside a tunnel and bounced off a wall, leaving a smoking pile of precision Italian engineering by the side of the road.
Mike Riley immediately awarded a penalty and sent the wall off, even though replays showed it made no contact with the player.
As soon as pictures emerged of Ronaldo's wrecked Ferrari, people inevitably started to use the 'D' word.
No, not d***head. Diana.
The similarities between the two crashes were eerie. Well, both involved expensive cars and both took place in a tunnel.
However, while Diana was travelling beside the River Seine in Paris, Ronaldo's crash took place in rather less glamorous surroundings as he scooted under the runway at Manchester Airport.
And Edwin van der Sar was travelling behind in a Bentley rather than a Fiat Uno.
Ronaldo may have grinningly left training at the wheel of his back-up motor, a £150,000 Bentley Continental, but it could have ended up much, much worse.
Early Doors was tickled by the solemn tone of the video on this Manchester Evening News article.
It also features a star turn from Ronaldo's busybody next-door neighbour, who claims "he would have written it off on Monday" had she not armed him with advice on how to drive in cold weather - namely: "don't hit the brakes".
ED might be a curmudgeon, but it wishes death on nobody, least of all Ronaldo who is such a rich source of entertainment. But it can't help but wonder what might have happened had he failed to escape unscathed.
It would have been comfortably the biggest news story of ED's lifetime, knocking 9/11 and the fall of the Berlin Wall into seismically important but celebrity-free obscurity.
It would have resulted in a spontaneous outpouring of grief to dwarf even the aftermath of Diana's death, with Manchester United fans, people with Ronaldo in their fantasy team and fake tan salesmen taking to the streets in mourning.
There is also a very real chance that Elton John would have turned up to sing at his funeral, but the Daily Express's decision to relegate Ronaldo's crash to page 25 suggests it may not have dedicated a decade's worth of front pages to the investigation.
- - -
Happily, Ronaldo is OK and he has so much to live for - not least the chance to emulate the former king of pointless trickery, Denilson.
Once the most expensive player in the world, he is now less famous than his sideways-passing namesake who plays for Arsenal.
Denilson moved to Real Betis for a world record fee in 1998. Remarkably, Betis agreed a fee of £18 million with Sao Paulo before deciding to bump it up to £21m in order to set a new record.
The Spanish club adjudged that the positive publicity from their Guinness Book of Records entry would more than cover the extra £3m outlay.
As it turned out, Denilson was tragically, tragically awful. His only trick was to dance around the ball with a flurry of stepovers and tricks, and hope the defender fell over. Occasionally, it worked but most of the time opponents saw through him like Lucy Pinder's negligee.
He is one of those players who looks great in short clips, but with about as much end product as the British motor industry.
Having proved too rubbish even for MLS side FC Dallas (managed by full-time historical footnote Steve Morrow), Denilson has stooped to the depths of going on trial at Bolton just to remind everyone that he still exists.
Normally, modest clubs are so thrilled to have a big name training with them they fail to realise just how cynical the player is being.
But there was no pulling the wool over Gary Megson's eyes yesterday: "Denilson and his people are using it (the trial) as well because it somehow managed to get on Sky television at the exact time he was arriving into the country. But that's not a problem because Denilson is over here to try and get himself a contract at a football club. And at the moment he's at our club."
Early Doors hopes, in the interests of comedy, that he stays there.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: Emmanuel Adebayor finally sticks up for Willy Gallas: "He is our big brother, our rock and his behaviour since the armband was taken away proves that. William's indispensable to our team. Someone had to say these things. If he had said nothing, where would we be today." Probably in the top four.
FOREIGN VIEW: Kevin Kuranyi defends the right of his Schalke team-mate Rafinha to continue his night-owl antics: "There's nothing Rafinha can do if his neighbours have nothing better to do than call the police. There are many players who go to bed at 9pm but do not play as well as Rafinha. Just because a Brazilian is partying, it doesn't automatically mean he's getting drunk. "
COMING UP: Full weekend previews including new match stats from every Premier League game. Plus our usual Fantasy column and all manner of other goodies.
morning ED. why so early? anyone following the gulf cup? some of the performances have been outstanding. expect a handful of players to emerge out of the tournament. one of the 17yr old kids has already earned himself a trial with chelsea. btw, Platini himself was in attendance. checkout this goal. the taker once scored a hat-trick of FK's in the cup final. his team also won 3-0!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFrMzya-i8w
From moody_tariq on Fri Jan 09 09:09AMmorning
From dnldslvstr on Fri Jan 09 09:10AM@#$%.
From bposc2003 on Fri Jan 09 09:10AM1st?
From harsh20483 on Fri Jan 09 09:13AMfirst?
From spknott on Fri Jan 09 09:16AMAl,
Nearly mate!
Ronaldo's gone off the boil since he was proposed for the ballon d'or - golden boot!
Maybe SAF should give him the Roayal Order of the Boot up his backside maybe that will get him concentrating on scoring goals again?
Al,
Are we likely to be relocating again to another blog?
From jonathangrosskopf on Fri Jan 09 09:21AMCome on ED. Glad Will let the cat out of the bag now, before seeing another great seasonal start end in another March tragedy. Anyhow, my money is on Arsenal getting their act together sooner, rather than later.
