Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Lazy days

Tue Jul 15 08:58AM

Ronaldinho It looks as though two of the laziest players in the game are about to head on up to Manchester.

Manchester United have finally got those dollar signs ringing up in Tottenham's eyes in their pursuit for Dimitar Berbatov, while Ronaldinho looks likely to sacrifice success in the quest for cash by rocking up at City.

We've all heard the guff spouted by top players about it being a short career and all that, but with a handful of highly lucrative sponsorship deals, including one with an obscure company that makes photocopiers, Ronnie probably isn't short of a bob or two.

It's well known that the Brazilian only turns up to around half of Barcelona's training sessions, which was fine when he was the best player in the world and they were winning things, but as soon he put on a bit of timber and his performances dropped it became a scandal.

Quite what Mark Hughes's reaction will be to the star acquisition that he didn't ask for putting in about four hours work per week at Carrington remains to be seen.

Spurs striker Berbatov may also have to buck his ideas up if he moves to Old Trafford.

The Bulgarian is one of the most lethal strikers in the Premier League, but his body language seems to cause offence in some quarters.

He has revealed in the past that he models his look on Andy Garcia in The Godfather Part III, but his lolloping about the place, swinging his arms and hiding his hands up his long sleeves, is more akin to Harry Enfield in Kevin and Perry Go Large.

ED reckons that, like many gifted youngsters, he just finds this whole football lark too easy, and therefore doesn't feel as though he needs to put in maximum effort. A move to United could change all that, and the world could soon see the very best of the Berb.

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As is probably painfully obvious, Doors doesn't get out that much, preferring to spend most evenings crying itself to sleep atop a mattress on the floor, forced to mentally replay the moments when it all went horribly wrong.

Needless to say, it doesn't attend many showbiz soirees, but it was cock-a-hoop to hear about a recent launch party for some football-related media package or other, attended by a couple of former players and a smattering of people who make a living out of being a bit famous.

Apparently one of the highlights of the evening was sleazeball one-hit wonder Har Mar Superstar blasting penalties at Peter Shilton while wearing a yellow poncho.

Quite what the small talk between Pixie Geldof and fellow guest Martin Keown would have been over a few canapés is anyone's guess.

ED would like to think that Pixie asked him why he didn't just wallop Ruud van Nistelrooy instead of that funny forearm smash thing, and in turn Keown could have asked the celebrity offspring exactly what her purpose on this earth was.

Football stepped into this daft realm around the same time as all the cash came flooding in, but a bunch of ligging non-entities who care nothing for the game quaffing free booze at a footie-based shindig is a bit much really.

Just to clarify, it was Har Mar Superstar wearing the poncho, not Shilts.

- - -

Perhaps a long-secreted desire to become a 3AM girl is being revealed here, but it would be foolish not to mention the news that Amy Winehouse has been collecting Euro 2008 footie stickers.

Apparently it's to lift the spirits of her husband in prison, though if ED was banged up for three to five in Parkhurst it doesn't think the sight of Razvan Rat's squad photo or action shots of Stephan Lichsteiner would really do the trick.

Let's just hope that she's not been using that shiny Dariusz Dudka sticker to heat up something she shouldn't.

- - -

FOREIGN VIEW - German tabloid Bild passes verdict on Ronaldo's new high-stacked hairstyle: "Afronaldo in Hippie Hair vacation.! No, that is not Don King, but nearly..."

TALKING POINT - andywalker269 clearly believes that the words 'social' and 'mobility' have no place next to each other: "Rooney is from a council estate. You can put him in nice suits, take him to Italy to get married, give him lorry loads of cash...at the end of a day he will still be a council estate scally who likes fags and booze."

Bencornelius23 likes to distract from the lack of female attention by reminding people of the time of day: "It's a shame the girls aren't here dis morning to add another dimension to this mornings board as it seems to be very slow this morning."

Kevmun82 has retribution in mind: "I'd like to see Celtic sign El-Hadji Diouf. Not to play, you understand, but instead they strap him to a gurney and wheel him out at half-time for every fan to come down one by one and spit in his face. See how he likes it. Money well spent!"

Today - Who is the laziest player you've ever seen?

  1. g_hine you claim to correct people's mistakes.How do you feel now that you made a mistake.On comment 66 you wrote n'ais 'pas instead' of n'est-ce pas?For the sake of peace i will just overlook it and beg the other bloggers to do same(if they want)

    jacknforFrom jacknfor on Tue Jul 15 10:49AM

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  2. Loathe to agree with you Jay8my, but I think that jelly tot needs some sort of restraining order

    g_hineFrom g_hine on Tue Jul 15 10:49AM

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  3. watch out JaY ur boy is on da shark. u need a short leesh 4dat 1 girl! woohee

    tot.jellyFrom tot.jelly on Tue Jul 15 10:49AM

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  4. Reads like Heinz & Jelly Tots is on the RO-HYpNOL and poppers :-)

    I think we need to introduce some random drug testing here to sort out the cafinated from the decafinated :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:50AM

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  5. oh right jelly.tot see i thought this was a football forum....people dont come her to make friends they come here to state their opinion on current afairs in the football world. Apart from u, every1 ignores ur opinion so u try and slate people, oh and then u have g_hine who comes on here to point ou spelling mistakes.

