History repeating
Thu Jul 03 09:02AM
August 2005: Deportivo La Coruna winger Albert Luque signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I'm very happy. I'm excited. It's a great place to play.
"I'm looking forward to playing in front of the Newcastle fans."
July 2008: Real Mallorca winger Jonas Gutierrez signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I cannot tell you how excited I am to be joining Newcastle United.
"The Premier League is a great place to play and I cannot wait to meet my new team-mates and prove myself to the Newcastle United fans."
Sounds uncannily similar, does it not? It's almost as if they were told exactly what to say by the very same over-zealous press officer.
Like Gutierrez, Luque (pictured, in trademark bench-warming pose) arrived with a reputation as a fleet-footed, technically gifted winger, who would inject a flair into the Newcastle side that had been missing since the heady days of David Ginola and Faustino Asprilla.
Sadly for Luque he found the rough and tumble of the English top-flight more problematic than he had expected and, one spectacular career nose-dive later, he's currently plying his trade for Ajax in the European feeder league that is the Dutch Eredivisie.
Of course, Gutierrez needs only to better Luque's record of one goal and about 0.5 decent performances in 25 matches to out-do his less than illustrious predecessor, but the very fact Newcastle have signed him suggests they've learnt little from previously unsuccessful transfer market dalliances with players who made their names in Spain.
This, remember, is the side that prised just 19 league appearances out of up-and-coming centre-half Marcelino Elena after signing him from Real Mallorca for a then sizeable £6 million in 1999.
Mind you, if Newcastle were in the business of learning from past mistakes they probably wouldn't have invited Kevin Keegan back to the club.
- - -
Manchester City have paid £19 million to CSKA Moscow to make Brazilian striker Jo the club's record signing, but ED thought City might have missed a trick.
The first photos that emerged from the player's unveiling were of Jo holding his new City shirt with 'JO 14' on the back, and you can bet that replica shirts bearing his name and number will be flying off the rails at the Manchester City club shop as soon as the croaky-voiced Ricky Hatton-alike teenagers of the city have cut down on the fags long enough to be able to afford them.
Back when ED was a lad you had to pay by the letter and number for shirts to be personalised in such a manner, so ED decided to have a look on the City website to calculate exactly how much money City are losing out on by signing such an abruptly monikered player.
Unfortunately for fans of punchlines that actually work, a 'JO 14' shirt costs exactly the same amount as a 'RICHARDS 2' or even a 'BOJINOV 29', leaving ED's painfully predictable 'they should have signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink' pay-off thoroughly redundant.
- - -
Anthony Le Tallec's move from Liverpool to Le Mans yesterday came as a massive shock to Reds fans - not because they were desperately hoping to hold onto the player, but because the vast majority probably didn't realise he was still at the club.
Le Tallec spent last season on loan at Le Mans, having previously undergone loan spells at Sunderland, Sochaux and Le Havre, and last pulled on a Liverpool shirt in a 3-0 Champions League qualifying victory over Welsh side TNS in July 2005.
In honour of Le Tallec's sleeper role at Anfield over the past three years, Early Doors presents a list of players who you might be surprised to learn are on the books of their respective Premier League clubs:*
Ian Walker, Bolton Wanderers
Andy van der Meyde, Everton
Bernardo Corradi, Manchester City
Paul Dickov, Manchester City
Danny Mills, Manchester City
David May, Manchester United
Shola Ameobi, Newcastle United
Hossam Ghaly, Tottenham Hotspur
Henri Camara, Wigan Athletic
* One of these is a complete fabrication.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I can only say that I will spend the period of my recovery in my house in Sintra, but regarding my future I cannot say anything." Cristiano Ronaldo might have to reconsider his vow of silence when he realises that it's actually in his best interests to keep Manchester United sweet if he wants the club's doctors to fix his knackered ankle.
TALKING POINT: Before descending into a deeply puzzling dialogue about the whys and wherefores of snake-breeding, yesterday's comments board threw up a few interesting takes on the subject of which Premier League player is likely to be the first to be arrested next season.
Recent porridge-eater Joey Barton was an obvious favourite, but henrikedwardlarsson nominated Middlesbrough defender Emanuel Pogatetz, claiming - with chilling seriousness - that "he is going to rip someone's heart out, and he will be jailed for a very long time".
chrisnewman950, meanwhile, predicts that "the entire Stoke squad will be arrested next season for crimes against football".
Today - for no real reason whatsoever, with which Premier League footballer would you most like to go for a pint?
COMING UP: Transfer Talk, Version Premier League and Version Championship, plus all the latest guff and counter-guff in the endlessly thrilling Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Barry and Ronaldinho transfer sagas. And maybe, if you're lucky, a little bit of actual news.
And if foregone conclusions and the fruits of pushy parenting are your bag, why not check out the Williams sisters strolling into the Wimbledon women's singles final from 13:00 BST?
but Harewood looks like the goombas out the super mario film. his bald head also has an inch line somehow.
the boy pepe aint in the Premiership but he is hacket
From sav46e on Thu Jul 03 09:41AMIf some one gave me a 120,000 squid a week to play for NUFC I think I might be able to lie and say its where I always wanted to play and given how effing cold it is up there I might be inclined to play a max of two or three games a season.
Think about Becks he cannot possibly have been serious when he said he always dreamed of playing for Real Madrid, I am sure what he meant was Victoria had always dreamt of spending € 500,000 a week in Europe
Spanish players signing for Newcastle probably have no idea that there will be no opportunity to tan between matches on the beach and never did look particularly fetching in black NUFC leggings
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 09:42AMi'd most like to go for a drink with Jimmy Bullard for no other reason than he seems like a thoroughly nice bloke. In a league that (formerly) boasted Joey 'Bad Boy' Barton and Didier 'Poleaxe Me' Drogba, Jimmy is a role model to how footballers should conduct themselves on and off the pitch.
