Red is the colour
Thu Mar 13 08:54AM
What is it with academics? These publicly-funded layabouts have the time, the resources and the brainpower to solve all the world's problems, yet end up publishing reports on whether it is better to put milk in your tea before or after the boiling water.
(For the record, these studies always find it is better either to go milk-first or to get a life.)
Take the group of boffins at Durham and Plymouth Universities who decided that, rather than applying their copious grey matter to something useful like curing AIDS or clothing Danielle Lloyd, they would look at what colour football strip teams wear.
Their conclusion? Teams that play in red are more likely to win. This, apparently, is not because of Cristiano Ronaldo or Cesc Fabregas or Fernando Torres or, ahem, Gary O'Neil, but because: "In nature, red is often associated with male aggression and display."
So there was no need for Roman Abramovich to plough half a billion quid into Chelsea. If he really wanted success, he would just dress his players like robins.
"It is certainly true that the influx of wealthy foreign owners has changed the resources available to some teams and this should result in increased success, regardless of their shirt colour," conceded Dr. Russell Hill, Durham's Professor of Stating the Bleeding Obvious.
Had Chelsea only been in red last night, they might have hit double figures against poor old Derby. As it is they had to make do with six, including four from flat-track bully extraordinaire Frank Lampard.
The report also found that teams in yellow and orange tend to fare worst. Presumably because teams in yellow and orange also tend to be Norwich City or Blackpool.
When Delia Smith has finished making chocolate cakes out of frozen potato, she might consider giving her beloved Canaries a makeover.
- - -
It was one-nil to the eggheads last night as Tottenham and Everton went out of the UEFA Cup to PSV and Fiorentina - both clad in red.
There is only one thing Early Doors loves more than a good penalty shootout, and that is two good penalty shootouts, preferably at the same time.
The channel-changing finger went into overdrive as first the Toffees then Spurs showed that, best league in the world or not, English sides will never be any good from 12 yards.
Everton's misses were at least respectable, with Yakubu striking the post and Phil Jagielka bringing a brilliant save out of Sebastien Frey.
The same could not be said for Tottenham. Jermaine Jenas had a chance to win it but opened his body and telegraphed his shot so obviously that Ray Charles would have known he was aiming for the right-hand corner.
Pascal Chimbonda saved PSV keeper Gomes the bother of making a second stop, scuffing pathetically wide.
One can only wonder whether, as he left the field close to tears, Chimbonda approached Juande Ramos and slapped in a transfer request.
The French full-back did just this to Wigan boss Paul Jewell on the final day of the 2005/06 season, so may find sympathy thin on the ground following his howler.
Chimbonda was reported to have told friends earlier this season that he did not care about the Carling Cup final, adding: "It's all about the money."
Early Doors has no quibble with the factual accuracy of the attributed statement, it's just that, in the words of the Dude from The Big Lebowski: "You're not wrong, you're just an a**hole."
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "You just need to have a look around to see this is not a Dog and Duck team." Gary Megson may be right that few pubs in Bolton have players called Ali Al-Habsi, Andranik Teymourian or Ricardo Vaz Te, but his second-stringers could still get hammered this evening.
QUOTE OF THE DAY 2: "At first when Jens was not picked, he was very angry. He did not speak any more. He has a good heart - as long as we speak about private things. But when he stands on the training ground he becomes a different person. The way he acts there sometimes needs getting used to." Alexander Hleb lifts the lid on Jens Lehmann's sulky antics.
FOREIGN VIEW: "INCREDIBILE!" screams the Corriere dello Sport after Inter boss Roberto Mancini decides he doesn't actually want to leave after all.
TODAY'S TALKING POINT: Is the Premier League the best in the world? No according to benyoungs: "If we go by the FA cup then the championship is the best league. And Barnsley are apparently the best team in the world." Well, they do wear red...
Today's question: Does the colour of your kit make any difference? Answers in the usual place below.
DISS OF THE DAY: Part two of kevmun82's demolition job on the Early Doors mug shots: "The one on the right looks like an MP who claims he likes the 'Antarctic Monkeys' and 'Snow Police' in a feebly desperate attempt to appear "down wit da kids, innit", when really he enjoys Cup-a-Soup and listens to the Lighthouse Family and Enya in his Mondeo." Early Doors prefers a bit of Lethal Bizzle, actually.
