Teenage kicks and toilet humour
Thu Mar 20 08:47AM
"Crash", "Bashed", "Simply the Beast". There was only going to be one man making today's back page headlines - Ashley Cole. Perhaps "Dirty Bashtard" might have been more appropriate - his horror tackle very nearly broke Alan Hutton's leg - but as if that alone wasn't bad enough, his reaction in the aftermath was nothing short of appalling.
Just a day after FA chief Lord Triesman vowed to get tough on pompous, arrogant players who show a lack of respect to referees, Cole took it upon himself to prove just how pompous, arrogant and disrespectful he can be.
In a metaphorical two-fingered salute to the establishment, Cole turned his back on Mike Riley as he was shown a yellow card and, despite the referee's insistent pleas for him to show some respect, Cole simply walked away spouting forth some choice expletives like a spoilt child.
ED is sure that if there was a bedroom handy to storm into, he would have been off before you could say "don't the slam the door".
Now we all know Cole has been enduring a few problems in his personal life recently, but taking out his frustration on a referee really is too much.
Off the pitch, Cole is reportedly busy trying to find a way back into his wife's good books, even refusing to go out with the lads the other night, preferring instead to stay in and play on his Playstation like a good boy. But those traits of teenage life now seem to be appearing in his professional life too.
Instead of taking his punishment like a man, Cole, 13, even had the temerity to try to convince Riley - and later Gus Poyet on his way down the tunnel at half-time - of his innocence, wagging his finger at the Spurs assistant manager in yet another horribly arrogant gesture.
John Terry also got in on the act, inexplicably backing up his team-mate by pursuing Riley in a pretty good re-enactment of the Andy D'Urso/Old Trafford incident as Triesman delivered a litter of kittens in front of his telly.
Just a brief aside - ED will eat its own capello if Fabio Hat gives JT the England armband after last night.
- - -
The old Wembley holds many memories for many people. The White Horse Cup Final, Bobby Moore holding aloft the Jules Rimet trophy in 1966, Evel Knievel's failed attempt to jump over 13 buses, the Wembley Lions speedway team, a WWF Summer Slam event, Live Aid - the list of classic events at the old stadium is seemingly endless.
To this day, ED's particular favourite remains a gridiron game between the Miami Dolphins and the San Francisco 49ers back in 1988 as a youthful Doors snatched its first glorious taste of American culture.
For the record, that taste soured pretty soon after kick-off as Dan Marino was hardly given a chance to impress his legions of English fans and ED missed the Dolphins' last minute winning touchdown because it had left early to avoid the crowds.
Nonetheless, it was an enjoyable day out. But there are some bad memories too, mostly stemming from the famous old stadium's later years when it seemed to crumble under the weight of its own history. Or more likely an almost total lack of renovation works since it was built in 1923.
One direct consequence of that neglect was the Empire Stadium's terrible toilet facilities. ED remembers when wee used to practically rain down on supporters from the upper gantries, making a day out at the cup final a daunting experience for even the most hardened match goer.
With anything between around 80,000 bladders emptying themselves in one venue over the course of a couple of hours - and with just one loo for every 250 spectators - the toilets simply could not cope with the sheer volume of urine passing through them.
But with the fan-to-bog ratio now reduced to 34:1 at the new stadium, England can finally be proud of a ground that meets today's gleaming standards.
Which all leads us, in a horribly round about way, to believe that such high standards are de rigueur at stadia around the world these days, especially at major sporting events like the Olympics.
Think again.
Beijing organisers are having to refit the toilets at three main Olympic venues after complaints from foreign athletes about having to use the antiquated squat and thrust method.
Most toilets in China are still of the squat rather than sit-down variety, as spectators and competitors at recent test events in otherwise state of the art venues like the "Water Cube" aquatics centre has the misfortune to discover.
"In my personal point of view, there are cultural differences between Chinese and Western people. Chinese are more used to squat toilets," said Yao Hui, a senior official responsible for the management of Olympic venues.
"Toilet alteration projects at the Bird's Nest (National Stadium), the Water Cube and National Indoor Stadium are ongoing and if technical conditions permit, all the toilets in these stadiums will be changed."
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "If someone wants to buy Diego, they have to kill me first. Diego will only leave Werder over my dead body." Werder Bremen president Jurgen Born sets himself up for the mother of all falls when the Brazilian leaves in the summer.
TALKING POINT: Who would you like to see make a comeback in the Premier League? Mark Hateley's dad and a Liberian politician, apparently.
