Early Doors - Your morning briefing blog

Early Doors

Transfer tinderbox

Wed Jul 16 09:01AM

If the 2008 Premier League summer transfer window was a party, it would be decidedly teenage.

While most of the clubs content themselves with coy glances and occasional hand-holding, only Spurs, Arsenal and Chelsea have taken anyone behind the bike sheds for some full on heavy petting, but none of them have come close to going all the way.

Portsmouth and Bolton have managed a couple of clumsy snogs each, posh kids Manchester United are indignantly swatting away the attentions of the tirelessly eager Spanish exchange student and West Brom are getting stick from pretty much everyone in sight for pulling a couple of mingers that no-one else would go anywhere near.

But with the window stretching before us like a row of spotty chess enthusiasts desperate for a dance, Early Doors can exclusively reveal the identity of the cupid we've all been waiting for.

It's Rafael Benitez.

The Liverpool manager clearly wants to sign Aston Villa captain Gareth Barry and can obviously afford him, but is stubbornly refusing to meet Villa's £18 million valuation, much as he stubbornly refuses to see that his goatee makes him look like a steretypically gregarious kebab shop owner.

Reds fans may bleat about the lack of money their club has compared to Chelsea and Manchester United, but they have spent only £30 million less than United over the past five seasons, and a club that splashed in the region of £40 million on Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel, Yossi Benayoun and Lucas Leiva last summer is hardly up against it.

And - as ED is shrewdly about to demonstrate - if the Barry deal goes ahead it could prove the catalyst for a chain reaction of big-money transfers in the Premier League.

With £18 million in the bank from the Barry sale, Villa boss Martin O'Neill will be able to land Blackburn wide boy David Bentley, prompting Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to push through a move to Portsmouth so as not to let his England colleague steal a march on him on the international scene.

Chelsea aren't exactly short of a few bob, but the money they'll get from the Wright-Phillips transfer will enable Roman Abramovich to take Robinho off Real Madrid's hands and give new coach Big Phil Scolari yet another temperamental attacking midfielder to cram into his starting XI.

Frustrated by the Brazilian's incessant step-overs using up all the available time for deflected half-volleys from the edge of the penalty area, Frank Lampard will high-tail it to Internazionale, where former boss Jose Mourinho will give him a big cuddle and promise him that Inter's attacking football will revolve around the sole aim of setting up Lampard for scuffed long-rangers from wherever he happens to find himself on the pitch.

With Ronaldinho expected to complete his move from Barcelona to Milan at any moment, the Catalan club will use the cash to bring in Emmanuel Adebayor from Arsenal, thereby forcing the Gunners into the transfer market in search of a striker.

Alexander Hleb's likely Emirates exit will heap even further pressure on Arsene Wenger to bring in a big-name signing to appease the fans, and with any one of Roque Santa Cruz, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Andrei Arshavin set to arrive at the club, Spurs will be stung into action by the sight of their hated rivals splashing the cash in uncharacteristically wanton fashion, bringing Espanyol striker Luis Garcia to White Hart Lane and subsequently facilitating Dimitar Berbatov's transfer to Manchester United.

And with three and a half world class strikers in their squad (balsa-limbed Louis Saha being the half, obviously) United will realise that they don't really need Cristiano Ronaldo after all, and will ease him out of his shackles before plonking him on the first plane to Madrid, thereby bringing to a close the most exciting summer transfer window in living memory.

So if none of this happens, it is demonstrably and unequivocally Benitez's fault. You heard it here first.

- - -

Early Doors is sorry, but £48 million for Robinho? Forty-eight million pounds, for Robinho?

Zinedine Zidane, you may recall, cost £46 million, but Zidane won one World Cup, one European Championship, one European Cup, three league titles and three World Player of the Year Awards, single-handedly dragged a clearly past-it France side to the final of the last World Cup and played football of a beauty that made grown men weep.