COMING UP: Bolton reserves get the hiding they so richly deserve against Sporting Lisbon, while Rangers defend a two-goal lead against Werder Bremen. The UEFA Cup is live on eurosport.yahoo.com from 7.30pm.
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IM this storyYou are spot on ED, what a waste of time studying that when they could be doing something useful! I could have come up with that conclusion down the pub half way through my pint and turned to my mates and said "You know what, them teams that play in red always seem to win..." and that would be that. End of. It's only a coincidence that teams that play in red are more successful. Bizzle?
From the_kop2003 on Thu Mar 13 09:05AMapparently teams in yellow are the worst, but brasil managed to win 5 world cups, italy wear blue and they won 4 and germany wear white and they won 3 argentina and uruguay wear blue and white and they won 2 each, farnce wear blue and o yeah england wore red that day didnt they? hmmmmm i wonder where they got their info. cause talking about europe, real madrid wear white and they won loads. theres milan to save the guys in red and my beloved BAYERN MUNCHEN.
Come on Bayern (even though yesterday we lost at home to anderlecht :S)
From h_micallef26 on Thu Mar 13 09:08AMDon't know about the colour, but what about the design? Apparently some academics think wearing vertically striped clothing makes you look thinner. Is this why Mark Viduka signed for Newcastle?
From ianbec on Thu Mar 13 09:12AMED thank the good lord you mentioned Gary O'neil for one brief second I thought we were going to get through a day wothout mentioning the Boro or a Boro player! Isnt football a funny old game though, a respectable draw against Villa last night for Boro, sadly for me I didnt listen to the game and when a friend of mine said (Lebowski style) "F*ck it dude, lets go bowl" I took his advice and missed the game. Maybe Cardiff was my fault for watching?
From amarzy on Thu Mar 13 09:14AMderby are rubbish...Chelsea are the best...and chimbonda is actually a prick...its all about the money antics shows he is actually a broke ass @#$%... everton were fantastic...Viola were pretty good too...no offense ...but am glad they r out..let them not eat their cake and hav it..cup specialist ramos dosent actually hv the magic touch...it is actually avram grant dat is rubbish..lol...colour matters...when chelsea wins...they are actually blue..wat do they call arsenal when they lose...red???
From dcksjms1 on Thu Mar 13 09:43AMis dcksjms1 omobobo in disguise?
From the_kop2003 on Thu Mar 13 09:51AMWhat do we make of clubs like Barcelona, Paris St. Germain who have a combination of blue and red in jerseys? Half aggresive,Half passive may be?
From viveks62 on Thu Mar 13 09:53AMWhy did ED not evaluate the research a bit more intensively. Rather than going for soft targets like Norwich (incidentally, "How to cheat at cooking" was obviously penned and filmed at the start of the season in order to get us a bit more cash for a decent striker instead of Dublin or Cureton), surely ED have missed the red team that bucks the trend. Boro
From g_hine on Thu Mar 13 09:58AMBill Shankly knew about the red strip idea 40 years ago when he changed liverpool's strip. You're right academics get money for old rope. It's the players and performances on the day not the strip colour.
From mike_burwin on Thu Mar 13 10:02AMNope. Omobobo is totally dicksj1sm...
From simondenham on Thu Mar 13 10:02AMI went up to Villa park last night with the hopes of being able to smugly sit here next to ED and do some 'boro bashing....but WTF WE PLAYED SH*T! I feel ashamed of the performance tbh. How a team can go from doing so well against teams like Arsenal, to nearly getting done by boro is beyond me.
*rolls eyes*
From neo_booie on Thu Mar 13 10:08AMRicky Hatton wore red gloves when Mayweather beat him. Do you think a bullfighter would want to wear a red outfit? Mind you the Red Baron did ok. If i wear red pants will I pull more birds? If this bloke is correct then no doubt the government will introduce a 'red tax'- forcing Saturday night's favourite Chav tipple to be re-named Vodka Bluebull.....
From whfcuptonpark on Thu Mar 13 10:11AMIt seems like wearing red DOES make a difference! After all they all seem to be winning...Err..Well, all except Boro that is...
