Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Transfer tinderbox

Wed Jul 16 09:01AM

If the 2008 Premier League summer transfer window was a party, it would be decidedly teenage.

While most of the clubs content themselves with coy glances and occasional hand-holding, only Spurs, Arsenal and Chelsea have taken anyone behind the bike sheds for some full on heavy petting, but none of them have come close to going all the way.

Portsmouth and Bolton have managed a couple of clumsy snogs each, posh kids Manchester United are indignantly swatting away the attentions of the tirelessly eager Spanish exchange student and West Brom are getting stick from pretty much everyone in sight for pulling a couple of mingers that no-one else would go anywhere near.

But with the window stretching before us like a row of spotty chess enthusiasts desperate for a dance, Early Doors can exclusively reveal the identity of the cupid we've all been waiting for.

It's Rafael Benitez.

The Liverpool manager clearly wants to sign Aston Villa captain Gareth Barry and can obviously afford him, but is stubbornly refusing to meet Villa's £18 million valuation, much as he stubbornly refuses to see that his goatee makes him look like a steretypically gregarious kebab shop owner.

Reds fans may bleat about the lack of money their club has compared to Chelsea and Manchester United, but they have spent only £30 million less than United over the past five seasons, and a club that splashed in the region of £40 million on Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel, Yossi Benayoun and Lucas Leiva last summer is hardly up against it.

And - as ED is shrewdly about to demonstrate - if the Barry deal goes ahead it could prove the catalyst for a chain reaction of big-money transfers in the Premier League.

With £18 million in the bank from the Barry sale, Villa boss Martin O'Neill will be able to land Blackburn wide boy David Bentley, prompting Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to push through a move to Portsmouth so as not to let his England colleague steal a march on him on the international scene.

Chelsea aren't exactly short of a few bob, but the money they'll get from the Wright-Phillips transfer will enable Roman Abramovich to take Robinho off Real Madrid's hands and give new coach Big Phil Scolari yet another temperamental attacking midfielder to cram into his starting XI.

Frustrated by the Brazilian's incessant step-overs using up all the available time for deflected half-volleys from the edge of the penalty area, Frank Lampard will high-tail it to Internazionale, where former boss Jose Mourinho will give him a big cuddle and promise him that Inter's attacking football will revolve around the sole aim of setting up Lampard for scuffed long-rangers from wherever he happens to find himself on the pitch.

With Ronaldinho expected to complete his move from Barcelona to Milan at any moment, the Catalan club will use the cash to bring in Emmanuel Adebayor from Arsenal, thereby forcing the Gunners into the transfer market in search of a striker.

Alexander Hleb's likely Emirates exit will heap even further pressure on Arsene Wenger to bring in a big-name signing to appease the fans, and with any one of Roque Santa Cruz, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Andrei Arshavin set to arrive at the club, Spurs will be stung into action by the sight of their hated rivals splashing the cash in uncharacteristically wanton fashion, bringing Espanyol striker Luis Garcia to White Hart Lane and subsequently facilitating Dimitar Berbatov's transfer to Manchester United.

And with three and a half world class strikers in their squad (balsa-limbed Louis Saha being the half, obviously) United will realise that they don't really need Cristiano Ronaldo after all, and will ease him out of his shackles before plonking him on the first plane to Madrid, thereby bringing to a close the most exciting summer transfer window in living memory.

So if none of this happens, it is demonstrably and unequivocally Benitez's fault. You heard it here first.

- - -

Early Doors is sorry, but £48 million for Robinho? Forty-eight million pounds, for Robinho?

Zinedine Zidane, you may recall, cost £46 million, but Zidane won one World Cup, one European Championship, one European Cup, three league titles and three World Player of the Year Awards, single-handedly dragged a clearly past-it France side to the final of the last World Cup and played football of a beauty that made grown men weep.

