Red mist
Mon Jul 14 08:55AM
We've all been there. Sometimes you have a moment when all common sense and good judgement goes out the window, the red mist descends and you do something really, really, ridiculously stupid.
You wake up the next morning with a nagging sense of unease before your memory kicks in and the terrifying realisation of what you have done comes flooding back.
Early Doors knows the feeling well, having last experienced such horror when it rolled over to turn off its alarm clock and found itself staring Geri Halliwell in the face. (Note to lawyers - this never happened)
This is how Rio Ferdinand must feel most mornings since he went nuts and kicked a female steward after Manchester United's defeat to Chelsea round about squeaky bum time this spring.
And unlike that referee in Belarus, Rio didn't first need to consume enough vodka to get a herd of elephants doing karaoke to 'It's Not Unusual' and telling each other they are their best mate.
It has now been revealed the FA are investigating the incident, which means Rio could cop a four-match ban and an eye-watering £300,000 fine for lashing out at Tracy Wray.
Perhaps more importantly, it could scupper his bid to be the first TV personality to captain England.
Ferdinand apologised, saying he "accidentally brushed her with my foot", although The Sun claims Wray needed hospital treatment for severe bruising.
That a possible England captain could blame the incident on a lack of basic coordination must be more concerning to Fabio Capello than the fact that he kicked a woman.
You can't imagine the technically-superior likes of the Spanish connecting with anything other than the concrete wall they were aiming for, the sweetness of the strike resulting in several broken toes.
- - -
Pre-season is a time for wild optimism, when results don't matter and fans blow even the smallest positive into a harbinger of certain success.
Wayne Rooney has been criticised for not scoring enough goals, particularly headers, so what better way to begin life after Cristiano Ronaldo (ED has had enough, it's just going to assume the transfer goes ahead) than to nod one in against Aberdeen?
Rooney also won a penalty in a performance that would have left Manchester United fans cock-a-hoop - until they saw photos revealing that a summer of partying has left him sporting roughly the same dimensions as a Citroen Picasso.
Judging by the paparazzi photos (and ED sees no reason to use any other yardstick) Rooney has been drinking, smoking and looking uncomfortable in suits ever since Nicolas Anelka stuffed up his penalty in Moscow.
Two months on the lash have clearly taken their toll on the self-proclaimed 'big man', who faces a tough month to get down to his fighting weight, which is just slightly pudgy.
Then there was Michael Carrick, boldly staking his claim to become a Ronaldo-less United's first-choice penalty taker after sticking one away at Pittodrie, quipping: "I'll take a few more if they become available!"
While Everton and Aston Villa both geared up for their upcoming European failures with defeat against Swiss opposition, Charlton Athletic showed exactly how pre-season should be done.
Aware that a disappointing season has left morale low, Alan Pardew arranged two matches for Saturday against less-than-challenging opponents.
Charlton's first-team spent an afternoon's shooting practice against a Kent railway station as they ran out 6-0 winners at computer geek-owned Ebbsfleet.
Meanwhile, a 'Charlton XI' faced an even easier assignment as they romped to a 9-0 win against Braintree, meaning the Addicks' combined forces contrived to win by a tennis score.
But the biggest mismatch of the weekend took place in Germany, where Mikael Forssell scored 10 goals on his Hannover debut in a 23-0 win against local outfit FC Boffzen, which ED can only conclude translates as "school for the blind".
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "My mum knows what women are like and has told me not to bother having a girlfriend. Maybe I'll have to marry some who is wealthy or knows nothing about football," Micah Richards issues a come-and-get-me plea to the spoilt, brainless Hiltons and Lohans of the world.
TALKING POINT: A measured response from g_hine to Early Doors's willingness to overlook the fact that most of the comments on its message board involve people telling each other they suck: "An oversight worthy of a Holocaust denier ED. Shame on you."
It would seem that Yahoo's spamkillers agree with you, Sir, as they lopped about 200 comments off Friday's post thereby putting paid to the first four-figure haul of comments.
Today - Should Rio face further punishment for his epic strop? Alternatively just banter your way past the thousand-mark again.
ferdinand might not be captain material, but i think he's got more quality than a fit king. he has reduced the nightmare plays significantly the past two seasons.
From jcpotvin on Mon Jul 14 11:12AMi was just wondering where Blackburn will finish the season if they cant hang onto Bentley, Friedel and Santa Cruz etc, is that Ince's fault will he be demed a failure because of it?
and has big boy ballack finally signed for WHU there enough rumours to say he will?
I was very disappointed my reasonable essay on why they say "world series" in the USA is used was not mentioned by ED, I didnt mention NASCAR at all on Friday
From roxydgurl on Mon Jul 14 11:12AMI think rio should split his income with Tracey Wray (top Essex name by the way) til she's fully recovered, dont tell me he cant afford it!!
From roxydgurl on Mon Jul 14 11:15AMroxy is here.how long will it before jude comments????
