History repeating
Thu Jul 03 09:02AM
August 2005: Deportivo La Coruna winger Albert Luque signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I'm very happy. I'm excited. It's a great place to play.
"I'm looking forward to playing in front of the Newcastle fans."
July 2008: Real Mallorca winger Jonas Gutierrez signs five-year contract at Newcastle United and promptly expresses his delight at the move:
"I cannot tell you how excited I am to be joining Newcastle United.
"The Premier League is a great place to play and I cannot wait to meet my new team-mates and prove myself to the Newcastle United fans."
Sounds uncannily similar, does it not? It's almost as if they were told exactly what to say by the very same over-zealous press officer.
Like Gutierrez, Luque (pictured, in trademark bench-warming pose) arrived with a reputation as a fleet-footed, technically gifted winger, who would inject a flair into the Newcastle side that had been missing since the heady days of David Ginola and Faustino Asprilla.
Sadly for Luque he found the rough and tumble of the English top-flight more problematic than he had expected and, one spectacular career nose-dive later, he's currently plying his trade for Ajax in the European feeder league that is the Dutch Eredivisie.
Of course, Gutierrez needs only to better Luque's record of one goal and about 0.5 decent performances in 25 matches to out-do his less than illustrious predecessor, but the very fact Newcastle have signed him suggests they've learnt little from previously unsuccessful transfer market dalliances with players who made their names in Spain.
This, remember, is the side that prised just 19 league appearances out of up-and-coming centre-half Marcelino Elena after signing him from Real Mallorca for a then sizeable £6 million in 1999.
Mind you, if Newcastle were in the business of learning from past mistakes they probably wouldn't have invited Kevin Keegan back to the club.
- - -
Manchester City have paid £19 million to CSKA Moscow to make Brazilian striker Jo the club's record signing, but ED thought City might have missed a trick.
The first photos that emerged from the player's unveiling were of Jo holding his new City shirt with 'JO 14' on the back, and you can bet that replica shirts bearing his name and number will be flying off the rails at the Manchester City club shop as soon as the croaky-voiced Ricky Hatton-alike teenagers of the city have cut down on the fags long enough to be able to afford them.
Back when ED was a lad you had to pay by the letter and number for shirts to be personalised in such a manner, so ED decided to have a look on the City website to calculate exactly how much money City are losing out on by signing such an abruptly monikered player.
Unfortunately for fans of punchlines that actually work, a 'JO 14' shirt costs exactly the same amount as a 'RICHARDS 2' or even a 'BOJINOV 29', leaving ED's painfully predictable 'they should have signed Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink' pay-off thoroughly redundant.
- - -
Anthony Le Tallec's move from Liverpool to Le Mans yesterday came as a massive shock to Reds fans - not because they were desperately hoping to hold onto the player, but because the vast majority probably didn't realise he was still at the club.
Le Tallec spent last season on loan at Le Mans, having previously undergone loan spells at Sunderland, Sochaux and Le Havre, and last pulled on a Liverpool shirt in a 3-0 Champions League qualifying victory over Welsh side TNS in July 2005.
In honour of Le Tallec's sleeper role at Anfield over the past three years, Early Doors presents a list of players who you might be surprised to learn are on the books of their respective Premier League clubs:*
Ian Walker, Bolton Wanderers
Andy van der Meyde, Everton
Bernardo Corradi, Manchester City
Paul Dickov, Manchester City
Danny Mills, Manchester City
David May, Manchester United
Shola Ameobi, Newcastle United
Hossam Ghaly, Tottenham Hotspur
Henri Camara, Wigan Athletic
* One of these is a complete fabrication.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I can only say that I will spend the period of my recovery in my house in Sintra, but regarding my future I cannot say anything." Cristiano Ronaldo might have to reconsider his vow of silence when he realises that it's actually in his best interests to keep Manchester United sweet if he wants the club's doctors to fix his knackered ankle.
TALKING POINT: Before descending into a deeply puzzling dialogue about the whys and wherefores of snake-breeding, yesterday's comments board threw up a few interesting takes on the subject of which Premier League player is likely to be the first to be arrested next season.
Recent porridge-eater Joey Barton was an obvious favourite, but henrikedwardlarsson nominated Middlesbrough defender Emanuel Pogatetz, claiming - with chilling seriousness - that "he is going to rip someone's heart out, and he will be jailed for a very long time".
chrisnewman950, meanwhile, predicts that "the entire Stoke squad will be arrested next season for crimes against football".
Today - for no real reason whatsoever, with which Premier League footballer would you most like to go for a pint?
COMING UP: Transfer Talk, Version Premier League and Version Championship, plus all the latest guff and counter-guff in the endlessly thrilling Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Barry and Ronaldinho transfer sagas. And maybe, if you're lucky, a little bit of actual news.