The highlight of Robinho's career, by contrast, is probably still the seven stepovers 'n' penalty-winning dive combo he produced in a Brazilian championship decider while playing for Santos in 2002, and despite a thrilling burst of form at the beginning of last season he's yet to convince anyone that he's anything more than an indulgent tricks merchant with a cheeky grin and a commendable dedication to safe sex (he reportedly once asked a nightclub security man to bring him 40 condoms).

If Robinho is worth £48 million then Cristiano Ronaldo has to be worth about £70 million, and ED itself is probably worth somewhere around the £7.5 million mark, despite being a well-worn breakfast-time blog rather than an actual football player.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Today's question: does Rob Wotton ever smile?" Sky Sports News presenter Mike Wedderburn after announcing the channel's presenting line-up for the morning, thereby providing a tantalising glimpse of the thinly disguised torrent of jealous hatred running through the dressing rooms at Sky Sports News HQ.

TALKING POINT: There were 586 comments on ED yesterday, 56 of which were actually about football and 12 of which contributed something worthwhile to the discussion, thanks largely to the shameless nerds who dominate the comments section every day with their stupendously self-interested twaddle.

Highlights from our laziest footballer ever topic, though, included chrisnewman950's verdict on Oliver Kahn, who "just used to stand there watching the game", while adschoey nominated Ray Wilkins for his commitment to sideways passing.

Today: Who is the most over-rated player in football history?

COMING UP: After a rest day yesterday those gristly-thighed, testicularly-discomfited cyclists from the Tour de France are back in action, and you can follow live coverage of their travails from 11:45 BST.

