Face/Off
Mon Apr 06 09:00AM
In the scientifically-dubious 1997 action thriller Face/Off, John Travolta and Nicholas Cage undergo an excruciating medical procedure in which they have their face removed and the other's grafted on in its place.
Their appearances have now effectively swapped, so they both get up to all types of mischief and everyone blames it on the other guy.
Being the baddie, Cage plans to abuse Travolta's identity by making love to his wife who, we are led to believe, will not notice that her husband's body is 10 years younger and his face has clearly been stuck on with super glue. Or maybe she notices but just doesn't care - after all, she's married to a scientologist.
What does this have to do with anything?
Well, Early Doors wonders whether Manchester United pulled a similar stunt with Federico Macheda and Wayne Rooney.
Macheda is the 17-year-old Italian who scored a brilliant stoppage-time winner for United against Aston Villa yesterday on his debut. Or did he?
Rooney was supposedly suspended for yesterday's game, but 'Macheda''s goal bore all the hallmarks of Coleen's other half.
The control, the turn, the precise finish and the wild, out-of-control celebrations - all came straight out of the Rooney text book.
Are we really supposed to believe that this was not Rooney with a teenager's face grafted onto his own?
Was the bloke in the crowd the goalscorer embraced Macheda's dad or Rooney's surgeon?
It could even have been a very realistic latex mask; although Early Doors would have gone with something with rather more comedy value. What could be better than seeing Richard Nixon rifle home a 93rd-minute screamer in front of the Stretford End?
Nobody had even heard of Macheda until the middle of last week when he scored a rather convenient hat-trick for the reserves, which saw him fast-tracked to the senior team.
But he certainly didn't look like a debutant. His imposing physical stature, the way he barked instructions at his elders and betters and the cocksure arrogance with which he carried himself throughout - all of this screamed senior pro, not 17-year-old stripling.
Rooney is back next week, after another quick bit of cosmetic face-swapping, just watch Macheda fade into complete obscurity - and tell ED to eat its hat if the pair ever appear in the same team.
- - -Early Doors doesn't want to condone violence (really, it doesn't), but it couldn't help a sly chuckle on seeing referee Mike Dean hit by a coin in the Cardiff-Swansea game yesterday.
The start was brought forward to the cricket-emulating time of 11am, but it did little to dampen the raucous atmosphere - possibly because it made it all the easier for fans to keep on drinking from the night before.
But this did not stop a home fan at Ninian Park striking Dean with a pound coin (credit crunch? Pah!), at which point the referee began to stagger around hammily like an extra in Platoon.
ED does not want to say referees are soft, but they do tend to make the most of any physical ailment.
A couple of weeks ago, ref Andre Marriner substituted himself in the 92nd minute of Wigan versus Hull, claiming he was unable to tough out the final 60 seconds with a tweaked hammy.
And who could forget Paul Alcock's legendary reaction to a light push from Paolo Di Canio, producing a Chaplin-esque backwards stagger before collapsing in a heap?
If nothing else, incidents like these remind you of why people go into refereeing - because they are rubbish at sport.
- - -
A referee ordered a penalty in a Sunday league game to be retaken when a player on the defending team broke wind as the ball was kicked.
A Chorlton Villa player was booked and the ball re-spotted when the ref adjudged his bout of flatulence had put off the taker, from rivals International Manchester, who saw his initial effort saved.
Apparently, the fart constituted "ungentlemanly conduct", but Villa boss Ian Treadwell appeared confused about which end the noise had come from, saying: "My gut feeling is that someone made the noise with his mouth."
The retaken penalty was scored, but Villa won the game 6-4 despite ending the game with eight men - all three players were sent off for swearing at the ref who later said: "They were not a nasty lot."
- - -
QUOTE OF THE WEEKEND: Usain Bolt on coaching Cristiano Ronaldo: "I'm going to tell Ronaldo to stop being such a wuss. I'd like to see more of Wayne Rooney's fight in Ronaldo. He has to be aggressive like
Rooney, even if it gets him into trouble at first. And he has to stop falling
over all the time."
FOREIGN VIEW: Florentino Perez is up to his old tricks again - he is basing his
bid for a second spell as Real Madrid president on the claim that Kaka has
already agreed to join the club from Milan, and
he will cost only half of the £100m Manchester
City offered.
COMING UP: It's second against first in the Championship as Birmingham take on Wolves. We'll have live coverage from 19:45 UK time.
YOUR VIEW: ED asked you to name a more unprofessional player than Amr Zaki (still in Egypt, incidentally), and most people plumped, predictably enough, for Joey Barton. But not these two:
monkeylord: "Paul McGrath used to go missing for days
on end when he was as United. Ron Atkinson employed a man to drive around
Manchester pubs looking for him ... When I say driving around Manchester pubs I
of course mean he drove from pub to pub seeking the player not that he had a
car small enough to drive around inside an actual pub."
garyhiggins754: "Maybe Zaki went to the pub with Barry Ferguson and Allan
McGregor. He might still be there!"
Manu - 5 minutes, Liverpool - 4 minutes, 3 guesses where I’m going with this?? 2 goals, 1 title race (like that??)
C’mon officials – I watched both games and the additional time to be added on for both games was less than 2 mins – so both winning goals should not have happened! When are officials gonna learn you can’t manipulate and fabricate time just to assist an exciting season finale!
