Transfer tinderbox
Wed Jul 16 09:01AM
If the 2008 Premier League summer transfer window was a party, it would be decidedly teenage.
While most of the clubs content themselves with coy glances and occasional hand-holding, only Spurs, Arsenal and Chelsea have taken anyone behind the bike sheds for some full on heavy petting, but none of them have come close to going all the way.
Portsmouth and Bolton have managed a couple of clumsy snogs each, posh kids Manchester United are indignantly swatting away the attentions of the tirelessly eager Spanish exchange student and West Brom are getting stick from pretty much everyone in sight for pulling a couple of mingers that no-one else would go anywhere near.
But with the window stretching before us like a row of spotty chess enthusiasts desperate for a dance, Early Doors can exclusively reveal the identity of the cupid we've all been waiting for.
It's Rafael Benitez.
The Liverpool manager clearly wants to sign Aston Villa captain Gareth Barry and can obviously afford him, but is stubbornly refusing to meet Villa's £18 million valuation, much as he stubbornly refuses to see that his goatee makes him look like a steretypically gregarious kebab shop owner.
Reds fans may bleat about the lack of money their club has compared to Chelsea and Manchester United, but they have spent only £30 million less than United over the past five seasons, and a club that splashed in the region of £40 million on Fernando Torres, Ryan Babel, Yossi Benayoun and Lucas Leiva last summer is hardly up against it.
And - as ED is shrewdly about to demonstrate - if the Barry deal goes ahead it could prove the catalyst for a chain reaction of big-money transfers in the Premier League.
With £18 million in the bank from the Barry sale, Villa boss Martin O'Neill will be able to land Blackburn wide boy David Bentley, prompting Chelsea winger Shaun Wright-Phillips to push through a move to Portsmouth so as not to let his England colleague steal a march on him on the international scene.
Chelsea aren't exactly short of a few bob, but the money they'll get from the Wright-Phillips transfer will enable Roman Abramovich to take Robinho off Real Madrid's hands and give new coach Big Phil Scolari yet another temperamental attacking midfielder to cram into his starting XI.
Frustrated by the Brazilian's incessant step-overs using up all the available time for deflected half-volleys from the edge of the penalty area, Frank Lampard will high-tail it to Internazionale, where former boss Jose Mourinho will give him a big cuddle and promise him that Inter's attacking football will revolve around the sole aim of setting up Lampard for scuffed long-rangers from wherever he happens to find himself on the pitch.
With Ronaldinho expected to complete his move from Barcelona to Milan at any moment, the Catalan club will use the cash to bring in Emmanuel Adebayor from Arsenal, thereby forcing the Gunners into the transfer market in search of a striker.
Alexander Hleb's likely Emirates exit will heap even further pressure on Arsene Wenger to bring in a big-name signing to appease the fans, and with any one of Roque Santa Cruz, Klaas-Jan Huntelaar and Andrei Arshavin set to arrive at the club, Spurs will be stung into action by the sight of their hated rivals splashing the cash in uncharacteristically wanton fashion, bringing Espanyol striker Luis Garcia to White Hart Lane and subsequently facilitating Dimitar Berbatov's transfer to Manchester United.
And with three and a half world class strikers in their squad (balsa-limbed Louis Saha being the half, obviously) United will realise that they don't really need Cristiano Ronaldo after all, and will ease him out of his shackles before plonking him on the first plane to Madrid, thereby bringing to a close the most exciting summer transfer window in living memory.
So if none of this happens, it is demonstrably and unequivocally Benitez's fault. You heard it here first.
- - -
Early Doors is sorry, but £48 million for Robinho? Forty-eight million pounds, for Robinho?
Zinedine Zidane, you may recall, cost £46 million, but Zidane won one World Cup, one European Championship, one European Cup, three league titles and three World Player of the Year Awards, single-handedly dragged a clearly past-it France side to the final of the last World Cup and played football of a beauty that made grown men weep.
The highlight of Robinho's career, by contrast, is probably still the seven stepovers 'n' penalty-winning dive combo he produced in a Brazilian championship decider while playing for Santos in 2002, and despite a thrilling burst of form at the beginning of last season he's yet to convince anyone that he's anything more than an indulgent tricks merchant with a cheeky grin and a commendable dedication to safe sex (he reportedly once asked a nightclub security man to bring him 40 condoms).
If Robinho is worth £48 million then Cristiano Ronaldo has to be worth about £70 million, and ED itself is probably worth somewhere around the £7.5 million mark, despite being a well-worn breakfast-time blog rather than an actual football player.
- - -
QUOTE OF THE DAY: "Today's question: does Rob Wotton ever smile?" Sky Sports News presenter Mike Wedderburn after announcing the channel's presenting line-up for the morning, thereby providing a tantalising glimpse of the thinly disguised torrent of jealous hatred running through the dressing rooms at Sky Sports News HQ.