From yehia18 on Thu Mar 13 10:14AMNancy Mitford and that Potter chap said it was definitely Non-U to put milk in first. I don't what they said about colours except they lived at a time when Burberry hadn't become an accessory for one's average Essex Excess girl. The research might explain Arsenal's glitch when they had a season dressed in some sort of dreadful burgundy colour. I can imagine Arsene's pitch "Mais oui, mon braves, c'est tres a la mode!" So Aarsenal spent a season being neither one thing nor the other.
From james_ssmith on Thu Mar 13 10:31AMIs that why when I wake up after getting bladdered I have Red eyes, guess this is the indicator to having had a real good time
From peterm.groves1 on Thu Mar 13 10:36AMThe team that has won more cups leauges etc than any other team in the world will be in red, white and blue tonight, colours do matter. Live on the BBC mon the GERS WATP
From avoiceonchange on Thu Mar 13 10:50AMI have one team that TOTALLY disproves that wearing red shirts brings success... Middlesborough. I'm a Magpies fan so black or white can't be good either.
From yeovilfan1 on Thu Mar 13 10:50AMIt must be true because black and white strips dont work, do they Kev ?
From benbear00 on Thu Mar 13 10:52AM"English sides will never be any good from 12 yards"
This is the best damn conclusion of English teams .... England included.
From freestyler_micraponer on Thu Mar 13 10:57AMOF COURSE your kit colour makes a difference. I mean, Paul Robinson was wearing yellow when he kicked air (Gary Neville own goal incident). Probably the shiny colour? Speaking of which, why are all these bald players famous? Thierry Henry, Zidane, Beckham (ok maybe he does change his hair faster than Derby concedes goals) and Robinson (INfamous, that one).
Oh, and to the guy on the left (on Early Doors' front page):
You could always headbutt the guy on the right and tell your boss you're doing a reenactment of the 2006 World Cup Final.
From general_ashworm on Thu Mar 13 11:01AMHas anyone thought that it is because more teams wear red than any other colour? Sometimes the bleeding obvious gets past academics.
From voydow on Thu Mar 13 11:04AMColour of strips.....I've never seen a team play in brown. Is there a banoffee coloured strip out there?
From paul.latham78 on Thu Mar 13 11:10AMTell you what made me chuckle - seeing a rugby team in pink! Surely the opposition would go out and think "Pah! Easy game!" - anyone know who the team is?
Is there any football teams that wear a nice shocking pink? Does pink class as "half-red" making them "half-good"?
From neo_booie on Thu Mar 13 11:24AMPalermo used to wear white shirts, but back in the days they got mixed with colours and they turned pink, so they kept that colour, p00fs lol.
Chelsea's fluorescent yellow shirt has to be the ugliest shirt I've ever seen, I think their tactic was to blind the opposition.
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu Mar 13 11:32AMre: post 22. Wasn't Spurs' away kit last year brown?
From nobesie2003 on Thu Mar 13 11:35AMneo_booie Juventus had a pink away kit if my memory serves right? That and match fixing eh, when will they learn!
From the_kop2003 on Thu Mar 13 11:41AMED, this is probably one of ur best write-ups. Not only did we understand your outrageous humour, we actually understood your point of view. If I had known they would make such Christopher Columbuslike discovery, I would have said so a long time ago. I figured it out myself.And before You wonder any further, that's probably why I'm an Arsenal fan. That reminds me, before they go any further I should release my studies on those that wear blue and black and white stripes on the next episode
From ezyezurike on Thu Mar 13 11:45AMhaha!! Cheers "the_kop", a team of many heinous crimes by the sounds of it - surely a pink kit isnt a crime in Europe....bloody big girls blouses
From neo_booie on Thu Mar 13 12:12PMThose publicly funded layabouts gave you something worthwhile to talk about. And how worthwhile is what you do, actually?
From jim_bojanski on Thu Mar 13 12:13PMInteresting. In our country three out of four top-positioned clubs are wearing red. Someone should give it a try and create a football team out of the Red Dwarf bunch, though. They would be a very successful team...
From vasek.kadlec on Thu Mar 13 12:24PM
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