The highlight of Robinho's career, by contrast, is probably still the seven stepovers 'n' penalty-winning dive combo he produced in a Brazilian championship decider while playing for Santos in 2002, and despite a thrilling burst of form at the beginning of last season he's yet to convince anyone that he's anything more than an indulgent tricks merchant with a cheeky grin and a commendable dedication to safe sex (he reportedly once asked a nightclub security man to bring him 40 condoms).

If Robinho is worth £48 million then Cristiano Ronaldo has to be worth about £70 million, and ED itself is probably worth somewhere around the £7.5 million mark, despite being a well-worn breakfast-time blog rather than an actual football player.

- - -

QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Today's question: does Rob Wotton ever smile?" Sky Sports News presenter Mike Wedderburn after announcing the channel's presenting line-up for the morning, thereby providing a tantalising glimpse of the thinly disguised torrent of jealous hatred running through the dressing rooms at Sky Sports News HQ.

TALKING POINT: There were 586 comments on ED yesterday, 56 of which were actually about football and 12 of which contributed something worthwhile to the discussion, thanks largely to the shameless nerds who dominate the comments section every day with their stupendously self-interested twaddle.

Highlights from our laziest footballer ever topic, though, included chrisnewman950's verdict on Oliver Kahn, who "just used to stand there watching the game", while adschoey nominated Ray Wilkins for his commitment to sideways passing.

Today: Who is the most over-rated player in football history?

COMING UP: After a rest day yesterday those gristly-thighed, testicularly-discomfited cyclists from the Tour de France are back in action, and you can follow live coverage of their travails from 11:45 BST.

  1. Yes I know AUS loves to win shame about Mark Webber spinning away the British GP last week bet that went down well on Channel 7 :-)

    Is everything in AUS got a 7 prefix for some reason ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:12PM

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  2. I meant post fix doh! 7 :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:12PM

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  3. smiley-addicts are a waste of space

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Wed Jul 16 07:13PM

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  4. you are actually pretty up to date on Australia artti - im impressed ;)

    I console myself with the fact that no one has been able to pip casey stoner yet :D

    and French women are well over rated ;)

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Wed Jul 16 07:13PM

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  5. Brilliant i'll will I hear my friends new house also now has a proper tarmac road :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:14PM

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  6. Kool friend has just invited me to see The 'Fluffy White Cloud' Orb on Saturday :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:15PM

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  7. richard... why the bad mood? sorry for the smileys - its a bad habit - I do it without realising most times...

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Wed Jul 16 07:15PM

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  8. it's okay. I was referring to artti.

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Wed Jul 16 07:16PM

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  9. A poem comming up then....

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Wed Jul 16 07:17PM

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  10. ave you tried French women Kantong or is that Kossip from yer m8tes ?

    Stoner looks like he is closing in on the Dr a bit fast it will be kool to see how that pans out :-)

    Got to say Casey's bike looks a lot cooler than the 46 so he has my backing :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:18PM

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  11. ave you tried French women Kantong or is that Kossip from yer m8tes ?

    Stoner looks like he is closing in on the Dr a bit fast it will be kool to see how that pans out :-)

    Got to say Casey's bike looks a lot cooler than the 46 so he has my backing :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:18PM

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  12. well guys - im off - going down to get a kebab from Rafa for dinner..

    Talk to you tomorrow!

    Ciao

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Wed Jul 16 07:18PM

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  13. Say it how you feel it from Scandinavia Richard :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:19PM

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  14. anyone on a Ducati has my undying love artti... ;)

    bye - and good luck with the poem richard - i mean it sincerely, you are very good!

    kantong_woksterFrom kantong_wokster on Wed Jul 16 07:19PM

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  15. ttfn Kantong :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:21PM

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  16. Looks like you have some time to finesse your poem Richard :-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:22PM

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  17. Flowers smelled nice
    the day I "met" you
    I threw up twice
    ur that ugly it's true

    but that's okay claire
    I see what's inside
    in my tummy that is
    My vommit's got flair.... or something like that

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Wed Jul 16 07:23PM

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  18. here are some smileys for inspiration :-):-):-):-):-):-):-)