From eliotot on Fri Jan 09 09:27AMTo my knowledge, that stretch of road under Mcr Airport runway is a 50mph speed limit and judging from the extent of the damage, he was travelling much faster! So I reckon he should be charged with excessive speeding and reckless driving! Sod it! Send him down and let the big hairy arses in Strangeways get to know him much better!!
From spknott on Fri Jan 09 09:27AMAl,
Once had a high speed (circa 70mph) blow out on M1 Junction 4 near Harrow and also hit the barriers - miraculous that nobody else in any of other 3 lanes driving behind me as i shot across to the hard shoulder.
C Ronaldo IS a very lucky person.
Maybe he near death crash might be a good wake up call!?From jonathangrosskopf on Fri Jan 09 09:28AMi actually thinks todays entry is not too xabi (pronounce it the way rafa pronounces it..)
keep it up ED ;)
From moody_tariq on Fri Jan 09 09:32AMIf any player is bigger than the club it would have to be STEVE G...he literally drags our team up the league, lets be honest, if we didnt have him, we wouldnt be anywhere near top.
From jediknight20001 on Fri Jan 09 09:32AMLuke,
Your comment might finish up being a double edged sword if SG is found guilty!From jonathangrosskopf on Fri Jan 09 09:36AMViva Ronaldo - bunch of twats
From ieteuk on Fri Jan 09 09:38AMBob
How comes you're still alive - are you a cat with 9 lives: i think Ronaldo is!!Annie,
Thanks for your kind e mail;
Need a route map round the garbage on this blog and postings. All help much appreciated too.
Before you have a go at CR high speed blow outs are really scary - happened to me very lucky to be alive!From jonathangrosskopf on Fri Jan 09 09:43AMMorning Guys,
Luke - Stevie G doesn't play for Brighton and if he did, im sure you grandpa's goalscoring record would be under serious threat!!
From jay8my on Fri Jan 09 09:45AMJohnathon, it could be....but i think we all know he isnt going to prison. morning Anne. You missed some fun yesterday! dear o dear...i got a new face!!!
From jediknight20001 on Fri Jan 09 09:46AMHow dare you Annie! thats actually a photo of me!
From jediknight20001 on Fri Jan 09 09:47AMI am a sexy tallish girl, I feel lonely. Yesterday I joined a club
--- T a l l h u b C o m ---where I could chat with many handsome guys. Come on, join us, find me here and discuss love with us.From rayalen04 on Fri Jan 09 09:50AMI am a sexy tallish girl, I feel lonely. Yesterday I joined a club
--- T a l l h u b Co m ---where I could chat with many handsome guys. Come on, join us, find me here and discuss love with usFrom rayalen04 on Fri Jan 09 09:51AMu kids harsh and i'm, cant u make any comment about ED's artcile than 'first' 'second, etc??? at least say thank you. Otherwise ED the moment I read the Ronaldo story I know it would be your lead story (do you have one any way??)
From kaggwa2000 on Fri Jan 09 09:51AMMorning people,
Are we gonna be good boys and girls this morning?
From johnnyevz82 on Fri Jan 09 09:51AMCall me suspicious but if Ronaldo is staying at ManUre why is his 2day old car a lefty with foreign plates?
From robbiedavies_07 on Fri Jan 09 09:52AMBob, Put your name down for the Guiness Book of Records for Spamming.
is it Luke or Jamie? What do you want to be called?
Didn't know they allowed you to look like THAT on your passport?? Anyway, you're not allowed to wink!From jonathangrosskopf on Fri Jan 09 09:55AMJohnny - Ive just seen Gallas and Silvestre out injured, hopefully they shud be back and fit to play Wales strongest team swansea, oh hang on, we haven't got Wales strongest team we just have Cardiff
.
Bob - Glad uve not been deleted, although it would have been funny to see ur new name. Were u really going to call urself thePenetrator??From jay8my on Fri Jan 09 09:57AMJohnny Hi!
Is that a Judge's wig i see you wearing?
If so are you what sentences are you reckoning on giving out today?From jonathangrosskopf on Fri Jan 09 09:57AMJay haha! well remembered, but i did also say i support liverpool. But if Stevie was playing for the albion he would have a to get a few more goals to get to my great grandads record! He played for england aswell u know! thats enough about him anyways, ill give u some more info later. ;) Annie...i know...but thanks for reminding me.
From jediknight20001 on Fri Jan 09 09:58AMThis article is a disgrace. How can anybody try and make jokes about what would happen if somebody had died?
Ed you are sick. Call yourself a journalist.
From brianmccotter1984 on Fri Jan 09 09:59AMPeople and fast cars don't go together. At least he was not killed.
From donald_mellor on Fri Jan 09 10:01AMThis ronaldo story is almost the same thing as the Alonso (racing driver stroy the other day when he was involved in a "plane crash" No one died everyone is fine...nae worries. whats the story other than Ronaldo lost £150,000. Which to him is pittence. It would be funny if he wasnt insured though
From tommihew on Fri Jan 09 10:02AMjhjhhhhj
From donald_mellor on Fri Jan 09 10:02AM
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