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Ali Dia at Southampton!
From ianbec on Wed Jul 16 09:03AM
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first
From btnewsgroups on Wed Jul 16 09:05AM
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18 million for barry is too much, nobody 27, without a meaningful international or european appearance is worth that, it doesn't make financial sense. nothing against his quality, he's a fine player, but 18 is robbery, 11-14 would be much more reasonable.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 09:08AM
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good morning all special ED posters, glad to read the editors are so fond of the witty banter that goes on around here.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 09:09AM
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Pele. How many of his goals were against real opposition? Those viagra ads raise an awfully big question about his (judgment).
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 09:15AM
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most-overrated player in football history has to be frank lampard.
From jay8my on Wed Jul 16 09:16AM
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My name ends in 'o' `i once played for in crooklog school first XI and 2nd Bexley Heath Cubs XI I scored no goals and assisted in conceding a few and I am on the slave market for a cool 100 million squid. I'd like to think I am a bit of a bargain at that price
In the absence of any offers I am to try my luck at the OSCARS by making a no budget movie catch you all l8rs Hugz
From arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 09:17AM
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I bet some journalist wrote that the first 1,000 pound transfer footballer (Alf Common - Spurs? - correct me if I've got it wrong again)was over-rated.
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 09:18AM
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ED supports Lala Galaxy not even ED is that stupid
Herr Heinz supports N.O.R.W.I.C.H. ! I wonder if he goes commando ?
From arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 09:19AM
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The transfers that would do good for the league list:
Ronaldo to Real Madrid = would be better in general aka no more diving and whining
SWP to Portsmouth = he deserves some adequite game time that man is lightning fast
Bentley to Aston Villa = purley to see what he can do with a better Squad/manager behind him
Roque to stay at Blackburn will be better for his career as he still needs to go through his second season
Robinho to Chelsea for 35 million because i agree with Ed he is not worth 48 million
and i'd say robinho is more like a striker/winger/centre forward than attacking midfielder
Good morning to the faithfulls
From dannickbates on Wed Jul 16 09:20AM
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It has to be Craig Bellamy. Yes he could score, but his total lack of commitment to backing up the team, meant that the goals he had scored were returned with gusto by the opposing side.
From g_hine on Wed Jul 16 09:20AM
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oh my God, jude_surf is up early today!!!!!!!! we are all doomed with 'sucks'
From lifeisblu on Wed Jul 16 09:21AM
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the entire english national team is overrated
From ysufg on Wed Jul 16 09:23AM
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Witty banter? Like rocking horse @#$% on this comments section
From agentblue_99 on Wed Jul 16 09:24AM
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"Herr Heinz supports N.O.R.W.I.C.H. ! I wonder if he goes commando ?"
What the heck are you talking about? I have known a few Germans in my time, many who have a weird sense of humour, but your esoteric posts are just as dull and confusing as they can possibly be.
Grow up and find something constructive to do
From g_hine on Wed Jul 16 09:24AM
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the entire english national team is overrated
From ysufg on Wed Jul 16 09:26AM
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Rio Ferdinand is the most overrated player ever. He's really not that good. Although maybe he keeps getting picked because Alex Ferguson is worried about getting "merc-ed" if he drops him......
From lewishoward_candj on Wed Jul 16 09:28AM
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most over rated players(in no perticular order) are
: David Beckham
: Cristiano Ronaldo
: Fabio Aurelio
: Juliano Belletti
: Didier Drogba
: John Arno Riihse
: Any South African Player as they dont deserve to be there
From dannickbates on Wed Jul 16 09:28AM
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Most over-rated player in football history is Michael Owen. How he is still talked about in hushed tones by commentary teams across the channels who applaud his mesmerising strike rate of 1.7 goals a season since leaving Liverpool is beyond me. (OK maybe I exaggerated the strike rate, but that's cos the hype rubbed off on me)
From pruzie on Wed Jul 16 09:28AM
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Tony Hateley by all the managers who bought him and thereby made his fortune.
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 09:30AM
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In this country any player ending in "o" automatically falls into the overrated category (that includes you art).
From londoncarl on Wed Jul 16 09:31AM
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Lampard is by no means the most overrated player in football history. His goal and assist tally for Chelsea will prove this easily. He is a consistent team player, and has never hyped himself up - unlike the man I'm going to mention below:
The most overrated player right now is Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Lazy, moody, and all hype.
From paqman78 on Wed Jul 16 09:34AM
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Many thabnks to the English Media Must be Becks by eons no one comes near.
From ziaddina on Wed Jul 16 09:36AM
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most over rated player?!? gots to be all young English pretenders who are too many too liist.....milner, walcott, carson, carlton cole, andrew johnson,.............and thats be4 I even start on the senior squad of prema donnas whose biggest highlight still celebrated annually with free dvds in the sunday times was the win over ze germans over 5 years ago!!
From lifeisblu on Wed Jul 16 09:37AM
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get off it j_surf. leave me alone lest i cry
From lifeisblu on Wed Jul 16 09:39AM
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It has to be Mr Lazy, Nicolas Anelka. Joins some of the world's greatest clubs only to dissapoint bitterly. It's ironic that he played some of his best football for lowly Bolton... And Frank "Scuffed-Shot" Lampard also has to be right up there in the overrated stakes...
From jcverm on Wed Jul 16 09:40AM
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Blah Blah Blah only £30 Million less than Ferguson in the last 5 years.
Put the total he has raked in too, don't be biased state the facts....
From jjakocha2000 on Wed Jul 16 09:41AM
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lifeisblu the English team is not overated they just simply need to get on with it and do the job everyone expects of them. We see their quality during club matches they just need to come down the ladder and realise that to realise their International potential they must have their feet on the ground, out away egos and dig deep as a team. I guess that's what Signor Cappello is trying to do.
From ziaddina on Wed Jul 16 09:43AM
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mido-check
van der vaart-check
govou-check
every one who pele says is the new 'pele'-check
From lifeisblu on Wed Jul 16 09:43AM
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Steven Gerrard is the most overrated player on the planet. Ever. I don't deny he's better than average, but when I saw the headline on the back pages of The Sun that he's the best player in the world? Never. Ever. I'm a gooner and I'll tell you what, between hollywood passes that end up in the stands and shocking lacks of concentration, he is the one that ALWAYS gives us the goals.
From djwill6 on Wed Jul 16 09:45AM
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