The Messiah - Part Two
Tue Mar 18 08:48AM
Kevin Keegan's reign as Newcastle boss was described on these pages yesterday as "apocalyptic".
But after last night's performance, it appears the four horsemen who were galloping their way towards Tyneside have taken a breather and won't be banging down the St James' Park gates just yet.
The Toon are still, of course, in deep trouble, and that first win under King Kev remains as elusive as Rio Ferdinand on drugs test day.
It's no secret that they love a good saviour up on Tyneside - a fact that is not lost on Keegan himself.
So much so that the silver-haired former messiah is keen to deflect attention away from himself by identifying another man who is now seemingly capable of single-handedly rescuing Newcastle's dismal season.
Michael Owen's leveller against Birmingham last night had Kev in raptures, and thanking his lucky stars that he would at least be sharing the morning's headlines with someone else.
Keegan believes little Michael's strike - a real poacher's goal - finally signalled a return to form for the England man.
We all know that one goal can do a striker the world of good, a view Keegan clearly subscribes to following his assertion that Owen is still a world class player.
But his record speaks for itself - Owen has netted just four times in his 13 appearances since the turn of the year, two of which were against lower division opposition in the FA Cup.
Kev was keen to point out that "everyone needs a few games to get back to full sharpness" but Early Doors would contest that pretty much a game a week during 2008 constitutes slightly more than that and by now Owen should be firing on all cylinders.
Forget his goal, last night's sitter suggests he is still a long way off.
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Since its infancy, ED has enjoyed (at least until the alarm clock chimes at 6 am, when the sour face of reality has to be confronted) a recurring dream. It centres of ED's favourite team and the latest product of their youth system, a promising young striker who comes on to make his début and ends up scoring the winner in a crucial must-win game.
That player? The boy wonder ED of course.
Unfortunately, ED's gifts on the football pitch remain a figment of its wild imagination (as anyone who has played against eurosport.yahoo.com's dire five-a-side team will testify), but some have the good fortune/talent to actually live out their dreams.
Freddie Sears is one such lucky/talented blighter. His performance at the weekend on his first appearance for West Ham was fairytale stuff, prompting Hammers' fans to remind anyone who would listen that if you're a local East London lad, like Sears, you've got a real chance of making it at Upton Park.
You see, the Hammers have always been big on nurturing local talent and like to see themselves as an old-school, family-orientated club with strong ties to the local community - even their celebrity fans come from the area (Ray Winstone and Russell Brand put the likes of Angus Deayton and Eamonn Holmes to shame).
It is ironic then, that just two days after Sears made his bow, prompting everyone to hail the Hammers' traditional values, they go and appoint an Italian as their first ever director of football.
Gianluca Nani - certainly not a resident of Hornchurch - will be involved with "enhancing the international scouting network" and he will "assist with transfers and help develop the youth academy" apparently, which could well spell the end to bringing the likes of Sears through the ranks.
In one breath Nani claimed he will "follow this tradition" but in the next he said "that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to sign players like Kaka or Adriano when they are young".
Those words will do little to allay the fears of every Essex boy from Basildon to Southend, who are at risk of being on the receiving end of a lesson about the harsh reality of a free market.
So good bye Brooking, Ince, Lampard, Carrick, Cole and Defoe, and hello to a set-up in the Arsenal mould, only with a distinctly Italian, and not French, flavour.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "I don't think I'll be fetching him off again. He was quite angry, wasn't he?" Kevin Keegan proves that player power is at a peak after Obafemi Martins threw a strop on his way off the pitch last night - but won't be subbed again any time soon.
FOREIGN VIEW: The Real Betis fan who knocked out Athletic Bilbao keeper Armando with a combination of a good arm and a plastic bottle at the weekend has been bailed. The man, a builder from Sevilla, had to shell out 3000 euros to buy his freedom - expect Betis to be fined a similarly paltry sum by the Spanish FA, who aren't exactly well known for clamping down on such behaviour.