"Tony Hateley - once headed a goal when the ball was six inches above the turf. Couldn't do anything with his feet except stand on them. There's a tribe in Brazil that play football exactly like Hateley did. They head the ball along the ground." james_ssmith
"Georgi Kinkladze and Petr Katchouro, though the latter wasn't that good as the former, if I remember. George Weah too, because he had quite possibly the best second name to come out of a debt-ridden and war-torn Liberia. And maybe Daniel Fonseca. In fact, all of these - apart from Katchuro - were awsome in the early days of Championship Manager. I yearn for another Liberian-Uruguayan-Georgian triangle of net-rippling death." fistfullofvisas
For today, let's have your views on the worst stadiums you've ever been to. Standing on the uncovered terraces behind the goal at Danish side Aalborg's pre-renovation ground on a dark and rainy Saturday afternoon singing offensive chants in English with local hard core fans has to rank up there as one of the worst matchday experiences ED has ever endured.
COMING UP: Eintracht Frankfurt against Energie Cottbus in the Bundesliga is about as good as it gets tonight. Of course, our German Brüder in Munich will be scoring that game live for you, so log on from 19:30 GMT and watch those 90 minutes fly by! Or, even better, if you speak German, you'll be able to follow text commentary on eurosport.yahoo.de as well. Wunderbar.
- - -
E-mail this story
IM this storyED will eat its own capello if Fabio Hat gives JT the England armband after last night?????????
From ashman_ashy_ash on Thu Mar 20 08:56AMEasily Brentford
From chaz.nixon on Thu Mar 20 08:58AMWorst ED Ive read. After that game all you can talk about is Cole. Bad tackle, so waht. didnt used to get moaned about as much. The tackles in football arent geting worse, the football and over analysing everything is getting worse. If Cole wasn't playing for Chelsea nothing would have said about it. And saying Terry shouldn't be captain for sticking up for his team mate is the most stupid thing Ive ever heard. He's the only captain in that squad.
Person who writes this is same as almost all English pundits, Hates Chelsea through bein jealous but completely overrates and loves every Man U, Liverpool and Arsenal player.
From sav46e on Thu Mar 20 09:09AMThe "Shabby" Abbey stadium, home to Cambridge United. It's a hazard!
Good article today ED, but again i fear that because you failed to mention that arrogant portugese greaseball, and possibly the most exciting match of the Premier League this season, that you may get a "slating".
Top Banana.
From the_kop2003 on Thu Mar 20 09:09AMAshley Cole - What a moron!!
From thornhillchris85 on Thu Mar 20 09:11AMWhat kind of moron could possibly defend Cole's tackle, irrespective of which team he played for? If he was a Birmingham, Bolton or Sunderland player having fouled a top-five Superstar, Sepp Blatter would already be wading in with a requirement for a life-ban. Cole's lucky he didn't break any bones and come away with an assault charge
From g_hine on Thu Mar 20 09:24AMI completely agree with this article, if the FA need to make a stand and show some balls by throwing the book at Cole and setting down a marker for the future. Arrogant, ignorant, self obssessed, over paid little prima donna
From ganstarapper2003 on Thu Mar 20 09:27AMI once got soaked by a supersoaker at Luton away, it was bleeding November as well so I had to stand for 90 mins in the freezing cold, soaking wet watching John Hartson rip us to shreds.
From paulchappell82 on Thu Mar 20 09:44AMI was there last night and John Terry made some pretty nasty tackles himself and was lucky not to get a card. Along with Drogba's "Simulations" and Ashley Cole's horror tackle and subsequent tantrum it's no wonder Chelsea are often hated. It's not all bad though, Joe Cole was a class act all the way and showed his team mates up for the overpaid drama queens they are. All said and done, it was still one of the best games I have ever seen.
From joseph_brownett on Thu Mar 20 09:45AMComment from sav46e this mornin is total crap, just because you support Chelsea doesn't mean that Cole's challenge was acceptable or that John Terry is a suitable captain. I know kids who behave better and show more respect than that pair, and don't swear at refs, urinate in public or cry when they lose. As for ED lovin every Man U, Liverpool or Arsenal player - do you even read this column?!? Every deserving player gets the ripping they deserve regardless of the colours they wear. And just coz Spurs robbed a point off you last night doesnt mean that you can go pointing the finger!
From agentblue_99 on Thu Mar 20 09:46AMGood to see ED failing to give Spurs any credit for once again slowing the Mourinho-free train to only a point (which hopefully means they'll take it out on the Arsenal this weekend)
From dangreavey on Thu Mar 20 09:50AMIts about time they booked anyone, other that the offender and his captain, who chase after referees trying to intimidate them.
From mikegettings on Thu Mar 20 09:54AMDid anyone else pick up that Cole was noted as being 13? Coincidence?
From dj_suspex on Thu Mar 20 09:56AMPlayers such as Ashley Cole, Terry and lampard epitomise the worst in English football. They are nothing more that thugs on the pitch and I hate all three of them with a passion and that is why most of the country hate Chelsea. If it wasn't for football all three of them would probably be banged up but unfortuneatly due to football they can continue there thuggish behaviour and earn 120k a week. Its also players like this that people have developed a general malaise towards the England national team. The only saving grace for Chelsea is Joe Cole who by all accounts comes across as a genuinely nice guy as well as a class footballing act. I hope that the FA review A Coles challenge and act accordingly. What a muppet!
