History repeating
Thu Jul 03 09:02AM
August 2005: Deportivo La Coruna winger Albert Luque signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I'm very happy. I'm excited. It's a great place to play.
"I'm looking forward to playing in front of the Newcastle fans."
July 2008: Real Mallorca winger Jonas Gutierrez signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I cannot tell you how excited I am to be joining Newcastle United.
"The Premier League is a great place to play and I cannot wait to meet my new team-mates and prove myself to the Newcastle United fans."
Sounds uncannily similar, does it not? It's almost as if they were told exactly what to say by the very same over-zealous press officer.
Like Gutierrez, Luque (pictured, in trademark bench-warming pose) arrived with a reputation as a fleet-footed, technically gifted winger, who would inject a flair into the Newcastle side that had been missing since the heady days of David Ginola and Faustino Asprilla.
Sadly for Luque he found the rough and tumble of the English top-flight more problematic than he had expected and, one spectacular career nose-dive later, he's currently plying his trade for Ajax in the European feeder league that is the Dutch Eredivisie.
Of course, Gutierrez needs only to better Luque's record of one goal and about 0.5 decent performances in 25 matches to out-do his less than illustrious predecessor, but the very fact Newcastle have signed him suggests they've learnt little from previously unsuccessful transfer market dalliances with players who made their names in Spain.
This, remember, is the side that prised just 19 league appearances out of up-and-coming centre-half Marcelino Elena after signing him from Real Mallorca for a then sizeable £6 million in 1999.
Mind you, if Newcastle were in the business of learning from past mistakes they probably wouldn't have invited Kevin Keegan back to the club.
- - -
Manchester City have paid £19 million to CSKA Moscow to make Brazilian striker Jo the club's record signing, but ED thought City might have missed a trick.
The first photos that emerged from the player's unveiling were of Jo holding his new City shirt with 'JO 14' on the back, and you can bet that replica shirts bearing his name and number will be flying off the rails at the Manchester City club shop as soon as the croaky-voiced Ricky Hatton-alike teenagers of the city have cut down on the fags long enough to be able to afford them.
Back when ED was a lad you had to pay by the letter and number for shirts to be personalised in such a manner, so ED decided to have a look on the City website to calculate exactly how much money City are losing out on by signing such an abruptly monikered player.
Unfortunately for fans of punchlines that actually work, a 'JO 14' shirt costs exactly the same amount as a 'RICHARDS 2' or even a 'BOJINOV 29', leaving ED's painfully predictable 'they should have signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink' pay-off thoroughly redundant.
- - -
Anthony Le Tallec's move from Liverpool to Le Mans yesterday came as a massive shock to Reds fans - not because they were desperately hoping to hold onto the player, but because the vast majority probably didn't realise he was still at the club.
Le Tallec spent last season on loan at Le Mans, having previously undergone loan spells at Sunderland, Sochaux and Le Havre, and last pulled on a Liverpool shirt in a 3-0 Champions League qualifying victory over Welsh side TNS in July 2005.
In honour of Le Tallec's sleeper role at Anfield over the past three years, Early Doors presents a list of players who you might be surprised to learn are on the books of their respective Premier League clubs:*
Ian Walker, Bolton Wanderers
Andy van der Meyde, Everton
Bernardo Corradi, Manchester City
Paul Dickov, Manchester City
Danny Mills, Manchester City
David May, Manchester United
Shola Ameobi, Newcastle United
Hossam Ghaly, Tottenham Hotspur
Henri Camara, Wigan Athletic
* One of these is a complete fabrication.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I can only say that I will spend the period of my recovery in my house in Sintra, but regarding my future I cannot say anything." Cristiano Ronaldo might have to reconsider his vow of silence when he realises that it's actually in his best interests to keep Manchester United sweet if he wants the club's doctors to fix his knackered ankle.
TALKING POINT: Before descending into a deeply puzzling dialogue about the whys and wherefores of snake-breeding, yesterday's comments board threw up a few interesting takes on the subject of which Premier League player is likely to be the first to be arrested next season.
Recent porridge-eater Joey Barton was an obvious favourite, but henrikedwardlarsson nominated Middlesbrough defender Emanuel Pogatetz, claiming - with chilling seriousness - that "he is going to rip someone's heart out, and he will be jailed for a very long time".
chrisnewman950, meanwhile, predicts that "the entire Stoke squad will be arrested next season for crimes against football".
Today - for no real reason whatsoever, with which Premier League footballer would you most like to go for a pint?
COMING UP: Transfer Talk, Version Premier League and Version Championship, plus all the latest guff and counter-guff in the endlessly thrilling Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Barry and Ronaldinho transfer sagas. And maybe, if you're lucky, a little bit of actual news.
And if foregone conclusions and the fruits of pushy parenting are your bag, why not check out the Williams sisters strolling into the Wimbledon women's singles final from 13:00 BST?
arttidesco@rocketmail.com why would you make your name your email address - do you want to get blasted with spam perhaps?
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 10:54AMNo smurfs round hear Jude had an enormous plate full of broad beans with my Frankfurters last night, so I live in a gas mask only zone that protects me from Belgian Smurfs with spanners
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 10:54AMGermany sucks!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 10:55AMI would like to take Kaboul for a pint to thank him for signing for Spurs rather than Arsenal. Then I'd like to take Senderos out for 20 pints and send him out on a raft to the middle of the ocean.