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Tue Jul 15 10:51AM

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  6. Thank you jacknfor, that'll be why I was getting funny looks in Belgium when trying to speak pidgin French.

    g_hineFrom g_hine on Tue Jul 15 10:52AM

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  7. They must have str8tened the road twixt Joburg and Durban it used to be 8 hour in the song jc of joburg :-)

    Do they still do Ting Ling Ginger Beer with the funny cartoons on the bottles in S.A. ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:52AM

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  8. They must have str8tened the road twixt Joburg and Durban it used to be 8 hour in the song jc of joburg :-)

    Do they still do Ting Ling Ginger Beer with the funny cartoons on the bottles in S.A. ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:52AM

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  9. tot.jelly,i think i like you.U seem independent and very conservative which turns me on.How are you today?Peace to you.Answer back if only you are a woman

    jacknforFrom jacknfor on Tue Jul 15 10:52AM

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  10. go figure tot. i wouldnt say im teasing g_hine. i neither tease him,nor hate him.mainly because i dont know him,as this is a forum, not some internet wrestling ring where u can pick fights for what i assume is for your sexual pleasure

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Tue Jul 15 10:53AM

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  11. Jay, I actually read this for sparkling witty banter, and the odd football related commentary also.

    g_hineFrom g_hine on Tue Jul 15 10:54AM

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  12. speeking of geeks jackwhatever n artiwhatever r here. drum roll while these boys crank der humor into gear....

    random drugs testing HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAHaha- score 1
    some cr@p in french that no1 givs a hoot about scept a nerd - score 2

    jay/ben/whatever n01 cares but u. go figure. den u 2 hav some make up nooky

    tot.jellyFrom tot.jelly on Tue Jul 15 10:54AM

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  13. Parlez Vous Fransez Herr Heinz ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:54AM

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  14. tot.jelly if u want i can try and find u a friend, its okay its normal to feel jealous, loners like u always act like this. TOT.JELLY do u have any football info to share with us 2day or r u just going to be a @#$%?

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Tue Jul 15 10:54AM

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  15. I know lets have a french spelling bee :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:54AM

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  16. r take the geek bit bak Jackie. u r a sweetie. n yes i am a reel girl

    tot.jellyFrom tot.jelly on Tue Jul 15 10:55AM

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  17. Jelly Tot since you are quite obviously the mathematician amongst us what can you tell us about infinity ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:56AM

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  18. i dont know tot.jelly u r calling me and ben a couple then u say no1 cares about us, we can make this a 3some if ur that lonely?

    jay8myFrom jay8my on Tue Jul 15 10:57AM

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  19. Art, that song is almost 20 years old - back then cars weren't as fast as they are these days... And I've never seen Ting Ling Ginger Beer with the funny cartoons - it must have been before my time, or exclusive to Zambia...

    jcvermFrom jcverm on Tue Jul 15 10:58AM

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  20. Are we in for a roasting on ED surely thats something better done in Kompost Korner ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 10:59AM

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  21. jacknfor, I wouldn't go there. Down that path lies danger - I get the feeling (if jelly tot is a girl) that she's a bit of a preying mantis

    g_hineFrom g_hine on Tue Jul 15 11:00AM

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  22. so man utd ugliest team eh? . . .two trophies in the cabinet! 'nuff said, so much jeliousy out there! . . eating you all up, bring it on ladies. ha!

    ppjay5From ppjay5 on Tue Jul 15 11:00AM

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  23. bebatov is stayin at spurs. he has a heart of white u greedy man u flops

    lewis_maxwell_fordFrom lewis_maxwell_ford on Tue Jul 15 11:03AM

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  24. Mornign claire!! How are you today? In a grumpy mood I guess since you already wrote two essays on Rangers.

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Tue Jul 15 11:03AM

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  25. You must be a boyz man Herr Heinz JA ?

    Got any shiney lederhosen in the cupboard ?

    :-):-):-);-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):
    -):-):-):-) lol

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 11:03AM

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  26. Morning Mr Hippy Hat or should that be Hey!

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Tue Jul 15 11:05AM

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  27. No, the lederhosen only come out when I visit the Steiermark.
    Not gay, sorry, I just think that jelly tot is a full blown bunny boiler

    g_hineFrom g_hine on Tue Jul 15 11:06AM

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  28. morning mister ;)

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Tue Jul 15 11:06AM

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  29. thank you tot.jelly.which team do you support?Is it chelsea,Man city or Man Utd?

    jacknforFrom jacknfor on Tue Jul 15 11:07AM

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  30. Re:- Comment 19 (From gemma.lornie on Tue Jul 15 10:01AM) - Just for clarification, it was Smicer that came on for Kewell in the first half, not Hamann (he came on for Finnan for the 2nd half). Got to agree though, what a lazy bleeder, a turkey in turkey he is now so we can relax & not worry hoping his name doesn't appear on an an LFC teamsheet anymore.

    dmconnell1970From dmconnell1970 on Tue Jul 15 11:08AM

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