From dansanders1 on Thu Mar 20 09:57AMWhat the hell do Tottenham have to do before anyone gives them a bit of credit for how they play......4.4 aginst Chelsea and all people are ranting about is how badly behaved the Chelsea players are. Bit of credit wheres its due people please. Nice game Spurs, keep up the entertainment..
From andy9113 on Thu Mar 20 10:06AMThe best reason for reading ED is the mixture of humour and seriousness. Nobody can convince me that at the top level a defender's tackle isn't fueled by an element of "Get the bastard!" Such tackles are vicious if they're mistimed. That's the serious bit.
Even more seriously, the worst ground I've been to is Red Star's in Belgrade when they are playing Partizan, whose ground is a half a mile away. Without fail seats get ripped up and thrown on the pitch and there is usually a small riot. Once I was given a ticket for the Partizan section of the ground by a Red Star supporter (he was in the Directors' box). Have you ever seen that advert where just one person stands and cheers a goal? Can't comment on the toilets as I wasn't even capable of a squeak when I realised my faux pas. And I was British, too!
From james_ssmith on Thu Mar 20 10:09AMsav46e,talks perfect sense,everybody at the mo wants2join the(lets slag Chelsea gang)Get a grip people,have some ideas of your own.
From hometerryblue on Thu Mar 20 10:11AMIf Ashley Cole gets into the England squad after that petulant display last night then Capello needs a slap.
From manofdann on Thu Mar 20 10:11AMJT,is the only England Captain.
From hometerryblue on Thu Mar 20 10:13AMCole (Ashley) is and always has been a bit of a plonker and it's a shame that he is the talking point not the game - sav46 got it right about over analysing on the box - the so called 2experts and presenters - who must have come from the Sun newspaper!! - continually talk about incidents instead of the games as a whole and continually show these from various angles and even by com@#$%r animation if live pic not good enough.
From kstenning on Thu Mar 20 10:18AMworse ground, possibly watford as its still fresh in my memory from the weekend. 2500 fans in a area hugh fernley-wittingstall doesn't think fit's for chickens.
From becksbloor on Thu Mar 20 10:22AMJoe Cole = Amazing
Terry = Rock Hard Captain
Lampard = Gerrard's Better
Ashley Cole = F*$% Right Off
Wright-Phillips = Amazing Runs, Awful Finishing
Woodgate = Heart Of Spurs
From joe.seph on Thu Mar 20 10:31AMsav46e - slight paranoia possibly. No one cares that much about Chelsea.
From davybroo on Thu Mar 20 10:51AMAshley cole's always been this way, nuffin suprising there. 13, spot on boys. Armband to any other player but JT he just doesn't know when to shut it!
From crazy_pee_jay on Thu Mar 20 10:54AMwat a very disappointing performance from ED, i always wake up everyday looking forward to ED, but i think am starting to change my mind. A day that produced 10 goals in 2 matches, with the brilliance of C. Ronaldo, & the never say die spirit of Tottenham, all ED cld talk about is a sulking Ashley Cole. What a big let down, think you guys are beggining to deviate from what you stand for to a gossip papparazzi, i know where to get that if i want to, not from ED, pls leave that field for the gossip guru's.
From olamide_ojuroye on Thu Mar 20 11:28AMJohn Terry, Ashley Cole, Alex Da Costa, Ricardo Carvalho, Paulo Fereira all played utter, sheer, total and complete rubbish-for 98 minutes. The fans and Joe 'joenaldinho' Cole should feel massively insulted. If this had happened with Mour around (and it would'nt), some one would've lost their hair-literally. Rubbish. And am a Chelsea fc fan.
From lifeisblu on Thu Mar 20 11:32AMThe Ronaldo Rocket, SHAOUMOOONNNNN MUH@#$%AS lol
From double_t_uk2002 on Thu Mar 20 11:32AMWorst Stadiums? If the pitch counts then Ohene Djan Sports Stadium in ACCRA, Ghana is the worst Claude Leroy has ever seen.
From atokoi2002 on Thu Mar 20 11:37AMI think some people need to read the remit of ED - On field brilliance should be left to proper sports journalists. What discerning ED readers need is childish histrionics that we can't be bothered to read the wife's copy of OK to find out about.
From g_hine on Thu Mar 20 11:40AMThis is the weakest article I have ever read so long as premier league is concerned. People tend to bring racism and their stupid thoughts to soccer. This particular referee is very much interested in giving yellow cards to Chelsea players without any reason. He is the most unfair referee in the premier league. It was good Ashley Cole put him in his right position.
From damoah_afari on Thu Mar 20 11:47AM
Comment on this article
Please sign in to add your comments.
This site is Copyright © 2008 Yahoo! and Eurosport. All rights reserved.
Notice: We collect personal information on this site. To learn more about how we use your information, see our Privacy Policy.