From daveloweuk on Thu Jul 03 10:55AMWest Ham sucks!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 10:55AMdrinking pints with roy keane would be good fun, cause he wudnt know when to stop and go too far and that would be great! he'd lash out at everybody, just like that cheers bit in simpsons "ill kill ya, ill kill all of ya"
From dustbrother101 on Thu Jul 03 10:55AMwhat a great day for dundee united, first we get wee willo back, and (no sure is its official yet) but mark kerr is away to the dons. haha take him, never rated him and he cost us the cup along with the cheating ref.
what was with all the spl slagging yesterday? someone made the most stupid comment i have ever seen on here, 'leicester would win the spl'
hahahahahahaha that had me laughing for hours!! no, they would be relegated. some of your premier league sides would struggle badly up here.
time to wake up and start recognising scottish football, maybe then when we pump the english it wont be that much of a shock to u!
From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 10:56AMye that was me that said leicester would win the spl, maybe i should be honest they wouldnt quite do it, but im sure a team of west broms calibre would wip the floor with ya's
From dustbrother101 on Thu Jul 03 10:59AMMarc where do you think teams like Celtic and Rangers would finish in the EPL?
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 11:01AMThe african guys at arsenal always seem to be full of the joys of life, with Eboue leavin his moods mostly for the pitch, I'd love to go for a pint or two with the likes of Adebayor and Toure, cause you know it'll end in a dance off.
From tio.mardy on Thu Jul 03 11:01AMWhy have I read comment on nearly every story talking bout Ballack signing for West Ham?
From sav46e on Thu Jul 03 11:01AMUgliest player has got to be Tevez. He looks like he has been partially eaten.
From chrisnewman950 on Thu Jul 03 11:05AMSurely David MAy is not still going? He was with Man Utd when I still liked them and that was years and years ago! I'd like to go for a pint with Fernando Torres, Christiano Ronaldo and Joey Barton in the hope that the latter will beat the proverbial @#$% out of the other 2 for being arrogant b*stards and I get to watch! Failing that Olaf Mellberg or maybe Freddie Ljunberg because going for a drink with a member of the opposite sex usually means a date and I'd frankly give my right arm to be in that situation with either of them!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 11:05AMI'm a City fan...but i would give up a decent night out on the pop for a quite pint with Malcolm Glazer (I know he isn't a player)...see if i can talk him into plonking CRYnaldo in the stand for 3 years.
From asxtc on Thu Jul 03 11:08AMwest brom are a poor mans hibs
they would have no chance against a hard scottish centre half and mowbray will know that better than anyone.
jude, i reckon they would finish comfortably around mid table in the first season. but with the fan base and money they would recieve, you would have a big 6 instead of a big 4 in a few years. please take them away from us! not so much celtic but please take rangers!!
rangers are scotland shameFrom marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 11:18AMI have a top with Vennegoor of Hesselink on it, I payed by the letter but it was it a sale or I would've got someone else! I remember when I was little I got the purple Man Utd goalie shirt with Schmeichel on it, my mum was gutted it cost a fortune...well to us cos we were poor!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 11:22AMI'd go for a pint with joey Barton
From jadd_01 on Thu Jul 03 11:30AMkevin1985 i share your idea.I will like to have a pint with Joey Barton.He looks to be an interesting character especially as everybody is spiteful of him
From jacknfor on Thu Jul 03 11:33AMFor a pint?I would probably go out with Craig Bellamy, he looks like a fun guy, and maybe he would get in a fight with somebody.
From gusicdenis on Thu Jul 03 11:34AMGUOTE jude_surf How's the projector Dan, did you put it up yet? Are we doing quotes today?
Dude the f###en thing is unbelievably amazing....although now i need to get a projection screen......for the moment ive duct tape a white sheet to the wall
From dannickbates on Thu Jul 03 11:35AMjude_surf ur mum sucks
From georgemartinesz on Thu Jul 03 11:36AMgeorgemartinesz you suck hairy elephant balls
From dannickbates on Thu Jul 03 11:38AMa pint with hidetoshi nakata
From dustbrother101 on Thu Jul 03 11:41AMre post from yesterday claire,
u dont go to the cathouse do u?! everytime i walk by there i get stared at by these gothic looking people!! dont think they like the look of me!
i prefer sub club. always hot girls there and the music is usually brilliant! i mind goin to studio one night and it was a pure ned fest, sure i seen charlie adam wiv his shirt tied round his head waving a few glowsticks!!From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 11:42AMI'd like to go for a pint with Emanuel Pogatetz, following on from henrikedwardlarsson's post yesterday....because after a pint he'll be ready to rip out someone's heart...and I can then sell my story to the red tops for bundles of cash!
From mfsnpcbg on Thu Jul 03 11:44AMI reckon the ugliest player in the EPL is Tevez or Rooney or Kuyt of @#$% I'm spoiled for choice! Tevez' mother tried to kill him at birth he was so ugly (hence scar on neck). Rooney look like one of those stupid things I had when I was a kid that was basically a pair of tights cut up, filled with sawdust and grass seeds and made to look like a face and the grass grew to look like hair! Kuyt is just a fugly b*stard!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 11:45AMMutu...just for a coke mind you!
From asxtc on Thu Jul 03 11:46AMgeorgemartinesz up yours, you suck you @#$%!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 11:47AMGeorge looks like ratboy Kuyt.
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 11:48AMI'd have a pint with the legend that is Titus "dangerous at both ends" Bramble! We could laugh at how he's managed to make a career in "the best league in the world" and be capped by England. I'd probably make him use a beaker with a nozzle though as I expect with his amazing (lack of) co-ordination something unexpected would happen leaving him empty handed and red faced.
From sikka316 on Thu Jul 03 11:49AM
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