History repeating
Thu Jul 03 09:02AM
August 2005: Deportivo La Coruna winger Albert Luque signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I'm very happy. I'm excited. It's a great place to play.
"I'm looking forward to playing in front of the Newcastle fans."
July 2008: Real Mallorca winger Jonas Gutierrez signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I cannot tell you how excited I am to be joining Newcastle United.
"The Premier League is a great place to play and I cannot wait to meet my new team-mates and prove myself to the Newcastle United fans."
Sounds uncannily similar, does it not? It's almost as if they were told exactly what to say by the very same over-zealous press officer.
Like Gutierrez, Luque (pictured, in trademark bench-warming pose) arrived with a reputation as a fleet-footed, technically gifted winger, who would inject a flair into the Newcastle side that had been missing since the heady days of David Ginola and Faustino Asprilla.
Sadly for Luque he found the rough and tumble of the English top-flight more problematic than he had expected and, one spectacular career nose-dive later, he's currently plying his trade for Ajax in the European feeder league that is the Dutch Eredivisie.
Of course, Gutierrez needs only to better Luque's record of one goal and about 0.5 decent performances in 25 matches to out-do his less than illustrious predecessor, but the very fact Newcastle have signed him suggests they've learnt little from previously unsuccessful transfer market dalliances with players who made their names in Spain.
This, remember, is the side that prised just 19 league appearances out of up-and-coming centre-half Marcelino Elena after signing him from Real Mallorca for a then sizeable £6 million in 1999.
Mind you, if Newcastle were in the business of learning from past mistakes they probably wouldn't have invited Kevin Keegan back to the club.
- - -
Manchester City have paid £19 million to CSKA Moscow to make Brazilian striker Jo the club's record signing, but ED thought City might have missed a trick.
The first photos that emerged from the player's unveiling were of Jo holding his new City shirt with 'JO 14' on the back, and you can bet that replica shirts bearing his name and number will be flying off the rails at the Manchester City club shop as soon as the croaky-voiced Ricky Hatton-alike teenagers of the city have cut down on the fags long enough to be able to afford them.
Back when ED was a lad you had to pay by the letter and number for shirts to be personalised in such a manner, so ED decided to have a look on the City website to calculate exactly how much money City are losing out on by signing such an abruptly monikered player.
Unfortunately for fans of punchlines that actually work, a 'JO 14' shirt costs exactly the same amount as a 'RICHARDS 2' or even a 'BOJINOV 29', leaving ED's painfully predictable 'they should have signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink' pay-off thoroughly redundant.
- - -
Anthony Le Tallec's move from Liverpool to Le Mans yesterday came as a massive shock to Reds fans - not because they were desperately hoping to hold onto the player, but because the vast majority probably didn't realise he was still at the club.
Le Tallec spent last season on loan at Le Mans, having previously undergone loan spells at Sunderland, Sochaux and Le Havre, and last pulled on a Liverpool shirt in a 3-0 Champions League qualifying victory over Welsh side TNS in July 2005.
In honour of Le Tallec's sleeper role at Anfield over the past three years, Early Doors presents a list of players who you might be surprised to learn are on the books of their respective Premier League clubs:*
Ian Walker, Bolton Wanderers
Andy van der Meyde, Everton
Bernardo Corradi, Manchester City
Paul Dickov, Manchester City
Danny Mills, Manchester City
David May, Manchester United
Shola Ameobi, Newcastle United
Hossam Ghaly, Tottenham Hotspur
Henri Camara, Wigan Athletic
* One of these is a complete fabrication.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I can only say that I will spend the period of my recovery in my house in Sintra, but regarding my future I cannot say anything." Cristiano Ronaldo might have to reconsider his vow of silence when he realises that it's actually in his best interests to keep Manchester United sweet if he wants the club's doctors to fix his knackered ankle.
TALKING POINT: Before descending into a deeply puzzling dialogue about the whys and wherefores of snake-breeding, yesterday's comments board threw up a few interesting takes on the subject of which Premier League player is likely to be the first to be arrested next season.
Recent porridge-eater Joey Barton was an obvious favourite, but henrikedwardlarsson nominated Middlesbrough defender Emanuel Pogatetz, claiming - with chilling seriousness - that "he is going to rip someone's heart out, and he will be jailed for a very long time".
chrisnewman950, meanwhile, predicts that "the entire Stoke squad will be arrested next season for crimes against football".
Today - for no real reason whatsoever, with which Premier League footballer would you most like to go for a pint?
COMING UP: Transfer Talk, Version Premier League and Version Championship, plus all the latest guff and counter-guff in the endlessly thrilling Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Barry and Ronaldinho transfer sagas. And maybe, if you're lucky, a little bit of actual news.
And if foregone conclusions and the fruits of pushy parenting are your bag, why not check out the Williams sisters strolling into the Wimbledon women's singles final from 13:00 BST?
I don't goto the Cathouse now as I don't live in Glasgow anymore but I used to go twice a week a few years back! It was great the music was always amazing, a bit of everything you know but then it became "scene" to be an emo and I stopped going, the music went to @#$% and it became impossible to tell male from female and I think I had got too old as the 'regulars' started to look at me like I wasn't allowed to be alternative cos I wasn't one of 'them' or their 'cool' friends! Plus I ended up always being over dressed! The Sub Club is great if you like cheap and easy!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 11:58AMTevez has the look and build of an orc out of Lord Of The Rings - he is also a distant cousin of Nadal iI think, who looks like Speedy Gonzalez on steroids.