TALKING POINT: There were 586 comments on ED yesterday, 56 of which were actually about football and 12 of which contributed something worthwhile to the discussion, thanks largely to the shameless nerds who dominate the comments section every day with their stupendously self-interested twaddle.
Highlights from our laziest footballer ever topic, though, included chrisnewman950's verdict on Oliver Kahn, who "just used to stand there watching the game", while adschoey nominated Ray Wilkins for his commitment to sideways passing.
Today: Who is the most over-rated player in football history?
COMING UP: After a rest day yesterday those gristly-thighed, testicularly-discomfited cyclists from the Tour de France are back in action, and you can follow live coverage of their travails from 11:45 BST.
If we measure overratedness in transfer value falls then.......Veron at £28m in 2001 (in the days when £1 bought you a loaf of bread, a pint of milk and you still had change for t'paper)
His transfer value failure is only mildy matched by Darren Bent £16.5m last year and now worth???? a packet of crisps (and not the fancy ones)
From londoncarl on Wed Jul 16 10:35AMjay8my i agree Debayor is underrated tell me which striker makes and scores
on his own? D guy worked his socks off and when team mates ought to step uup their game they were equally as tired. he is good though he can be better, in Barca with Xavi, Iniesta and Yaya he will shine not to mention the Messi one!
From ziaddina on Wed Jul 16 10:35AMDo any Liverpool fans know if Pennant is still on his way out? Stoke were linked with him but have heard nothing for a while. We're also supposed to be loaning a youth payer called Nabil El Zhar is he any good?
From chrisnewman950 on Wed Jul 16 10:37AMMost overrated footballer: Lampard, but he is underated in a pie-eating contest. You should see how quickly he gets through them steak&kidneys!
From rick7unit on Wed Jul 16 10:38AMThe most over rated player ever... how can anyone pick just one person? How about Ronaldo (fat one), Ronaldinho, Beckham, Owen, Gerrard, Lampard, Oliver Kahn (lazy and over rated), Torres, Alan McGregor, Barry Ferguson, Carlos Cuellar, Neil Lennon, the whole French squad, there are countless other but really I can't be ar$ed to type them all out!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 16 10:42AM@jcpotvin - spot on about barry. same thing I've been saying. he has quality but no pedigree.
most overrated...fabian barthez. I knew he was rubbish before the world cup.. and when united bought him.. I was happy coz I knew that at least then the world would get to see how rubbish he was.. week in and week out.
From alecblack on Wed Jul 16 10:44AMThe world has gone mad. 70 mill for Ronaldo, 48 mill for Robinho, 18 mill for Gareth Barry (is there some sort of rule that says you cost more if you only have one name?) What do these guys do? They run around a bit kicking some air encased in plastic, hopefully between some posts holding up a net. True, they are very good at it, but the purchase value put on that talent is ridiculous, as are the wages that are given to reward them for their ability to run around a bit kicking air encased in plastic. What do we pay nurses, teachers, paramedics, doctors, fire brigade? Answer, not a lot, and nowhere near their true value to society. If I am ever in the position of having a heart attack, I want some paramedics, nurses and doctors to help me. Ronaldo with his hair gel and Robinho with his condoms aren't going to do me much good, and their ability to do step overs and volleys and whatever other trick won't cut it either. Funny how we pay "entertainers" such ridiculous amounts. As regards the posts on this blog since the season ended, to coin a phrase used by one of these morons who have come to dominate it with utter irrelevant drivel every day, the posts "suck". It is noticeable how many of the original contributers from last season are conspicous by their absence (one example, barney), and I think I will head for the exit door too soon enough. Spending time reading posts from people who appear to have the IQ of an amoeba is not much fun.
From andywalker269 on Wed Jul 16 10:47AMAlec Black I must say I agree on Fabien Barthez... how many pass backs did he end up putting in the net? He was an idiot and so not what he was cracked up to be, I would have felt very nervous having him infront of my goal!
From claire881 on Wed Jul 16 10:50AMMost over-rated player;
Juan Sebastian Veron - Man Utd - £28.1m in 2001From kevin1985kane on Wed Jul 16 10:51AMturtleman is a gooner, finally another 1 on here, welcome aboard turtleman111. Watch out for all the yids and mancs one ere.
From jay8my on Wed Jul 16 10:53AMgerrard does not belong on overrated lists. his work and goal rates are both very impressive from midfield and though he hasn't really impressed for country, he's never been billed as the 'english hope'. up to this point, he's been second fiddle to frank lampard and the crosses and various hairstyles of david beckham (public overhyped enemy #1). his liverpool cv may not include a premiership, but can anyone see the reds staying top four or winning an f.a. and european cup without #8 these past five years? he's never been the best player in the world, may have never cracked the top five, so if papers have ever printed that, they were mistaken, but i've never been bombarded with the idea everyone thought gerrard was the english coming of maradona or pele, nothing compared to the campaigns pushing the likes of beckham, messi and henry as football's 'top man'.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 10:57AMThanks Jude, you just won me a bet....you reacted exactly how I predicted you would. Look up amoeba in the dictionary instead on posting inane nonsense. I have work to do (I presume you don't Jude, which makes me think you are a 14 year old (with the mentality of a 7 year old) with too much time on your hands during the school holidays. I could be wrong about all of that, but whatever. Scarily, you could be an adult. Anyway, I have added 1 to ED's "nothing to do with football" post count, so I am outta here. I think I will be a lurker from now on.