TODAY'S TALKING POINT: Credit to g_hine for raising everyone's awareness of the National Curriculum: "You don't get a government grant for the history lesson - I'm afraid it's not a core subject. You might feasibly get one for the reference to binary. The government tends to award those dealing with Maths, Science and English (I have disregarded your contribution to the furtherance of the English language)."
What tune do you like to hear blasting out on the tannoy before your team takes to the field? The Ride of the Valkyries (used in Apocalypse Now) could be appropriate at St James' Park at the moment, but what gets your proverbial juices flowing? How about the Rocky theme tune? The Blaydon Races? Z-Cars? Er, Reach out (Papa's Got a Brand New Pigbag)? Post your views in the usual manner below.
COMING UP: There may be some television stations out there who have the balls to try to convince you that tonight is 'Extraordinary Tuesday'. Do not believe them. Other than Hull's trip to Colchester, Wolves' clash with Scunthorpe and a couple of Scottish Cup quarter-final replays (we've got live scoring of all that on eurosport.yahoo.com) you'll be lucky to find any football worth following.
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IM this storyHaha the funniest part of your article is the comments from the fans, like that g_hine guy.
From tone.gunner on Tue Mar 18 09:07AMRumour has it that the illusionist David Blane is p'eed off because Michael Owen has beaten his record of spending 44 days in a box doing absolutely NOTHING!
From geelte on Tue Mar 18 09:19AMIt shows how much were scrapping the bottom of the barrel when Hulls trip to Colchester and Wolves v Scunthorpe (And a couple of scottish cup replays - of course!) are described as "Football worth following"
From paulchappell82 on Tue Mar 18 09:26AMFor the Toons the Spice Girls "Friendship Never Ends" to match the success of the Keegan comeback. For the Rams something from Nick Cave to remind them that things could be worse. And what about "All I Want for Christmas is a Dukla Prague Away Strip" by Half-Man Half-Biscuit for the silliest manager in the league? Or is this just too cruel
From james_ssmith on Tue Mar 18 09:26AMSunderland already play the ride of the valkyries before thier home games, quite rousing! Keegan is a muppet who has a@#$%ved absolutely sod all in his time as a manager
From i_believe_in_animal_testing on Tue Mar 18 09:27AMKeegan is not the only English manager to a@#$%ve nothing. No English manager has ever won the EPL. The last English manager to win anything in Europe was Steve Bruce as a player (I could be wrong on that). There are 9 English managers in the EPL and they occupy 80% of positions 10 - 20 with 6 being the highest ranked. And ED criticises the appointment of an Italian @ West Ham!!!???
From geelte on Tue Mar 18 09:40AMPaul Chappell - if you read the article properly you would see that ED states "you'll be lucky to find any football worth following".
From chebbo99 on Tue Mar 18 09:57AMNorwich City run out onto the pitch to club foot by kasabian. obviously it pumps up the other teams more.
From benyoungs on Tue Mar 18 10:18AM"COMING UP", What about Newtown v Rhyl in Welsh Premier. Why not come along you might have a pleasant surprise Dond
From andon on Tue Mar 18 10:22AMI would have thought you'd have been able to omit Scu(n)thorpe from your bad language filters, or is the whole team an obscenity?
From g_hine on Tue Mar 18 10:37AMScunthorpe? Scraping the barrel? What next? Penistone?
From michelangeloindeed on Tue Mar 18 10:38AMyour all running keegan down as a manager don't forget once the players are on the pitch it does not matter how hard they have trained if they can not put it together on the day it's not any Managers fault. so get off Keegans back, he's the only one to take the task on///
From brian.shrieve on Tue Mar 18 11:02AMSorry brian.shrieve - not running Keegan down - just stating the FACTS - he has actually won the 1st Division championship though! I know him from my time living in the North East (same golf club) - a great footballer, nice bloke but not a top notch manager - perhas because he is English!
From geelte on Tue Mar 18 11:12AMStop knocking Scunthorpe - Kevin Keegan is from there!
