History repeating
Thu Jul 03 09:02AM
August 2005: Deportivo La Coruna winger Albert Luque signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I'm very happy. I'm excited. It's a great place to play.
"I'm looking forward to playing in front of the Newcastle fans."
July 2008: Real Mallorca winger Jonas Gutierrez signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I cannot tell you how excited I am to be joining Newcastle United.
"The Premier League is a great place to play and I cannot wait to meet my new team-mates and prove myself to the Newcastle United fans."
Sounds uncannily similar, does it not? It's almost as if they were told exactly what to say by the very same over-zealous press officer.
Like Gutierrez, Luque (pictured, in trademark bench-warming pose) arrived with a reputation as a fleet-footed, technically gifted winger, who would inject a flair into the Newcastle side that had been missing since the heady days of David Ginola and Faustino Asprilla.
Sadly for Luque he found the rough and tumble of the English top-flight more problematic than he had expected and, one spectacular career nose-dive later, he's currently plying his trade for Ajax in the European feeder league that is the Dutch Eredivisie.
Of course, Gutierrez needs only to better Luque's record of one goal and about 0.5 decent performances in 25 matches to out-do his less than illustrious predecessor, but the very fact Newcastle have signed him suggests they've learnt little from previously unsuccessful transfer market dalliances with players who made their names in Spain.
This, remember, is the side that prised just 19 league appearances out of up-and-coming centre-half Marcelino Elena after signing him from Real Mallorca for a then sizeable £6 million in 1999.
Mind you, if Newcastle were in the business of learning from past mistakes they probably wouldn't have invited Kevin Keegan back to the club.
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Manchester City have paid £19 million to CSKA Moscow to make Brazilian striker Jo the club's record signing, but ED thought City might have missed a trick.
The first photos that emerged from the player's unveiling were of Jo holding his new City shirt with 'JO 14' on the back, and you can bet that replica shirts bearing his name and number will be flying off the rails at the Manchester City club shop as soon as the croaky-voiced Ricky Hatton-alike teenagers of the city have cut down on the fags long enough to be able to afford them.
Back when ED was a lad you had to pay by the letter and number for shirts to be personalised in such a manner, so ED decided to have a look on the City website to calculate exactly how much money City are losing out on by signing such an abruptly monikered player.
Unfortunately for fans of punchlines that actually work, a 'JO 14' shirt costs exactly the same amount as a 'RICHARDS 2' or even a 'BOJINOV 29', leaving ED's painfully predictable 'they should have signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink' pay-off thoroughly redundant.
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Anthony Le Tallec's move from Liverpool to Le Mans yesterday came as a massive shock to Reds fans - not because they were desperately hoping to hold onto the player, but because the vast majority probably didn't realise he was still at the club.
Le Tallec spent last season on loan at Le Mans, having previously undergone loan spells at Sunderland, Sochaux and Le Havre, and last pulled on a Liverpool shirt in a 3-0 Champions League qualifying victory over Welsh side TNS in July 2005.
In honour of Le Tallec's sleeper role at Anfield over the past three years, Early Doors presents a list of players who you might be surprised to learn are on the books of their respective Premier League clubs:*
Ian Walker, Bolton Wanderers
Andy van der Meyde, Everton
Bernardo Corradi, Manchester City
Paul Dickov, Manchester City
Danny Mills, Manchester City
David May, Manchester United
Shola Ameobi, Newcastle United
Hossam Ghaly, Tottenham Hotspur
Henri Camara, Wigan Athletic
* One of these is a complete fabrication.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I can only say that I will spend the period of my recovery in my house in Sintra, but regarding my future I cannot say anything." Cristiano Ronaldo might have to reconsider his vow of silence when he realises that it's actually in his best interests to keep Manchester United sweet if he wants the club's doctors to fix his knackered ankle.
TALKING POINT: Before descending into a deeply puzzling dialogue about the whys and wherefores of snake-breeding, yesterday's comments board threw up a few interesting takes on the subject of which Premier League player is likely to be the first to be arrested next season.
Recent porridge-eater Joey Barton was an obvious favourite, but henrikedwardlarsson nominated Middlesbrough defender Emanuel Pogatetz, claiming - with chilling seriousness - that "he is going to rip someone's heart out, and he will be jailed for a very long time".
chrisnewman950, meanwhile, predicts that "the entire Stoke squad will be arrested next season for crimes against football".
Today - for no real reason whatsoever, with which Premier League footballer would you most like to go for a pint?
COMING UP: Transfer Talk, Version Premier League and Version Championship, plus all the latest guff and counter-guff in the endlessly thrilling Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Barry and Ronaldinho transfer sagas. And maybe, if you're lucky, a little bit of actual news.
And if foregone conclusions and the fruits of pushy parenting are your bag, why not check out the Williams sisters strolling into the Wimbledon women's singles final from 13:00 BST?