From andywalker269 on Wed Jul 16 10:58AMI have to agree with andywalker269. To quote ED "There were 586 comments on ED yesterday, 56 of which were actually about football and 12 of which contributed something worthwhile to the discussion, thanks largely to the shameless nerds who dominate the comments section every day with their stupendously self-interested twaddle." 100 sensible comments were worth much more than 500 boooks, sucks etc. Sorry jude, but it's true...
From jcverm on Wed Jul 16 10:59AMLOL awesome ED. but for me guys u deserve those 18 million more than Barry..am a liverpool fan and i think we deserve something better than this..we need a STRIKER to play with Fernando or a fast winger..if it was my call i would pay 18 millions to sign Berbatov, Adebayor or Schweinsteiger.
From esamsabbah on Wed Jul 16 11:00AMJAMIE CARRAGHER is a good squad player who is over-rated by the press! He seems good cos of lots of last ditch tackles but be should have dealt with the situation in the first place.
From premberg on Wed Jul 16 11:02AMchris newman, the new rumor is pennant to blackburn, once paul ince sorts out which rival club he wants to sell bentley to.
From jcpotvin on Wed Jul 16 11:02AMMichael Carrick
From esamsabbah on Wed Jul 16 11:03AMstevie g and frank lampard are both overated:
Stevie g : has a high work rate but gives away so many fouls way to often plus he does sky a lot of crosses and bungles a pass every now and thenFrank Lampard: is a good midfielder does his job in getting back to defend and scores over 20 goals a season, but he does fluff the odd pass and moers the ball sky high with his crosses more often than not
BUT they are both good free kick takers and they are both good penalty takers
aka they both have different positives and negatives but they both have the same playing style and they are both consistent they are just over hyped ..the same in every department of play and ergo are overrated for no good reason
From dannickbates on Wed Jul 16 11:04AMim with premberg carragher is SO overrated.
From jay8my on Wed Jul 16 11:04AMmost over-rated players:-
1 Pele - barely average, would not have got a game at Priestfield Stadium!
2 Maradona - stunted little curly haired fat man, improved with class A's but not by much
3 Johan Cruyff - a pale shadow of his more gifted son
4 Paul Gascoigne - (see Maradonna for details)
5 C Ronaldo - How this portugueser keeps dazzling Darren Fletcher out of a side is a mystery to meFrom vincentvegaman on Wed Jul 16 11:06AMAndywalker, I'm getting a bit bored with some of the posts here, a case of infection by R.I.S. (Repetitive Idiots Syndrome).
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 11:07AMtitus bramble the man should be shot along with all the managers who bought him:
1)he just cant defend
2) my 84 year old grandmother can soot harder than him
3) he should be a girlscouts coach
From risker15 on Wed Jul 16 11:08AMian ure at man.u
From nigelphysick on Wed Jul 16 11:09AMAndrei Shevcenko, Juan Sebastien Veron, Sergei Rebrov. All highly rated big transfer fees and done nothing.
From benmerrett on Wed Jul 16 11:10AMwhatever jude
From jcverm on Wed Jul 16 11:11AMyou'd think anyone with a name like "Titus" would be like a Tyranosaurus of defenders, I think he got by on his name alone and all thos managers that bought him should walk away unless they made a profit on selling him ASAP
Man Utd Suck
not all yids are idiots its not confined to only one set of fans
From roxydgurl on Wed Jul 16 11:12AMyeah i know jude , I've been away ay anger management classes, they suck!
From vincentvegaman on Wed Jul 16 11:12AMandywalker, totally agree with you on both counts. Football generates plenty of cash and is run by short-sighted and greedy businessmen with no concern for the longevity of the game who are happy to spend it like nobody's business. As I have said before, it costs too much to take the kids to a game, and everybody feeling the pinch at the minute gates are sure to be down next season. As regards the nurses etc., people in caring, selfless professions never get the financial rewards they deserve.
Regarding the lack of quality posts, the fact that there is nothing of interest happening in the football world probably has a lot to do with things. There is only so much transfer tittle-tattle a sane man can take!
From garethcoletranslations on Wed Jul 16 11:13AMRIS - jude_surf needs a sedative
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 11:18AMMartin Peters - remember 'ten years ahead of his time' and so were his passes.
From james_ssmith on Wed Jul 16 11:20AM
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