From geelte on Tue Mar 18 11:13AM"So good bye Brooking, Ince, Lampard, Carrick, " - and here's me thinking Carrick is from the North East.
Howay the lads
From georgewaite2008 on Tue Mar 18 11:26AMproberly why keegan keeps loseing then
From adammiller953 on Tue Mar 18 11:27AMWake up Bri,Keegan's no good! All that sentimental BS helped him to the job n not any exceptional RECENT showing. Newcastle should wait a bit then PUSH him out. An "upstairs" position will only worsen things.
From crazy_pee_jay on Tue Mar 18 11:28AMthanks for you comments you could be right he's English. like all the game our lads don't stand a chance with all the imports in the game.i.m 71yrs have loved our footy since i was 19 supported CFC all that time.loved the david webb's charlie cook osgood times & ted drake had my own seat then the imports prices go sky high had to give up going. Now it's £40 quid ground and you have to be a MEMBER to buy one. hence i have not been to CFC for some years. What chance have our youngsters got of progresing to the top?
From brian.shrieve on Tue Mar 18 11:42AMDerby should listen to "Living The Dream" before any match. After all the dream ends in a few months, might as well make the best of it.
From yehia18 on Tue Mar 18 11:50AMyet another girly strop it must be the new craze amongst footballers, in a couple of weeks i bet at least 1 of them compains of being exhausted and needs a rest [a day at the racing]kev,s got a few decent players but they don,t work as a team even ronaldo has learnt to pass maybe the white touchline is confusing them into thinking theres a skinny lad in a newcastle shirt out on the wing
From coe606 on Tue Mar 18 12:01PMIs it true that since Paul Jewell arrived at Pride Park they no longer welcome the team on to the pitch with "Billy, don't be a hero"?
From flyingvic on Tue Mar 18 12:28PMWhy do the Mighty Clarets rarely get a decent match report in the daily rags or a positive mention on line? For a small town club on a tiny budget, they actually do remarkably well. Give us a mention and some credit.
From whitehead855 on Tue Mar 18 12:37PMI have heared the Newcastle back 4 have formed a group, its called Goals allowed
From tarcher on Tue Mar 18 12:41PMHmmm, whitehead, why don't the Clarets get a decent match report or a positive mention online?? It's not rocket science! They're a nothing club, of no interest to anyone outside your small town. And remarkably well?!? You're 'aving a larf!
From northern_hamster on Tue Mar 18 12:59PMZombie Nation by Kernkraft 400. Not only good sporting music, it was good as a mobile tone in Shaun of the Dead. Versatility. Almost as much as Michael Essien.
From mrsims150 on Tue Mar 18 01:18PMEminem - Just Lose It - Surely not Arsene's instruction to Arsenal before their thrashing by Man Utd?
Sofa Surfers - Never Go Back - Kevin should have listened, but he's probably more into Tom JonesFrom james_ssmith on Tue Mar 18 04:39PM"Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" by C+C Music Factory!!!
From alihatefi on Tue Mar 18 05:46PMSweary Mary was a character in Viz magazine who appeared briefly from 1994-95. Bearing more than a passing resemblance to The Beano's 'Minnie the Minx', her sole purpose was to say as many rude words as possible.
The magazine was being sold in WHSmith for the first time during this period and with their typical schoolboy sense of humour, the Editors created this character for the cover deliberately to cause offence. WHSmith responded by placing covers over the magazine in their stores whenever a swear word was present on the cover. Eventually, having covered every conceivable way to conceal the word 'cunt' on their cover, yet still have it on full display in WHSmiths, they came up with a new ultimate swear word; fitbin.
Could this be why you're censoring '@#$%' - is there something you're not telling us...?
From simondenham on Tue Mar 18 06:08PMnewcastle are going down ur going down ur going down newcastle are going down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
From carolinewilliamson on Tue Mar 18 06:14PMWell I guess Newcastle could come on to the tune of Shubert's Funeral March. Half way through the second half they could send on Owen as sub to the tune of Batman!
From eliotot on Wed Mar 19 04:24AM
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