1st?
From stephenaanderton on Mon Apr 06 09:01AM2nd
From stephenaanderton on Mon Apr 06 09:01AM3rd
From stephenaanderton on Mon Apr 06 09:01AM.
From rag2706 on Mon Apr 06 09:01AMA full weekend of football and this is all you come up with!
From rag2706 on Mon Apr 06 09:02AMright!!
From stephann009 on Mon Apr 06 09:06AMfirst!!!!
From x_dan07_x on Mon Apr 06 09:07AMCongrats Stoke, Newcastle looked more galvanised even though they still got beat, good win for Celtic, Falkirk unlucky even though they doninated. Big win for Bolton - Unlucky loss for Spurs
From stephenaanderton on Mon Apr 06 09:09AMcan't believe a guy was booked for not being a gentleman
From stephann009 on Mon Apr 06 09:12AMCOME ON MAN U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a screamer this win will make us lift the Title 2 titles downs 3 to go u can do it
From seyiok2006 on Mon Apr 06 09:18AMEighth.
From nicolas_stavrogin on Mon Apr 06 09:20AMThey should do what they do in rugby and stop the clock, with no added time at the end, that way it owuld work out fairer
From tedbailey123 on Mon Apr 06 09:20AMVilla were robbed, outplayed Manure all game but then comes the standard 5 mins added time at Old Trafford (only seems to be when they're loosing or drawing though). Then apparently a winning "screamer" from yet another overrated "wonderkid". Marlon Harewood could have finished that. At the end of the day Villa should have finished the game off and didn't and to win the League you have to get results like that.
From heaton2000 on Mon Apr 06 09:22AMI suppose you would have a chuckle when a player or the Ref looses their sight due to a moron throwing a coin
Please grow up and do not condone such action
From aaf1eld on Mon Apr 06 09:24AMfu.king idiots, this article is not worth reading!
From itani_yassine on Mon Apr 06 09:25AMHahaha unlucky Steve, 6 points in front of u now, and our goal difference is better than yours by 20odd goals, but im sure this is the year where the big 4 dont all qualify for the champs league
From jay8my on Mon Apr 06 09:29AMADEBAYOR....ADEBAYOR.....GIVE HIM THE BALL.......AND HE WILL SCORE!!
From jay8my on Mon Apr 06 09:30AMJay - We should have had a point yesterday - even refs are agreeing! You've still got the three above you to play so with 7 games to go - lets see!!!
From stephenaanderton on Mon Apr 06 09:41AMEverton will finish 5th above Villa, I cant remember the last time Villa won a game.
From jay8my on Mon Apr 06 09:43AMThere is no way that Macheda is only 17 .... He looks at least 25!!!! The only way he can be 17 and look as old as he does is if he is suffering from an aging disease. It was a great goal though!!
From patafrost on Mon Apr 06 09:43AMI don't condone coin throwing at all but come on you got to admit the refs reaction was funny!!!
Unlucky Newcastle no honest I mean it
From annieh97 on Mon Apr 06 09:43AMOh yeah okay Steve, just to remind u, u shouldn't have got a point yesterday because u fell asleep at the back and let a 17 year old turn on the edge of the box and get a shot in. Against the top 3 we (Arsenal) picked up 7 points out of 9......Im quaking in my boots.
From jay8my on Mon Apr 06 09:46AM#13 Marlon Harewood would have fallen over attempting that backheel. It was a brilliant goal. Although the 5 minutes extra time can be debated...
From jcverm on Mon Apr 06 09:48AMSo, Villa lossed to a rubbish goal from an overrated "wonderkid" that is not any better than Marlon Deadwood. Villa must be rubbish then to lose like that. I hope this overrated wonderkid will score a few more of these in the seasons to come. I am going out to buy a Macheda shirt now
From alansmithz on Mon Apr 06 09:48AMSigh!
From who_are_ya_85 on Mon Apr 06 09:52AMWhat BIG 4 jay? as this weekend clearly proved, there is no BIG 4. there's the "conspirital" bodies that say we need to keep the staus quo for getting the TV revenue - well I think Specsavers should pull out of the refereeing system! as time keepers cant read the time!
fulham held Liverpool for 92 mins that earned them a point! Villa had Manu for 93 minutes and should have got a point!From stephenaanderton on Mon Apr 06 09:53AMwhat utter rubbish , are you really journalists?
From chrisw7892000 on Mon Apr 06 09:54AM"Early Doors doesn't want to condone violence"...but we'll now go on to condone it and say how funny it is. Seriously, you lot need to grow up. You're as bad a racist who starts their sentence with "I'm not racist, but..." Missiles being thrown at the ground is a grossly serious offence which could have life-shattering and potentially career-ending consequences and should never, ever be laughed at. Not even if it's stuff being thrown at Joey Barton or Robbie Savage. Shame on you.
From kevmun82 on Mon Apr 06 09:59AMSteve I thought u would be a man and accept that the BIG 4 posses better quality in their squads than the likes of Villa and Everton, but noooooo...its a conspiracy. Be a man and accept it Steve, when Villa were winning u were quick to dish it out.
From jay8my on Mon Apr 06 09:59AM#27 = throwing your toys out of the pram
I have to admit though, Villa definately deserved at least a point
From who_are_ya_85 on Mon Apr 06 10:00AM
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