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:23PM

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  19. Wow are you experiencing long nights in Sweden already ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:24PM

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  20. Sounds like a bit str8t edge gothic to me are you feeling all right ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:26PM

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  21. Sounds like a bit str8t edge gothic to me are you feeling all right ?

    arttidescoFrom arttidesco on Wed Jul 16 07:26PM

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  22. ED - you did some of the posters a serious disservice by not mentioning the Under-19 Ladies Euro championship on Eurosport. I'm sure we'd have less over-anxious flirting if you directed some of them to 90 minutes of sweaty young blonde girls running around in football kit. (OK, a couple of them did look like Voronin and Kuyt). Norway has just beaten Germany on penalties after being outplayed. The German goalkeeper Schumann is in the Jens Lehmann mould of complete duffery - robbed by a Norwegian in her own penalty area for the equaliser. I felt for the brunette, Selina Wagner, who a couple of clear chances to put Germany through and then missed in the penalty shoot-out. But a couple of the Norwegians had me wishing I wasn't old enough to be their grandfather.

    james_ssmithFrom james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 08:43PM

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  23. Poet I maybe, but not the laureate of this blog. I think my style would not appeal. Just correcting the proofs of my next collection (Moochas can advertise it if it likes) and two selected poems in slovak have just appeared. Two translations of a Slovak poet and a Serbian poet will appear in the next two years plus some other commissions. My seventh decade promises to be busy. In my eighth decade I'm not sure what I'd like more the Nobel Prize or Scotland winning the world cup. Poets are always around to be discovered or forgotten - the world cup is a moment of glory forever. Yes, that's what I'd like Scotland for the World Cup in the enxt twenty years.

    james_ssmithFrom james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 08:48PM

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  24. bok

    ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............

    mooochasFrom mooochas on Wed Jul 16 09:02PM

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  25. there are so many of them,i mean over-rated players that u wonder if the money is actually in pounds or lira?! i agree with someone that once said no player is worth 50million pounds. and thats very true.Once chelsea could have signed David Villa for 50m pounds,the guy is barely worth 32m now. Adebayor,Robinho are over-rated. How do we even valuate players? is it 42 goals,missed open chances or unnecessary step-overs and only first half of league impression,or in Torres' case only abt 3 away goals?!

    leslyg_gFrom leslyg_g on Wed Jul 16 09:10PM

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  26. Im not sure if theres only one candidate for this award but Shevchenko certainly deserves a nomination!! He cost £30 million and hasnt done one thing to prove his worth, heres a guy whos won the Ballon D'or with milan and looked, at best, like a championship player when he could actually get a game for chelsea. Mourinho didnt want to sign him because he suspected this and once again he was proved right!!

    jonathanoconnorFrom jonathanoconnor on Wed Jul 16 09:23PM

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  27. Most overrated players: Hakan Sukur, Robinho, Guti and Materazzi

    jacquesbittarFrom jacquesbittar on Wed Jul 16 09:33PM

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  28. arti is trying to steal my girl kantong! i will kill you arti! only i an woo her by whispering sweet nothings to her in french ad calling her by her real name, which u dont even know.shame on u.

    bencornelius23From bencornelius23 on Wed Jul 16 09:34PM

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  29. The most overrated player ever, easy its the so called guvnor Judas Ince. Inter Milan president loves him !!! Why dont they take the @#$% back there then, probably cos within 10 minutes of being there he would be posing in an AC shirt announcing his undying love for the rossineri !

    cook.kevin23From cook.kevin23 on Wed Jul 16 10:03PM

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  30. Okey let's get one thing straight. Shevchenko is NOT over-rated. One of the best strikers in europe the last decade. The reason he never made it in chelsea is that he wasn't wanted by the manager in the first place. That resulted in little play-time and when he did play he played out of position on the wing (look at Anelka now. Or Henry in Barcelona. Same syndrome). I certanly hope he goes back to Italy and prove what a great player he is.

    richard.ekmanFrom richard.ekman on Wed Jul 16 10:23PM

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