From bencornelius23 on Mon Jul 14 11:15AMThanks for that tip Richard
What with delayed signing Chocolate Milshakes and Jellied Eels and now a gold stadium I think we can say my wishful thinking is moving forward 
From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:16AMHi Roxy, looks like Kylie Busch is on her way to winning the cup this year
Jr Nation seems tres miffed From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:19AMi imagine judas can get away from the cow pat blog and turn up after he's exhausted with all that sucking he makes them do
what a seriously crummy game cricket is why does anyone bother with it or like it is beyond me?From roxydgurl on Mon Jul 14 11:19AMi imagine he will direct his sucking towards you shortly roxy. i assume he's been 'thinking' about the tight red shirt u so brilliantly teased him about on friday
From bencornelius23 on Mon Jul 14 11:22AMeverything here is "world championship", basketball, american football, everything other than the MLS claims to have no use for playing any professional clubs off the continent in order to dub themselves champions of all things on this planet.
From jcpotvin on Mon Jul 14 11:22AMFerdinand is quality but a fully fit King is one of the best defenders in the league. Probably the second best after Carvalho.
From richard.ekman on Mon Jul 14 11:23AMare we missing some people celebrating bastille day? that would explain the lack of french league speculation.
From jcpotvin on Mon Jul 14 11:25AMi only have 1 red footy shirt and it's got an england badge on it, i tend to avoid red in football terms anyway, but i thoght he's be back eager as you like first thing today
From roxydgurl on Mon Jul 14 11:34AMIf you check the revised Blog number 729 Roxy you might notice you did mention the N word on Friday
From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:35AMi thought i only said NASCA and left an R out for later
From roxydgurl on Mon Jul 14 11:36AMKantong is gone for another day jc of bin Laden Toon
Beckham reckon zidan is the best player ever ! Not only that but Becks reckons he fancies another spell at Real as youth coach !
From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:38AMthat might be true of king, but it's been a while since he was available for 30 starts in a season. he was playing very well before and after the euros in 04, i'm just not sure he's going to be that player again. carvalho does have the best technique, but you need to have a brute like terry beside him or you'll get pushed around too much near the area. if played at center back with a strong tackling partner (sol campbell, ten years ago?), i think touré could be in the same league as carvalho, though he certainly hasn't proven as much in his career. he has some outstanding insights / anticipations though, and he's far more creative than most defenders in england.
From jcpotvin on Mon Jul 14 11:41AM@ andywalker269 - you are an ignorant fool.
I too come from a council estate, I also now manage my own projects division in a multinational HVAC firm.
I take much displearure reading your deregatory views of council estates.
You derivative pig.
From joshmckeown on Mon Jul 14 11:42AMStand corrected Roxy
No sign of The Rainbow Smurf on Compost Corner
suspect the worst given so many of his illuminating orally fixated comments have been removed from ED and CC good newz is gee heinz thinks I should spell his name wright and it turns out he is German two
From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:46AMto be hones roxy i think it might have been when you started saying that you struggled to find shirts that accomodated your breasts that he began to dribble. in fact im fairly sure he printed that post and took it home with him for later usage
From bencornelius23 on Mon Jul 14 11:48AMI think mandy has goon to Kompost Korner Josh
From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:48AMThanks artti, you might have guessed I took a little offence to his words there, I dont post on here usually, like reading all you regulars input, but if he turns up would you be so kind as to relay my cordial words...
From joshmckeown on Mon Jul 14 11:51AMRumours about Arshavin going to Arse are not true, he's going to West Ham so they'll think he's a ballack(s)
From cristoiroc on Mon Jul 14 11:52AMso i get the blame for jude's demise? due to stating how tight men's footy shirts are on some women?
From roxydgurl on Mon Jul 14 11:52AMWhat's counsil estate? What does that mean?
From richard.ekman on Mon Jul 14 11:53AMi wouldnt put all the blame on u roxy, but u heavily contributed. my guess is that he incurred some sort of hand/wrist injury over the weekend and is now unable to type. all because of your seductive comments roxy!
From bencornelius23 on Mon Jul 14 11:54AMfooty shirts are meant to fit one type of body. girls with any chest, or tubby dudes, can look a little like a country sausage the way they're designed. women pulls this look off significantly better.
From jcpotvin on Mon Jul 14 11:55AMHi Jude (if u're still with us). 10 out of 10 I do have a new name. Old cr@ppy boss clamped down on internet so took a break. Also got bummed out by pc police taking off my fair comments about dum@sses like barny and sam.
From tot.jelly on Mon Jul 14 11:56AMI hope The Rainbow Smurf is made of stronger stuff Roxy
From arttidesco on Mon Jul 14 11:57AM@ Richard.ekman - council estate is a collective of houses built by the government to house families of low income.
Government aided housing basically.
Have obtained a bad name over the years as children from lower income families usually find unpleasant pasttimes like burglary or drugs.
I come from one but am proud of my upbringing and think it made me a stronger, more grounded person. hope this helpsFrom joshmckeown on Mon Jul 14 11:57AM"section 8" ~ projects in the united states
From jcpotvin on Mon Jul 14 11:58AM
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