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 11:59AMPS Albert Luque looks like the Priest out of Holloaks.
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 12:00PMMattheath has gone bonkers!!!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 12:02PMsub club it is then
From sav46e on Thu Jul 03 12:03PMIs that a gladiators helmet Jude? Would you like to taste some roman steel?
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 12:03PMTo be honest, pretty much any club in Glasgow has the 'cheap and easy' element to it... probably part of the charm! Not as bad as clibs down south though, our ladies are a tad more lady like! I've been out in Manchester, Newcastle and Carlisle and honestly the women are total slappers, get their tits out if a guy just asks, don't even say 'only if you buy me a drink'
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:04PMI'd like to take a pint with Paul Robinson, throwing him bags of crisps and peanuts, sliding him beers along the bar etc- to see how many he'd hold...
From whfcuptonpark on Thu Jul 03 12:05PMugliest player in the prermiership is a @#$% up between carlos tevez and phil neville
From davidhills123 on Thu Jul 03 12:06PMOooh I like Roman gentlemen... but not you, you've taken it too far!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:06PMI think he has Jude, I think you broke him! Good afternoon Jude btw!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:07PMive never been, just walked past, but always got funny looks. sub club is good, the girls arent that easy, u have to talk to them first!! try the ice factory in perth, now that is the easiest place to pull in the world. u get the odd belter, but most of the girls there are absolutle gargoyles.
id like to go for a pint with mike mccurry and ask him why he feels the need to cheat.
From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 12:09PMRonaldhinio is the ugliest palyer on earth - Plug out of the Bash Street Kids in a fright wig. He makes Peter Beardsley look like Brad Pitt.
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 12:10PMDown south it is then.
Ive only been out in Blackpool sown south. need to get tot they places but.
I agree with ur abuse of the twats from the cathouse. emo n goths think there better than me when Im at gigs casue Im not as different as them, even tho they are amazingly trendy now somehow.Anyway sorry more on football. Ronaldinho to Chelsea please. he still wouldnt be ugliest in premiership but. its 1 ugly league.
Who's coolest in Premiership?
From sav46e on Thu Jul 03 12:11PMIsn't it obvious why he feels the need to cheat... he's a blue nose and that's usually the only way they win games, certainly was last season! I no longer need to pull anyone so I find clubs where everyone is trying to pull someone a bit tiresome! Hence I only frequent one of the two fabulous clubs in sunny Hawick which would be the one where there's not a couple snogging in every corner by 11.30!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:17PMSchweinsteiger looks like a pig. Tevez, poor fella, is really ugly. Southgate, isn't a real looker but he's a nice guy, and Gamberini (little shrimp) is pretty ugly......
From henrikedwardlarsson on Thu Jul 03 12:22PMI used to kinda be a 'goth' but not really I just wore similar clothes and have much better taste in music! They try so hard to be different that there's a whole load of them that are all the same! Back in my day the Cathouse was for anyone who appreciated good music and liked to go a bit mental on the dancefloor now you have to look right to go!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:22PMWhen the hell are Celtic gonna make some moves and buy someone I'm getting nervous, all this waiting isn't good!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:27PMI also agree with what Marc said about Rangers and Celtic in the BPL. They would make a "big six" after a few seasons. I wouldn't mind seeing Rangers relegated down to League 2 to pit their wits against Shrewsbury and the like! HA!
From henrikedwardlarsson on Thu Jul 03 12:27PMSchweinsteiger is rotten. He looks like his face has been stung by a wasp.Tevez jst has a wee shaving cut on hs neck. What about Ribery? he looks like he has a monocle on.
From sav46e on Thu Jul 03 12:30PMRIBERY! haha, funny you mention him....Bild Magazine did a piece on him in March of 2008 where he was on the cover dressed as Napoleon! It was absurd, and the worst part was that he had to smile....now that is frightening.
From henrikedwardlarsson on Thu Jul 03 12:32PMCarlos Tevez was attacked by a shark while on holiday in Australia.That's why he has that ugly injury to his neck.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 12:34PMhe is cheating scum, and i wouldnt get tired of beting him with the trophy he robbed us of.
i dont go to pull nowadays either, id get a kick in from the bird probably! i like the music an that at sub club, its a bit varied and no pounding trance all night. i actually disagree with the girls being easier down south, but i have only been out in milton keynes and chester. in mk they were all totally stuck up, asked wot car u drive, how much your clothes cost etc. quite pathetic really especially as they arent as fit as the girls up in scotland for a start.From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 12:37PMI heard a rumor that it was a gang of miscreants that mugged Tevez during his time in Brasil, slashing at his throat.....but it's not true. He accidentally poured boiling water on himself when he was real young....
From henrikedwardlarsson on Thu Jul 03 12:39PMhenrik,
i too would love that. would be no more than they deserve!
i hear larsson isnt retiring from int football. any ideas where he will be playing his club football?From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 12:41PMMaybe its just certain parts of England?!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:44PMI agree with sikka. A pint with Bramble would be amazing
From richard.ekman on Thu Jul 03 12:46PMOh I hope he comes back to us in a not so shocking move, I would die of happiness!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 12:47PMi wouldnt! he scored enough against us!
From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 12:49PMUgliest player - Tevez by some way. I'm sure he's a lovely bloke but wouldn't wanna meet him in a dark alley. Might have some competetion if Ribery comes to these shores. He looks like Gary Neville after an horrific accident.
Do you still listen to Emo / Goth then Claire. I can just picture your walls adorned with Jimmy Eat World and Evanescence posters.
From danny_saks on Thu Jul 03 12:51PM
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