And if foregone conclusions and the fruits of pushy parenting are your bag, why not check out the Williams sisters strolling into the Wimbledon women's singles final from 13:00 BST?
nice one
From chrisnewman950 on Thu Jul 03 03:15PMNo dannickbates.That's where everybody gets confused.The bible teaches us that God is an all knowing, all powerful being. Therfore he had to have known that man would sin. He created Adam and Eve, therfore he created the sin that was within them.Yes the bible teaches us tat Adam and Eve sinned.That doesn't mean they created it.If God created everything, then he had to have created sin.Lets face it, the bible contradicts itself left right and centre.
From samuelbanks on Thu Jul 03 03:15PMDidn't sin come from the fallen angel? No expert, only asking?
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 03:18PMwhy is this ballack runour i started still persisting?
From roxydgurl on Thu Jul 03 03:18PMi wouldnt class it as indie, im not a big indie fan myself.
i like my rock an roll and dance but like a bit of most types of music. apart from classical, there is no point in that!
what about derek riordin sav? he looks like an alien
From marcgrant7 on Thu Jul 03 03:20PMBallack is coming to hammers with schweinsteiger and rammstein
i'm forever blowing bubbles Expect a lot of German flags to start appearing on Mile End Road Roxy
Your rumour is gathering pace like an enourmous snow ball
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 03:22PMSucky Ballack to sucky Hammers from sucky Chelsea!!!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 03:23PMhey folks how are u all today?guess great.not been able to posts many comments today cos vey busy.
From jacknfor on Thu Jul 03 03:24PMScolari is gonna sell Ballack to West Ham for Germany knocking Portugal out of the Euros...
From jcverm on Thu Jul 03 03:26PMi must be good at starting rumours etc, the last one i did still persists, i had an obscurtion distance for the visor to interior mirror that uncle henry still quotes and i made that one up to save my @#$% at a meeting
From roxydgurl on Thu Jul 03 03:28PMRichard - is religion a more suitable topic for this board than music?
Marc - Oasis popularised the term 'Indie' but I agree that they aren't really. Monkeys genuinely are tho.
From danny_saks on Thu Jul 03 03:28PMmy next rumour is van persie to chelski for SWP and £10M
From roxydgurl on Thu Jul 03 03:30PM"Can't wait to hear british commentators pronounce the name Jo (if you didn't know, the J is pronounced like an H)."
I'd be surprised if that was the case. Jo is Brazilian, and his name should be pronounced by Portuguese standards, not Spanish ones.
From is_spc on Thu Jul 03 03:31PMGod is a human intervention for all the bits in life the world and universe we do not understand
for example,
Where are my socks ? God knows
Why did England win in 1966 ? God knows
Is there life on Mars ? God knows
The good and evil was invented by some original control freaks a complete diversion from the point that us little peeps know jack s(expletive)t
One thing we do know thow is that Ballack is coming to west ham even jc of joburg can see the logic in that
From arttidesco on Thu Jul 03 03:34PMjudesurf, you suck
From dustbrother101 on Thu Jul 03 03:40PMHear hear - go the Hammers to pull of the coup of the century! Wonder how many finals Ballack's gonna lose with them tho...
From jcverm on Thu Jul 03 03:42PMArt I'm glad you said that all in the same post, clearly a joker you are.
Bal-lack-of-skills to West Ham!!!From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 03:42PMUp yours duster brother!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 03:43PMArt, thanks for the nickname. JC from Joburg - that rolls off the tongue so nicely...
From jcverm on Thu Jul 03 03:44PMOpen question to the forum's regulars.... Do you lot have jobs?? Because I reckon you are way too involved in this to actually be doing any real work as well.
From manutd_mainactor on Thu Jul 03 03:45PMim waitiing on data to arrive so i have a bit of downtime thats my excuse right now number 1 of a long list of them
From roxydgurl on Thu Jul 03 03:49PMI've got some downtime between fighting barbarians and sacking towns...
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 03:53PMSame here, a lot of time is basically free as I depend on other people to be able to do my sutff.
From is_spc on Thu Jul 03 03:57PMIf you're up high enough in the corporate ladder you can just get other people to do your stuff... Wish I could say that though...
From jcverm on Thu Jul 03 03:59PMi'm suprised you're not doing it in latin mattheath
my big time excuse is that i dont have an ID for the system so i cant pull my own data, i dont think it's would look as good if i started painting my nails while waiting, so i do as everyone else does and surf, no-one has a problem with that here
is that what you do judas, surf all day for a living?From roxydgurl on Thu Jul 03 04:01PMVeni Vidi Vici
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 04:03PMNot too far off Roxy. I've got my stuff to do and as long as I do it I get left alone and paid - works for me.
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 04:09PMOn guard matt!
From jude_surf on Thu Jul 03 04:10PMTonight we dine in hell!
From mattheath2003 on Thu Jul 03 04:11PMit doesn't matter which club you go to the pub with... whoever it is, you are sure to get your way when it comes to getting anything you want (as so many footballers have shown in the past - most recently the manchester united "party" where there were girls galore) and johnny evans was so drunk he forgot how to behave himself.... oh wait, none of them know how to behave anyways
From mattniemiec10 on Thu Jul 03 04:14PM
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