Oh and in a pub, everyone would be looking at his dodgy barnett and not mine.
From screamouk on Thu Jul 03 09:42AMgoing out for a pint with a PL player..... would have to be someone like Ryan Giggs or Michael Owen types... as pretty much any of the other pre-madonna's would end up getting chinned for being so far up their own arses!!!!
From asswhoop12 on Thu Jul 03 09:43AMGot to be a pint with Stelios Giant-Octopus from Bolton! Things would soon get out of hand with all the plate smashing though!!!
From darren_smurphy on Thu Jul 03 09:43AMDon't fancy a pint with that Barton chap, by the end of the night you would be on the floor - and not necessarily due to the drink....
Also a word to the wise, avoid leaving Don Huthcinson to look after your pint, a Liverpool Christmas party incident in the 90's should let you know why.
I'd plump for Mr F.Torres - despite reaching superstar status - he still comes across as a humble, down-to-earth guy. Unlike that sleazy ego maniac Ronaldo.
Cheers Fernando!
From m_kingswell on Thu Jul 03 09:46AMNot a current Premiership player granted, but if you're going to go for a pint or thirty, go with the master. Step forward Paul McGrath. A legend on the pitch and a bigger one in the bar. The story goes that Ron Atkinson, when Villa manager, stopped the team coach off at a paddy drinking pit at 05.30 one Saturday morning to pick McGrath up, to play away at Exeter in the FA cup. Sadly, he didn't play! But the legend was born! Ladies and Gentlemen, please raise your glasses................Mr Paul McGrath!
From mrshardingskid on Thu Jul 03 09:46AMI have a horrible feeling that when Mr Smurf takes orf his Luton Helmet to reveal his rainbow hair he will take top honours for ugliest avatar from Cliff Richard Look Alike Master Bates
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 09:47AMMust be those shades Master Bates no offence
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 09:49AMOh, and sav46e, ugliest player ever has to be David Platt! You couldn't punch clay uglier!
From mrshardingskid on Thu Jul 03 09:50AMNo one said anything about pizza Ian want to change your mind ?
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 09:50AMIf your going for a pint or thirty you better wheel out Gazza and his mate Pork Bellies
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 09:53AMcan't believe the spammers got first post!!!
whats going on with the world
From andyc147 on Thu Jul 03 09:54AMarttidesco, I imagine Ray Parlours misbehaviour in (Hornchurch) Pizza Hut in 1995 was down to him enjoying a few pints previously beforehand...
From ianbec on Thu Jul 03 09:56AMI'd go for a pint with Tony Adams... and drink it right under his nose!
From rick7unit on Thu Jul 03 09:57AMPooh! looks like I have been called out to an adventure in a white van with a women from Croatia have lovely day everybody
Pass on Hugz and
s to the Luton Helmeted Smurf LOLFrom arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 09:57AMHornchurch was in the PL I am confused
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 10:02AMI would love to go on the beer with Joey Barton and Ousmane Dabo.....Now that would be fun!
From kevin1985kane on Thu Jul 03 10:02AMarttidesco@rocketmail.com gazzas m8 gets called ten bellies not pork bellies and best player to have a pint with would have to be nicolaus i am better than zidane anelka ha
From georgemartinesz on Thu Jul 03 10:05AMI'll stick with convincing Ballack to make the career move of a life time to WHUFC over a quiet pils George
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 10:07AMAaron Lennon and Peter Crouch. I would like them to get drunk together. It would be like an old seventies horror film.
From richard.ekman on Thu Jul 03 10:09AMps did you notice Gob pronounced Jobe nearly got a name check Claire ?
Which part of the feeding cycle is he on 'just eaten' or 'defrosting' ?
Must dash I can hear someone impatiently honking their horn waiting for me in the street below
ttfn LOL
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 10:10AMMichael Ballack...he must be in need of hard liquor
From dk3917 on Thu Jul 03 10:17AMDon't u mean schnaps dk ?
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 10:22AMcraig brwster cos he is a legend
From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 10:22AMpint with a current prem player would be jimmy bullard though he might just be a really dull guy. alan shearer woulda been great to go for a pint with too, we couldve talked about @#$% and then we wouldve finished the night with a free mcdonalds, lovely jubbily! but i would like to go for a pint with Andy Gray as long as we talked about nothing except football, if he went off-topic i think id have to bolt - all that unessecary laughing and leg rubbing would freak me out, how does redknapp sit there!
From dustbrother101 on Thu Jul 03 10:22AMsorry, that should be craig brewster!!
From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 10:23AMApoelara_mu, or whatever you crazy Cypriot, get a life. & change from Orange to Blue as u don't have a chance - now, who's off to the Champions league again? Ha ha ha ha!!
Surley there can't be 3 Man City players hiding there? There again, with the Thai in charge, it's very possible!!
From jkr_73 on Thu Jul 03 10:24AMI'd like to go for a drink with Joey Barton. We'll stop over at one of the posh clubs where the Chelsea team hangs out and take out a few of those twats in tag-team style. I can only hope Lampard and Ballack will be there….
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 10:24AMMaybe we'll pop over to hammers country and get Fartti Disco - he'll soon see this is no Luton helmet! I'd stick a few smurf figurines up his ar$e while I'm at it, no wait, Barton might as well do the dirty work.
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 10:25AM
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