Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Lazy days

Tue Jul 15 08:58AM

It looks as though two of the laziest players in the game are about to head on up to Manchester.

Manchester United have finally got those dollar signs ringing up in Tottenham's eyes in their pursuit for Dimitar Berbatov, while Ronaldinho looks likely to sacrifice success in the quest for cash by rocking up at City.

We've all heard the guff spouted by top players about it being a short career and all that, but with a handful of highly lucrative sponsorship deals, including one with an obscure company that makes photocopiers, Ronnie probably isn't short of a bob or two.

It's well known that the Brazilian only turns up to around half of Barcelona's training sessions, which was fine when he was the best player in the world and they were winning things, but as soon he put on a bit of timber and his performances dropped it became a scandal.

Quite what Mark Hughes's reaction will be to the star acquisition that he didn't ask for putting in about four hours work per week at Carrington remains to be seen.

Spurs striker Berbatov may also have to buck his ideas up if he moves to Old Trafford.

The Bulgarian is one of the most lethal strikers in the Premier League, but his body language seems to cause offence in some quarters.

He has revealed in the past that he models his look on Andy Garcia in The Godfather Part III, but his lolloping about the place, swinging his arms and hiding his hands up his long sleeves, is more akin to Harry Enfield in Kevin and Perry Go Large.

ED reckons that, like many gifted youngsters, he just finds this whole football lark too easy, and therefore doesn't feel as though he needs to put in maximum effort. A move to United could change all that, and the world could soon see the very best of the Berb.

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As is probably painfully obvious, Doors doesn't get out that much, preferring to spend most evenings crying itself to sleep atop a mattress on the floor, forced to mentally replay the moments when it all went horribly wrong.

Needless to say, it doesn't attend many showbiz soirees, but it was cock-a-hoop to hear about a recent launch party for some football-related media package or other, attended by a couple of former players and a smattering of people who make a living out of being a bit famous.

Apparently one of the highlights of the evening was sleazeball one-hit wonder Har Mar Superstar blasting penalties at Peter Shilton while wearing a yellow poncho.

Quite what the small talk between Pixie Geldof and fellow guest Martin Keown would have been over a few canapés is anyone's guess.

ED would like to think that Pixie asked him why he didn't just wallop Ruud van Nistelrooy instead of that funny forearm smash thing, and in turn Keown could have asked the celebrity offspring exactly what her purpose on this earth was.

Football stepped into this daft realm around the same time as all the cash came flooding in, but a bunch of ligging non-entities who care nothing for the game quaffing free booze at a footie-based shindig is a bit much really.

Just to clarify, it was Har Mar Superstar wearing the poncho, not Shilts.

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Perhaps a long-secreted desire to become a 3AM girl is being revealed here, but it would be foolish not to mention the news that Amy Winehouse has been collecting Euro 2008 footie stickers.

Apparently it's to lift the spirits of her husband in prison, though if ED was banged up for three to five in Parkhurst it doesn't think the sight of Razvan Rat's squad photo or action shots of Stephan Lichsteiner would really do the trick.

Let's just hope that she's not been using that shiny Dariusz Dudka sticker to heat up something she shouldn't.

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FOREIGN VIEW - German tabloid Bild passes verdict on Ronaldo's new high-stacked hairstyle: "Afronaldo in Hippie Hair vacation.! No, that is not Don King, but nearly..."

TALKING POINT - andywalker269 clearly believes that the words 'social' and 'mobility' have no place next to each other: "Rooney is from a council estate. You can put him in nice suits, take him to Italy to get married, give him lorry loads of cash...at the end of a day he will still be a council estate scally who likes fags and booze."

Bencornelius23 likes to distract from the lack of female attention by reminding people of the time of day: "It's a shame the girls aren't here dis morning to add another dimension to this mornings board as it seems to be very slow this morning."

Kevmun82 has retribution in mind: "I'd like to see Celtic sign El-Hadji Diouf. Not to play, you understand, but instead they strap him to a gurney and wheel him out at half-time for every fan to come down one by one and spit in his face. See how he likes it. Money well spent!"

Today - Who is the laziest player you've ever seen?

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