I just looked up a website called 'The top 20 ugliest footballers. The usual suspects are in there i.e the Neville brothers, and some you might not expect, i.e, Rio Ferdinand and Ruud van Nistlerooy. Ruud Van Nistlerooy really shoudn't be in there at all.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 12:52PMNo, i know for a fact what happened to Tevez.He was attacked by a dog when he was a kid.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 12:53PMWhich Premier League footballer would i most like to go for a pint? Cristiano Ronaldo. Just so that i could smash the pint class over his head.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 12:55PMi'd go for a beer with Barton as long as he was strapped to a Hannibal Lecter board with mask, also i'd hide the cigars too.
the man is unhinged and should go back to the council estate he was dragged up on.
From th_lgnd on Thu Jul 03 12:56PMDanny I wouldn't listen to that @#$% if I was paid! I'm more into classic rock and pretty much a bit of everything else! I just used to dress kinda gothic, I didn't listen to their music though... well I liked a couple of bands but good ones!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 01:02PMActually Tevez wasn't attacked by a dog. He got burned from boiling water when he was a kid.
From richard.ekman on Thu Jul 03 01:03PMhow about a drink with barton, bringing him to some really shady place, than encouraging him to start a fight with some thugs and leaving him all by himself? and selling the pictures to the press…
From larry_790921 on Thu Jul 03 01:04PMyah Marc...he's staying on at Helsingborg and there's no telling what he'll do after that. He says he wants to stay on and help Sweden through their WC qualifiers though! A dream move back to Celtic would be extraordinary, but highly unlikely.
From henrikedwardlarsson on Thu Jul 03 01:04PMLescot and Earnshaw are two of the ugliest footballers on the planet. The two of them wouldn't look out of place on an episode of Star Trek.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 01:09PMHenrik Larsson won't go anywhere. It's a shame really. I would like to see him back in celtic too. That's where he belongs, but he has his family and life in helsingborg now. And he is 65 years old after all.
From richard.ekman on Thu Jul 03 01:11PMSorry, im geting Tevez mixed up with somone else.Some other famous footbaler got mauled by a dog.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 01:12PMAh I see Claire. I used to be a bit of a Goth. Even attended a Goth wedding, which was fun. But I tend towards the heavier end these days - more Industrial.
Player to have a pint with? Hmmm... tough one. How many could hold down a decent conversation? Teddy Sheringham perhaps. Can I still count him?
From danny_saks on Thu Jul 03 01:14PMIt's ok. I get your point anyway: He's ugly, and I agree.
From richard.ekman on Thu Jul 03 01:14PMWhat do u mean Ruud shouldn't be in it?! Speaking from a woman's point of view, he looks like a horse and an ugly one at that!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 01:15PMJude you are so cool. But i just found out your secret that you have joined an online club SugarCupid, by which you are seeking a sexy girl for extramarital relationship.Come on! Really hot!
From chrisnewman950 on Thu Jul 03 01:15PMany kind off rock where i can understand what is being sung..i draw the line after bullet for my valentine .....rap music is okey like eminem or kanye west ....any rave or trance. music is a controlling force it defines who we are and the moods we are in
From dannickbates on Thu Jul 03 01:16PMDan do you like Rammstein?
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 01:17PMHi Claire, I managed to escape from the roman psycho.
Barton wouldn't have a chance against him. I think Amy Lee of evanescence is sexy in a gothy type of way.
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 01:18PMhavent heard their latest stuff but i liked shein sucht that was a good album
From dannickbates on Thu Jul 03 01:19PMand when i say understand what is being sung im talking about screaming not foreign languages
From dannickbates on Thu Jul 03 01:20PMCan we please stop talking about music? Never has a conversation been more inappropiate here on ED!
From richard.ekman on Thu Jul 03 01:21PMOn the topic of sexy, is it only me or are women that talk about footy at least 50% sexier? Take Helen Chamberlain and Gabby Logan, not the best looking ever but when they talk footy they do it for me.
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 01:21PMGood for you I'm glad, did u have to feel roman steel? I hope not! Bullet for my Valentine are @#$%! I like most stuff that has a good tune, decent vocals and isn't about how life sux when ur 16!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 01:22PMAll this talk has me wondering: Where is Roxy?
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 01:23PMI wouldn't want you ascessing my looks Claire, that's for sure. Yeah i know Ruud does have a bit of a long face, but ugly is a term that should be reserved for people like Frank Ribery or Carlos Tevez, not peope who are imperfect.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 01:25PMi find it worrying that all you guys rate other guys on their uglyness, does that also mean you know which ones you find hansome too and does that mean anything?
man utd suck
From roxydgurl on Thu Jul 03 01:26PMNope, I made him stick it up his own ar$e.
Bullet for my Valentine sucks!From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 01:26PMI was just asking cos I like them not cos they sing in german! Sorry Richard, I shall cease and desist!
From claire881 on Thu Jul 03 01:26PMRammstein? Ich Will! Manson, Zombie, Pitchshifter, Dope. Don't care if I can tell whats being sung. The voice is an instrument too. No-one can tell me that the Chili Peppers lyrics actually mean anything. Don't mean it isn't cool.
Sorry Richard - I didn't realise that footy fans weren't allowed to like music too... But compared to some of the s**t that is discussed on here I reckon its pretty relevant. Do you know what song your team come out to?
From danny_saks on Thu Jul 03 01:26PMLarry
Good one about Barton. I bet if Barton went to prison he would be eaten alive by some of the inmates. Lets hope he offends again.From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 01:26PM
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